Audiobooks narrated by Arte Johnson

V Wars: A Chronicle of the Vampire Wars Audiobook

They are hunting us. In this sweeping, threaded narrative of the global phenomenon known as the Vampire Wars, mankind is unwittingly infected by a millennia-old bacteria unknowingly exhumed by a scientific expedition in Antarctica. Now, in some rare cases, a person's so-called junk DNA becomes activated. Depending on their racial and ethnic heritage, they begin to manifest one of the many diverse forms of the "others" that are the true basis for the legends of supernatural creatures. These aren't your usual vampires and werewolves-it goes much deeper than that. Conceived by Jonathan Maberry, V Wars features stories from various frontlines as reported by such contributors as Nancy Holder, Yvonne Navarro, James A. Moore, Gregory Frost, John Everson, Keith R. A. DeCandido, and Scott Nicholson-as well as Maberry himself, of course. The result is a compelling series of tales that creates a unique chronicle of mankind's response to this sudden, hidden threat to humanity.

Jonathan Maberry, Various Authors (Author), Arte Johnson, Cassandra Campbell, Gabrielle De Cuir, John Rubinstein, Lisa Reneé Pitts, Roxanne Hernandez, Stefan Rudnicki, Various Readers, Wil Wheaton (Narrator)

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The Willoughbys

Abandoned by their ill-humored parents to the care of an odious nanny, Tim, the twins, Barnaby A and Barnaby B, and their sister, Jane, attempt to fulfill their roles as good oldfashioned children. Following the models set in lauded tales from A Christmas Carol to Mary Poppins, the four Willoughbys hope to attain their proscribed happy ending too, or at least a satisfyingly maudlin one. However, it is an unquestionably ruthless act that sets in motion the transformations that lead to their salvation and to happy endings for not only the four children, but their nanny, an abandoned baby, a candy magnate, and his long-lost son too. Replete with a tongue-in-cheek glossary and bibliography, this hilarious and decidedly old-fashioned parody pays playful homage to classic works of children's literature.

Lois Lowry (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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The Tell-Tale Start: The Misadventures of Edgar & Allan Poe, Book One

Meet Edgar and Allan Poe -- twelve-year-old identical twins, the great-great-great-great-grandnephews of Edgar Allan Poe. They look and act so much alike that they're almost one mischievous, prank-playing boy in two bodies. When their beloved black cat, Roderick Usher, is kidnapped and transported to the Midwest, Edgar and Allan convince their guardians that it's time for a road trip. Along the way, mayhem and mystery ensue, as well as deeper questions: What is the boys' telepathic connection? Is Edgar Allan Poe himself reaching out to them from the Great Beyond? And why has a mad scientist been spying on the Poe family for years? With a mix of literary humor, mystery, and a little quantum physics, this series opener is a perfect choice for smart, funny tweens who love the Time Warp Trio, Roald Dahl, and Lemony Snicket.

Gordon McAlpine (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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The Pet and the Pendulum

In The Tell-Tale Start, twins Edgar and Allan Poe foiled the nefarious Professor Perry, who wanted to use them in his deadly quantum entanglement experiment. In Once Upon a Midnight Eerie, they took on his equally evil mother and daughter. Now, in The Pet and the Pendulum, it's time for the real showdown, which takes place in an old mansion right outside Baltimore. As with the first two books, The Pet and the Pendulum is filled with codes, brain-teasers, smart (not snarky) humor, and cameos by the actual Edgar Allan Poe, who is watching over his great-great-great-nephews from the Great Beyond. Listeners won't want to miss the Misaventures' end!

Gordon McAlpine (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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The Mulligan

Everyone Needs a Second Chance on the Course and In Life Paul McAllister was a driven man. Ivy League educated and the founder of a multimillion dollar business, Paul was a success in everything but life-and golf. It only took one Pro-Am afternoon, one short putt, and one airborne putter to send his world flying in a different direction: a mulligan! Golf's gracious do-over, a mulligan is the beginning of Paul's own second chance. Guided by the wisdom and advice of an Old Pro, Paul learns about priorities, about self-confidence, and about playing a good game both on and off the course. Written in the appealing 'parable' style of other best-selling books such as Who Moved My Cheese?, Gungo Ho! , and Whale Done! , golf pro Wally Armstrong and author Ken Blanchard condense decades of practical know-how into a simple book with an amazing message. The Mulligan is a second chance to change it all, and improve both your life and your game!

Ken Blanchard, Wally Armstrong (Author), Arte Johnson, Zondervan Publishing (Narrator)

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The Ghostwriter Secret: Brixton Brothers, Book 2

Steve Brixton is America’s next great kid detective (and now he has his own agency to prove it)…. When twelve-year-old detective Steve Brixton gets a call that the Fairview diamond has gone missing, there are only two things to do: grab his new business cards and take the case! But Steve quickly learns there’s an even bigger mystery afoot. MacArthur Bart, a.k.a. Steve’s hero, a.k.a. the author of the Bailey Brothers Mysteries series, has been kidnapped! With the man who taught him everything he knows about sleuthing in trouble, Steve and his best chum, Dana, know they must stage a daring rescue. . . . Once they find out where Bart is . . .and who took him . . .and why.

