Essays & Memoirs Audiobooks | Comedy

Someday a Bird Will Poop on You: A Life Lesson

A little book with a big message...... when life hits us with a splat Someday a bird will poop on all of us. But that's okay. In a world of bad news, fake news, delays, disappointments, trash talk, and tweets, things are bound to get a little poopy. What matters is not how big the mess is--but how well you react to it. Someday a Bird Will Poop on You is a modern parable about life hitting us with something unexpected--and the perfect gift for anyone leaving home without an umbrella. **Contact Customer Service for Additional Material**

Sue Salvi (Author), Khristine Hvam (Narrator)

Audiobook

Paperback Crush: The Totally Radical History of '80s and '90s Teen Fiction

A hilarious and nostalgic trip through the history of paperback pre-teen series of the '80s and '90s Every twenty- or thirty-something woman knows these books. The pink covers, the flimsy paper, the zillion volumes in the series that kept you reading for your entire adolescence. Spurred by the commercial success of Sweet Valley High and The Babysitters Club, these were not the serious-issue YA novels of the 1970s, nor were they the blockbuster books of the Harry Potter and Twilight ilk. They were cheap, short, and utterly beloved. Paperback Crush dives in deep to this golden age with affection, history, and a little bit of snark. Listeners will discover (and fondly remember) girl-centric series on everything from correspondence (Pen Pals and Dear Diary) to sports (The Pink Parrots, Cheerleaders, and The Gymnasts) to a newspaper at an all-girls Orthodox Jewish middle school (The B.Y. Times) to a literal teen angel (Teen Angels: Heaven Can Wait, where an enterprising guardian angel named Cisco has to earn her wings 'by helping the world's sexist rock star'). Some were blatant ripoffs of the successful series (looking at you, Sleepover Friends and The Girls of Canby Hall), some were sick-lit tearjerkers a la Love Story (Abby, My Love), and some were just plain perplexing (Uncle Vampire?) But all of them represent that time gone by of girl-power and endless sessions of sustained silent reading. In six hilarious chapters (Friends, Love, School, Family, Jobs, Terror, and Danger), Bustle Features Editor Gabrielle Moss takes the listener on a nostalgic tour of teen book covers of yore, digging deep into the history of the genre as well as the stories behind the best-known series.

Gabrielle Moss (Author), Emily Woo Zeller (Narrator)

Audiobook

Forever Nerdy: Living My Dorky Dreams and Staying Metal

The first memoir by beloved comedian, actor, and writer Brian Posehn, hilariously detailing what it's like to grow up as and remain a nerd, with a foreword by Patton Oswalt Brian Posehn is a successful and instantly recognizable comedian, actor, and writer. He also happens to be a giant nerd. That's partly because he's been obsessed with such things as Dungeons & Dragons, comic books, and heavy metal since he was a child; the other part is because he fills out every bit of his 6'7'' frame. Brian's always felt awkward and like a perpetual outsider, but he found his way through the difficulties of growing up by escaping into the worlds of Star Wars, D&D, and comics, and by rocking his face off. He was a nerd long before it was cool (and that didn't help his situation much), but his passions proved time and again to be the safe haven he needed to persevere and thrive in a world in which he was far from comfortable. Brian, now balls deep in middle age with a wife, child, and thriving career, still feels like an outsider and is as big a nerd as ever. But that's okay, because in his five decades of nerdom he's discovered that the key to happiness is not growing up. You can be a nerd forever and find success that way. because somehow along the way the nerds won. Forever Nerdy is a celebration of growing up nerdy and different. This isn't Brian's life story, just some bizarre and hilarious stories from his life, along with a captivating look back at nearly fifty years of nerd culture. Being a nerd hasn't always been easy, but somehow this self-hating nerd who suffered from depression was able to land his dream job, get the girl, and learn to fit in. Kind of. See how he did it while managing to remain forever nerdy.

