Railing against the world? Fed up with everything? In need of a hefty dose of cynical humour? Then Grumpy Old Git Jokes is the book for you. Straight from the mouths of the grumpiest gits our proud nation has to offer, this bumper collection contains hundreds of jokes on favourite grumpy subjects such as politics, religion, education and technology. It muses on the grump's least favourite people (including judges, bankers and lawyers - 'What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn'), and the perennial subjects of ageing ('Old age is always fifteen years older than what I am') and health ('All you've got is hypochondria.' 'Can you give me anything for it?'). This deliciously cynical, delightfully dour, mirthfully miserable book will help anyone indulge their inner grumpy old git. Word count: 20,000
A rip-roaring, life-enhancing, hilarious memoir from a football cult hero; very much in the same vein as recent bestsellers from Paul Merson and Jeff Stelling. Jimmy Bullard may not have had the perfect hair-do, his Granada Ghia may not have been the flashiest of cars, and he definitely didn't have a string of Page 3 girls trying to sell kiss and tell stories about him to the tabloids. But what he has in spades is a genuine love for The Beautiful Game that few of his peers can match. One of the last graduates from football's old school, Jimmy actually worked in the real world - including as a painter and decorator - before turning pro. Maybe that's why he played football with a smile on his face, always says what's on his mind, and is no stranger to a spot of mischief. Having played under the likes of Barry Fry, Harry Redknapp and Phil Brown, appeared alongside names as diverse as Neil Ruddock and Paolo di Canio, and as long as Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, Jimmy has racked up an amazing collection of tales and pranks both on and off the football front-line. Told with candour, Bend It Like Bullard is the extraordinary story of his journey from cable TV fitter to cult hero. It will make you smile, chuckle and, occasionally, ROFL.
Ever dreamed of writing that blockbuster book, or do you simply have an idea that you’d love to finally get down on paper? Whatever your aim, this book will help you make sure your book is the best it can be. Taking you through every aspect of the writing process, this expert guide also covers the technicalities behind finding an agent and getting your book published.
Welcome to Branston College ...We are an academic institution in the heart of an ancient university town. Our architecture might not feature dreaming spires, but the central dome nonetheless casts a characterful shadow. Amenities include a distinctive subterranean bar and a newly renovated garden where you can observe local wildlife. Diana is starting a new life as gardener at Branston, a challenging restoration project which allows her to indulge a love of delphiniums beneath the disconcerting gaze of dishy but remote Richard, the recently widowed College Master. A new term brings new students, among them It Girl Amber, darling of the gossip columns and dead ringer for inclusion in the university's notorious elite society. As lustful teenagers and crabby tutors run riot in Diana's garden, her peaceful haven is trampled, and then a blast from the past threatens to ruin a new romance. Can anything save Diana's hard-won happiness, let alone her herbaceous borders?
From the author of ICELIGHT, winner of the 2012 Ellis Peters Historical Fiction Award, BLACK BEAR is the fourth in the critically acclaimed Peter Cotton series following the fortunes of British spy Peter Cotton as he navigates the treacherous uncertainties of the post-war world. For all fans of John le Carre, Robert Harris, Eric Ambler and Graham Greene. 'Confirms Aly Monroe's genius for creating tension...' Daily Telegraph Sent to Manhattan as part of the British effort to build intelligence into the new United Nations Organisation 'from the foundations up', Agent Peter Cotton wakes up in the Ogden Clinic on East 76th Street, a private facility reserved for very special patients and veterans. He is told he was found badly bruised, slumped in a doorway, and that he had been injected with at least three 'truth-drugs'. He is lucky to be alive. Plagued by vertigo, colour blindness and tunnel vision, and unable to be certain what is real and what hallucinatory, Cotton must piece together what has happened to him, find out who is responsible and why. What he discovers is even more unsettling. His biggest uncertainty? Why he has been allowed to live.
Sacrifice. When her mother passed away, Meg Parker was forced to sacrifice her chance at love for the sake of her family. She hopes she will be able to live a full life once again after her father remarries - until tragedy strikes a second time. Suddenly, Meg is facing a darker future altogether. Struggles Lady Alice Langton is travelling the Yorkshire Dales, spreading the suffragette message. Florence Brookes, the daughter of a prosperous grocer, accompanies her, impassioned by the cause but seeking distraction from her own troubles. Appalled by their lack of domestic skills, Meg decides to flee her old life and joins the two women as their maidservant as they make their way to London. Strength When Meg is reunited with her old flame, she is hesitant about her feelings for him - not least because of the rift this causes between her and Lady Alice. It's not until Florence's actions land them in jeopardy that Meg realises she must find the courage to make a heartbreaking choice.
