A BBC Radio 4 parody of the lives of the Romantic poets by Sue Limb, writer of the hit comedy Gloomsbury. An everyday story of towering genius, set in and around the Lakeland retreat of William and Dorothy Wordsmith. The Wordsmiths have not long settled in their sublime cottage, when they are visited by the inebriate Samuel Tailor Cholericke and the lascivious Lord Biro, followed by numerous other romantically-inclined writers and leech-pedlars who arrive at the door of Vole Cottage. Dorothy must manage the increasingly chaotic household (assisted by Stinking Iris), while William focuses on his latest masterpiece, 'The Withered Turnip'. Set against an elegant musical background of trilling sheep. Starring Denise Coffey as Dorothy Wordsmith, Geoffrey Whitehead as William Wordsmith, Simon Callow as Samuel Tailor Cholericke, Miriam Margolyes as Stinking Iris and Tim Curry as Lord Biro. Cast: Dorothy Wordsmith: Denise Coffey William Wordsmith: Geoffrey Whitehead Samuel Tailor Cholericke: Simon Callow Stinking Iris: Miriam Margolyes The Leechpedlar: Chris Emmett Lord Biro: Tim Curry Teresa Sanseveria: Helen Atkinson Wood Percy Jelley: Hugh Thomas Mary Godwit: Alison Fiske Charles Lump: Nicholas le Prevost Mary Lump: Julia Hills Thomas de Quinine: Nickolas Grace Sir Walter Spott: Bill Paterson Mary Wordsmith: Iris-Gemma Morlay John Sheets: Nicky Henson Sara Cholericke: Angela Pleasance William Bloke: John Shrapnel Announcer: Eugene Fraser Music by Stephen Oliver , sung by Cantabile Produced by Jonathan James-Moore
Dear Listener,
Nobody in their right minds would listen to this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay at the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded on this CD.
I can think of no reason why anyone would want to listen to a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the Duluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.
I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:
A perplexing word game ' Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives ' Art from The Brett Helquist gallery
It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may decide to do some other sacred and solemn thing, such as listening to another book instead.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
In this classic storybook about lifelong learning, Reynolds inspires learners of all ages to navigate their full potential and follow their dreams. Narrated by Tim Curry with music by Tony Lechner. Includes a bonus interview with author Peter H. Reynolds. A co-production of FableVision Studios and Weston Woods Studios.
Dear Listener,
This audio is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful audios in the world.
There are many pleasant things to listen to, but this audio contains not one of them. Within it are such gruesome details as a suspicious shopkeeper, unnecessary surgery, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Clearly you do not want to hear about such things.
I also shouldn't mention the interactive features of the CD, which include:
A perplexing word game ? Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives ? Art from The Brett Helquist gallery
I have sworn to research and record this story as best I can, so I should know that this audio is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Dear Listener,
The word carnivorous means meat eating and this carnivorous volume contains such a distressing story that consuming any of its contents would be far more stomach-turning than even the most imbalanced meal.
It would be best if I didn't mention any of the unnerving ingredients of this story, particularly, an unruly crowd, a wooden plank, and Chabo the Wolf Baby. I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:
Perplexing word games
Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives
Art from The Brett Helquist gallery
Sadly for me, I continue to research the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, but your time might be filled with something more palatable. With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Performed by Tim Curry
"RICE IS A FORMIDABLE TALENT…[Taltos] is a curious amalgam of gothic, glamour fiction, alternate history and high soap opera."
–The Washington Post Book World
"CAPTIVATING…TALTOS IS A WONDERFUL OFFERING…THE BEST SHE’S DONE….There is a new member of Anne Rice’s macabre family of monsters, and he’s probably the loneliest, most melancholy creature on earth….Rice keeps the mystic fires burning strong."
–The Milwaukee Journal
"SPELLBINDING…MYTHICAL…Anne Rice is a pure storyteller."
–Cosmopolitan
"RICE IS A STYLISH WRITER…What works best throughout the book is the magical collusion of the real and the mythical, the intermingling of the Taltos and witches with ordinary mortals in the present-day world."
–New York Newsday
"BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN."
–Kirkus Reviews (starred)
"WHAT CAN I CONFESS? I’M ASHLAR. I’M A TALTOS."