Brian Posehn (Author), Brian Posehn, Patton Oswalt (Narrator)

Audiobook

Lose Well

Comedian and cult hero Chris Gethard performs his laugh-out-loud, kick-in-the-pants self-help narrative for anyone who ever felt like they didn’t fit in or couldn’t catch a break, showing us how to get over our fear of failure and start living life on our own terms. This audiobook edition of Lose Well concludes with exclusive bonus conversations with Chris Gethard and special guests who are referenced throughout the audiobook: Gregg Gethard, Mike Dolan, Todd Tondera, Danny Tobia, Mark Moran, Frank Piegaro, and Jeremy Redleaf. Let’s face it: we all want a seat at the cool table, a great job, and loads of money. But most of us won’t be able to achieve this widely accepted, black-or-white, definition of winning, which makes us feel like failures, that we’re destined to a life of loserdom. That’s the conventional wisdom. It’s also crap, according to comedian and cult hero Chris Gethard, who knows a thing of two about losing. Failing is an art form, he argues; in fact, it’s the only the way we’re ever going to discover who we are, what we really want, and how to live the kind of life we only dreamed about. Setting flame to vision boards and tossing out the 'seven simple steps' to achieving anything, the host of the eponymous Trutv talk show and the wildly popular podcast Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People illustrates his personal and professional manifesto with hilarious and ultimately empowering stories about his own set-backs, missteps, and public failures, from the cancellation of his Comedy Central sitcom after seven episodes to rediscovering his comedic voice and life’s purpose on a public access channel. With his trademark wit and inspiring storytelling—a cross between David Sedaris and Jenny Lawson—Gethard teaches us how to power through our own hero’s journey, whether we’re a 15-year-old starting a punk band or a 50-year-old mother of three launching an Etsy page. In the process, he shows us how to fail with grace, laugh on the way down, and as we dust ourselves off, how to transform inevitable failures into endless opportunities. It might get a little messy, but that’s exactly the point. Because the first step in living on your own terms is learning how to lose well, and more often than not, the revolutionary act of failing lets us witness firsthand what awaits us on the other side.

Chris Gethard (Author), Chris Gethard (Narrator)

Audiobook

American Tantrum: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Archives

In American Tantrum, the star of Comedy Central’s acclaimed The President Show opens the vault and releases Donald J. Trump’s presidential archives. The result is a devastatingly hilarious audiobook that gets closer to truth than any nonfiction account, voiced by the author, Anthony Atamanuik, with guests Neil Casey, Kathy Griffin, Tom Arnold, John Gemberling, and Lennon Parham. The Presidential Archives. Every other president has made a mess of it. Barack Obama is currently spending millions of dollars (probably trillions, if you want to know the truth) building a monument to himself. And they don’t even charge admission at these places! No wonder this country is a zillion dollars in debt. And what’s the point?!: These guys are already out of office and old news. We hate to say it, folks, but the presidential library is totally broken and needs to be made great again. America, we herewith present the FIRST AND ONLY presidential library to be released in real time, while the president is still in office. (Why delay?!) But wait, THERE’S MORE! Who wants the hassle of having to go to some boring building in the middle of nowhere? (The Eisenhower Library is in Abilene, Kansas – yikes!) What if you could have your favorite president’s library delivered to your home, today! THAT’S NOT ALL! What if you could carry that library with you EVERYWHERE! Introducing THE DONALD J. TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL ARCHIVES: VOLUME 1. It’s all here: the 45th U.S. president’s letters, diaries, Oval Office recordings, Moscow hotel tapes, grand jury testimony, sealed indictments, financial records, subpoenas, dossiers, AND SO MUCH MORE! It’s available now at the AMAZING PRICE of $20.99!* Never has wisdom been so accessible! It’s the last audiobook you will ever need to buy. Or maybe just the last audiobook published, period. Get yours NOW before the first amendment is abolished! *Offer not valid to employees of the U.S. Department of Justice. Don’t miss VOLUME 2: THE PRISON YEARS – coming soon! Hopefully!