Mac Barnett (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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The False Gems & Other Tales of Obsession

Guy de Maupassant was a master of the short-story genre, producing more than three hundred during his lifetime. These concise stories contain twists and shocking turns, and range from the fantastic and supernatural, with characters descending into madness and their most base desires, to the challenges of marriage and parenthood, and to the broader philosophical ruminations on the nature of regret and what it means to love. The twenty-eight stories in this collection include "The Horla" (a chilling tale of one man's descent into madness); "The Diary of a Madman" (a respected judge with a dark secret); "The Artist" (a skilled performer seeks revenge on his wife, who happens to be his costar); "The Diamond Necklace" (a poor woman borrows a diamond necklace and disaster strikes); "A Coward" (a man instigates a duel and struggles to face his own fear); "In the Moonlight" (a priest opens his eyes to love in unexpected places); and more.

Guy De Maupassant (Author), Arte Johnson, Gabrielle De Cuir, Justine Eyre, Paul Boehmer, Simon Vance, Stefan Rudnicki (Narrator)

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The Case of the Case of Mistaken Identity

Steve Brixton always wanted to be a detective . . . until he found out he already was one. It all starts here: the thrilling story of Steve Brixton’s first case. Our hero has a national treasure to recover, a criminal mastermind to unmask, and a social studies report due Monday—all while on the run from cops, thugs, and secret-agent librarians. Just another day for a kid detective. “Full of excitement and danger, of narrow escapes and unexpected twists, while also being one of the funniest books of its kind ever written.”—Dave Eggers, author of The Wild Things and co-founder of 826 National

Mac Barnett (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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Stay Fit and Healthy until You're Dead

Fitness and vitality can be yours, writes Dave Barry-provided you have the discipline, drive, and the plain old-fashioned guts required to procure the necessary steroids. This manual may help, too, but you'll just have to buy it and find out. Barry on executive fitness: Today's top executives eat teeny meals and run ten miles and play tennis and work out every day. Of course, they're so busy getting fit that many don't even know where their offices are. That's why the entire US economy is now manufactured overseas. Barry on fitness after death: A quick chill, to approximately 325 degrees below zero, yields a muscle tone that we normally associate only with world-class body builders and certain minerals. Barry on nutrition: Every morning you should take a vitamin A pill, followed by a vitamin D, followed by an E, until you've spelled the healthful mnemonic phrase: 'A DEAD CAD BAKED A BAD CAKE, ACE.' And eat all the fiber-rich foods you can shove down your throat; these would be mainly your cotton candy and your Slim Jims. Barry on junk foods: White bread and refined sugar, if eaten, cause death within hours. So it's important to watch what you eat, at least until you get it inside your mouth. After that it becomes pretty disgusting.

Dave Barry (Author), Arte Johnson (Narrator)

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Resonance

The shift is coming—soon. Dr. David Carter knows this. However, he’s a geologist, so “soon” means anywhere from tomorrow to a thousand years from now. People are dying—now. Drs. Jordan Abellard and Jillian Brookwood are standing at the edge of SuperAIDS … or are they? They won’t be able to figure it out if they can’t get some authorization signed—and soon. But they’re peons, and no one is paying attention. Whole species died at the last polar shift, 65 million years ago. Right now Dr. Becky Sorenson has some seriously mutated frogs in her lab. In Los Angeles, bees are making abnormal columns on the side of the freeways. In Georgia, birds are migrating out of season. It all makes a sick kind of sense when the doctors consider that the last magnetic shift is strangely coincidental to the dinosaur die-out. And the only similarity in the problems today is that each is occurring in a hot spot—a pocket of reversed polarity that tells them all. The shift is already here.

A. J. Scudiere (Author), A Full Cast, Arte Johnson, Carrington Macduffie, Dan Jenkins, David Birney, Ellen Datlow, Emily Janice Card, Gabrielle De Cuir, Judy Young, Mirron Willis, Paul Boehmer, Rosalyn Landor, Scott Peterson, Stefan Rudnicki, Tom Schiff, Various Readers (Narrator)

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Resonance

When the Earth’s magnetic poles begin trading places, four scientists will have to race against time to save humanity. Dr. Becky Sorenson has found a cache of frogs with a very high mutation rate...and some odd behaviors. Dr. David Carter’s core earth samples seem to indicate the next polar reversal will be worse than predicted. And CDC researchers Jordan and Jillian are looking at a strange new disease. When the four scientists delve deeper, they discover they are all looking at the leading edge of a sweeping magnetic polar reversal. As humanity ignores their increasingly panicked warnings, the scientists will have to fight to save everyone...if they even can. Resonance is a gripping, science-based thriller that will make you wonder what will happen when the poles really do shift. If you’re ready for a smart ride that will keep you guessing, start listening to Resonance now.

A.J. Scudiere (Author), Arte Johnson, Carrington Maduffie, David Birney, Paul Boehmer, Rosalyn Landor, Stefan Rudnicki (Narrator)

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Resonance

When the Earth's magnetic poles begin trading places, four scientists will have to race against time to save humanity. Dr. Becky Sorenson has found a cache of frogs with a very high mutation rate...and some odd behaviors. Dr. David Carter's core earth samples seem to indicate the next polar reversal will be worse than predicted. And CDC researchers Jordan and Jillian are looking at a strange new disease. When the four scientists delve deeper, they discover they are all looking at the leading edge of a sweeping magnetic polar reversal. As humanity ignores their increasingly panicked warnings, the scientists will have to fight to save everyone...if they even can. Resonance is a gripping, science-based thriller that will make you wonder what will happen when the poles really do shift. If you're ready for a smart ride that will keep you guessing, start listening to Resonance now. Praise for the book: 'An action-packed thriller. Highly recommended.' (Midwest Book Review)

A.J. Scudiere (Author), Arte Johnson, Carrington Mcduffie, David Birney, Gabrielle De Cuir, Paul Boehmer, Rosalyn Landor, Stefan Rudnicki (Narrator)

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Audiobooks Narrated by Arte Johnson