It’s centuries since I’ve seen one single other member of my own species. Oh, there have been others. I’ve heard of them, chased after them, and in some instances almost found them. Mark, I say almost. But not in centuries have I touched my own flesh and blood, as humans are so fond of saying. Never in all this time….[pg. 64]
When Ashlar learns that another Taltos has been seen, he is suddenly propelled into the haunting world of the Mayfair family, the New Orleans dynasty of witches forever besieged by ghosts, spirits, and their own dizzying powers. For Ashlar knows this powerful clan is intimately linked to the heritage of the Taltos.
In a swirling universe filled with death and life, corruption and innocence, this mesmerizing novel takes us on a wondrous journey back through the centuries to a civilization half-human, of wholly mysterious origin, at odds with mortality and immortality, justice and guilt. It is an enchanted, hypnotic world that could only come from the imagination of Anne Rice . . .
Dear Listener,
Unless you are a slug, a sea anemone, or mildew, you probably prefer not to be damp. You might also prefer not to listen to this audiobook, in which the Baudelaire siblings descend into the depths of despair, underwater. The horrors they encounter are too numerous to list, and include mushrooms, a mechanical monster, a distressing message from a lost friend, and tap dancing.
I also shouldn't mention the features of the interactive CD, which include:
l Perplexing word games l Photos from The Lemony Snicket Archives l
l Art from The Brett Helquist gallery l
As a dedicated author who has pledged to keep recording the depressing story of the Baudelaires, I must continue to delve deep into the cavernous depths of the orphans' lives. You, on the other hand, may delve into some happier audiobook in order to keep your ears and your spirits from being dampened.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
DISCLAIMER: The long term effects of listening to this audio are unknown. Scientists have detected slightly higher rates of panic, fright and free-floating anxiety amongst listeners to this audio than that found in those listeners who engaged in more pleasant listening activities.
Dear Listener,
Like handshakes or housepets, many things are preferable when not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up -- and down -- a range of strange and distressing mountains.
It would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.
Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery audio slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
A tale of dark secrets, deep love, and dangerous magic!
Since childhood, Sabriel has lived outside the walls of the Old Kingdom, away from the random power of Free Magic, and away from the Dead who refuse to stay dead. But now her father, the Charter-Mage Abhorsen, is missing, and to find him Sabriel must cross back into that world. With Mogget, whose feline form hides a powerful, perhaps malevolent spirit, and Touchstone, a young Charter Mage, Sabriel travels deep into the Old Kingdom. There she confronts an evil that threatens much more than her life--and comes face-to-face with her own hidden destiny.
On a shopping trip, Eugene Wren came across an envelope containing money. Rather than report the matter to the police, he wrote a note and stuck it up on lamppost near his house: found in Chepstow Villas, a sum of money between 80 and 160 pounds. Anyone who has lost such a sum should apply to the phone number below.
Journey back to Neverland in the first-ever authorized
sequel to J.M. Barrie's timeless masterpiece, Peter Pan
The Special Trustees of Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children, who own the copyright to the movie Peter Pan, marked that work's centenary by authorizing the creation of a new novel that would share the same characters as the original, and bring as much pleasure to children and adults around the world as Peter Pan has done. The result of a worldwide search to find just the right author for this special sequel is this - Peter Pan in Scarlet by the renowned and multi-award winning Geraldine McCaughrean.
Set in the 1930s when the devastating effects of World War I are still resonating throughout the world, Peter Pan in Scarlet sets listeners on an unforgettable journey fraught with danger. All is not well. Dreams - nightmares - are leaking out of Neverland as it chafes against the Here and Now, wearing holes in the fabric in between. Somehow Time is moving on where Time was never meant to. Fearing for Peter Pan's life, Wendy and the Lost Boys find their way back to Neverland - with the help of the fairy, Fireflyer - only to discover adventure waiting in ambush and their worst nightmare coming true in the most unexpected of ways!
And so begins the story of one of the most beloved characters in children's literature, "Peter Pan." J.M. Barrie's classic tale, completely unabridged, features a boy who refuses to grow up, Tinker Bell the fairy, and the Darling children -- Wendy, John, and Michael. Their great adventure begins on the night that Peter flies into the Darling home looking for his shadow and teaches Wendy, John, and Michael how to fly with him back to the Neverland, where adventures happen every day.