Anthony Atamanuik (Author), Anthony Atamanuik, John Gemberling, Kathy Griffin, Lennon Parham, Neil Casey, Tom Arnold (Narrator)

Audiobook

Hater: On the Virtues of Utter Disagreeability

A timely manifesto urging us to think critically, form opinions, and then argue them with gusto. Hater begins from a simple premise: that it's good to hate things. Not people or groups or benign belief systems, but things. More to the point, it's good to hate the things everyone seems to like. Scan the click-baiting headlines of your favorite news or pop-culture website and you're likely to find that just about everything is, supposedly, 'what we need right now.' We are the victims of an unbridled, unearned optimism. And our world demands pessimism. It's vital to be contrarian--now, as they say, more than ever. Because ours is an age of calcified consensus. And we should all hate that. In this scathing and funny rebuke of the status quo, journalist John Semley illustrates that looking for and identifying nonsense isn't just a useful exercise for society, it's also a lot of fun. But Hater doesn't just skewer terrible TV shows and hit songs--at its core it shows us how to meaningfully talk about and engage with culture, and the world. Ultimately, Hater is what we actually need right now.

John Semley (Author), John Semley (Narrator)

Audiobook

Problemzonen - Über das Leben, die Sehnsucht und die Liebe danach (Autorinnenlesung)

Sehnsucht und Schokolade Liebe und ihr Ende, Freundschaft, Feindschaft, Elternschaft und nackte Oberarme. Problemzonen versammelt die besten Brigitte-Kolumnen von Ildikó von Kürthy. Radikal subjektive Texte, todernst und lebendig, amüsant, scharfsinnig, neurotisch und dramatisch - ein Reiseführer in die Krisengebiete des Alltags, ein Hörbuch zum Unterhaken für wunderbare Frauen, die über sich selbst lachen und mit ihren Freundinnen weinen können.

Ildikó Von Kürthy (Author), Ildikó Von Kürthy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Feminasty: The Complicated Woman's Guide to Surviving the Patriarchy Without Drinking Herself to Dea

A collection of hilarious personal essays and political commentary from the charming, feminist and wickedly funny creator and host of the "Throwing Shade" podcast and TV Land show. "Am I allowed to do this? Most of my decisions in life have been preceded by this question. Some of the rules women are expected to follow are obvious... DON'T: be loud/muscular/good at math... DO: be helpful/have babies/smile. Some are ambiguous and subjective." Erin Gibson has a plan for women to make our future the one Beyonce already thinks we have. In FEMINASTY--titled after her nickname on "Throwing Shade"--she has written a collection of make-you-laugh-until-you-cry essays that expose the hidden rules that make life as a woman harder and deconstructs them in a way that's bold and funny and provocative. Whether it's shaming women for having their periods, allowing them into STEM fields but never treating them like they truly belong, or dictating strict rules for how they should dress in every situation, Erin feels that oppression is both organized and chaotic, purposeful and unintentional. That doesn't make it impossible to dismantle, it just means we have to recognize and destroy the problems one by one. In FEMINASTY she will start the revolution.

Erin Gibson (Author), Erin Gibson (Narrator)

Audiobook

None of My Business: P.J. Explains Money, Banking, Debt, Equity, Assets, Liabilities, and Why He's n

After decades covering war and disaster, bestselling author and acclaimed satirist P. J. O'Rourke takes on his scariest subjects yet-business, investment, finance, and the political chicanery behind them. Want to get rich overnight for free in three easy steps with no risk? Then don't buy this book. P. J.'s approach to business, investment, and finance is different. He takes the risks for you in his chapter "How I Learned Economics by Watching People Try to Kill Each Other." He proposes "A Way to Raise Taxes That We'll All Love"-a 200% tax on celebrities. He offers a brief history of economic transitions before exploring the world of high tech innovation with a chapter on "Unnovations," which asks, "The Internet-whose idea was it to put all the idiots on earth in touch with each other?" He misunderstands bitcoin, which seems "like a weird scam invented by strange geeks with weaponized slide rules in the high school Evil Math Club." He closes with a fanciful short story about the morning that P. J. wakes up and finds that all the world's goods and services are free! This is P. J. at his finest, a book not to be missed.