Robert Plant is one of the few genuine living rock legends. Frontman of Led Zeppelin, musical innovator and seller of millions of records, Plant has had a profound influence on music for over four decades. But the full account of his life has barely been told ...until now. Robert Plant: A Life is the first complete and comprehensive telling of Plant's story. From his earliest performances in folk clubs in the early 1960s, to the world's biggest stages as Led Zeppelin's self-styled 'Golden God', and on to his emergence as an emboldened solo star. The sheer scale of Zeppelin's success is extraordinary: in the US alone they sold 70 million records, a figure surpassed only by the Beatles. But their success was marred by tragedy. These pages contain first-hand accounts of Plant's greatest highs and deepest lows: the tragic deaths of his son Karac and his friend, Zeppelin drummer John Bonham. Told in vivid detail, this is the definitive story of a man of great talent, remarkable fortitude and extraordinary conviction.
In the Flesh is an evocative and unique fantasy romance from the international No.1 bestselling author of Bared to You and Reflected in You, Sylvia Day An infamous beauty. A daring warrior. Two hearts are about to collide...For five years, Sapphire has been the King of Sari's most treasured concubine. Independent at last, she refuses to put herself in anyone's control again. But now another's scheming has led her into the path of proud, arrogant Wulfric, Crown Prince of the rival kingdom of D'Ashier, a man who is dangerous to her in every way. The daughter of Wulfric's fiercest opponent, Sapphire is a prized warrior in her own right and highly skilled in the sensual arts - Wulfric's perfect match. A lasting union is unthinkable, but the bargain they strike - to spend one night together, and then part - proves impossible in the face of a desire powerful enough to bring two countries to the brink of war, and two hearts to the point of surrender...Praise for Sylvia Day's Crossfire series: A hundred degrees hotter than anything you've read before . (Reveal). Move over Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins, this is the dawn of a new Day . (Amuse). Sylvia Day is the number one New York Times and number one international bestselling author of more than a dozen award-winning novels, which have been translated into thirty-nine languages. She has been nominated for the Goodreads Choice Award for Best Author and her work has been honoured as Amazon's Best of the Year in Romance. She has won the RT Book Reviews Reviewers' Choice Award and been nominated for the Romance Writers of America's prestigious RITA award twice.
She was a madam in a brothel, then a gangster's moll. Now Annie Carter owns the East End of London, and God help anybody that crosses her...It's 1970, London, and there's a killer on the loose. When gang boss Annie Carter gets a call, suddenly it's personal. A close friend of hers is the latest victim, and another is in the frame for the murder. With the hated Delaney gang still causing trouble, and NY mob boss Don Constantine Barolli's family making no secret of the fact that they hate her, she senses a feud blowing up in all their faces very soon. To save her old friend, Annie has to try to find out who's been targeting the girls. Before long she's diving head-first into the seedy underbelly of the streets. How long before the killer strikes again? And who will be the next victim?
For the legions of dedicated Ripley's fans, and anyone else on the planet who loves the extraordinary but true, this latest annual is a feast of delights. Following hot on the heels of last year's best-selling edition, Ripley's Believe It or Not! 2014 offers an entirely new compendium of bizarre facts and features, including a terrifying fire tornado in Australia, the rubber chicken that was launched into space, bees that produce blue honey, and the latest news from the European Beard and Mustache Championships! As well as the jaw-dropping images and strange but true stories are bite-size facts, fascinating black and white photos from the Ripley archive, submissions from Ripley fans around the world - and the opportunity to explore the amazing world of Ripley in 3D via a free app.
Shortlisted for the Costa Children's Book Award 2013. One boy and one dag embark on a seriously silly adventure to the very heart of the Forbidden Lands. For Alex, it’s a welcome escape from Cloisters Boarding School for Boys where Matthew is the only other person as mad as he is – and he is the Headmaster! As the son of one of the world’s most famous explorers Alex knows something about what he is doing but even so, having left the known world even he has no idea what is in store. He certainly never imagined anything quite as wild as what he finds! A laugh-out-loud story of impossibles and impropbables!
Tumble down the rabbit hole and find yourself in an inky black-and-white wonderland. This interactive activity book takes you on a ramble through a secret garden created in beautifully detailed pen-and-ink illustrations - all waiting to be brought to life through colouring, but each also sheltering all kinds of tiny creatures just waiting to be found. And there are also bits of the garden that still need to be completed by you. Appealing to all ages, the intricately-realized world of the Secret Garden is both beautiful and inspirational.