P. J. O'Rourke, P. J. O'rourke (Author), Johnny Heller (Narrator)

Audiobook

Maeve in America: Essays by a Girl from Somewhere Else

"If Tina Fey and David Sedaris had a daughter, she would be Maeve Higgins." -Glamour "Maeve Higgins is hilarious, poignant, conversational, and my favorite Irish import since U2. You're in for a treat." -Phoebe Robinson A timely essay collection about life, love, and becoming an American from breakout comedy star and podcaster Maeve Higgins Maeve Higgins was a bestselling memoirist and comedian in her native Ireland when, at the grand old age of thirty-one, she left the only home she'd ever known in search of something more. Like many women in their early thirties, she both was and was not the adult she wanted to be. At once smart, curious, and humane, Maeve in America is the story of how Maeve found herself, literally and figuratively, in New York City. Here are stories of not being able to afford a dress for the ball, of learning to live with yourself while you're still figuring out how to love yourself, of the true significance of realizing what sort of shelter dog you would be. Self-aware and laugh-out-loud funny, this collection is also a fearless exploration of the awkward questions in life, such as: Is clapping too loudly at a gig a good enough reason to break up with somebody? Is it ever really possible to leave home? Together, the essays in Maeve in America create a startlingly funny and revealing portrait of a woman who aims for the stars but hits the ceiling, and the inimitable city that has helped shape who she is, even as she finds the words to make sense of it all.

Maeve Higgins (Author), Maeve Higgins (Narrator)

Audiobook

Courtesy Jerk 2: Hating Others Makes You Better

Face it, there's so much more to complain about in life.Courtesy Jerk returns with a fresh new installment! This time, breaking away from just the supermarket, we tackle the most annoying, aggravating, and all around worst people to ever walk the earth. Their mannerisms are nothing to smile over, but everything to make fun of, so let's get to it!

Nicolas M. Parker (Author), Nicolas M. Parker (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Chapo Guide to Revolution: A Manifesto Against Logic, Facts, and Reason

"Howard Zinn on acid or some bullsh*t like that." —Tim Heidecker The creators of the cult-hit podcast Chapo Trap House deliver a manifesto for everyone who feels orphaned and alienated—politically, culturally, and economically—by the bloodless Wall Street centrism of the Democrats and the lizard-brained atavism of the right: there is a better way, the Chapo Way. In a manifesto that renders all previous attempts at political satire obsolete, The Chapo Guide to Revolution shows you that you don't have to side with either the pear-shaped vampires of the right or the craven, lanyard-wearing wonks of contemporary liberalism. These self-described "assholes from the internet" offer a fully ironic ideology for all who feel politically hopeless and prefer broadsides and tirades to reasoned debate. Learn the "secret" history of the world, politics, media, and everything in-between that THEY don't want you to know and chart a course from our wretched present to a utopian future where one can post in the morning, game in the afternoon, and podcast after dinner without ever becoming a poster, gamer, or podcaster. The Chapo Guide to Revolution features illustrated taxonomies of contemporary liberal and conservative characters, biographies of important thought leaders, "never before seen" drafts of Aaron Sorkin's Newsroom manga, and the ten new laws that govern Chapo Year Zero (everyone gets a dog, billionaires are turned into Soylent, and logic is outlawed). If you're a fan of sacred cows, prisoners being taken, and holds being barred, then this book is NOT for you. However, if you feel disenfranchised from the political and cultural nightmare we're in, then Chapo, let's go...

Chapo Trap House (Author), Brendan James, Felix Biederman, Matt Christman, Virgil Texas, Will Menaker (Narrator)

Audiobook

Essays & Memoirs Audiobooks in Comedy