"They came up on us like a gravy crap. We was just down by the creek dranking and shooting when them ugly suckers flanked us. My name is Lick. They call me Lick cause when I was a baby I used to lick everything. This is the story of me and my buddy Fanger. We call him Fanger cause when he was a kid he broke his panky fanger on his right hand and his mom and deddy didn't git it fixed right. Now it sticks out all the time like a fancy yankee or English man dranking tea. Anyway, this is the story of our first encounter and how we ended up on the run. Just like everybody else."
"Me and Fanger been holed up out in the country recovering from the fight. We could handle pretty much all them critters except for them Maybelle Turner werewolves. Fanger got drunk one night and his strategic mind kicked in to action. He came up with a four-step plan for figuring out these alien critters. Phase one was to requisition some silver to make some bullets. Phase two was surveillance and recon. Phase three was stockpile more of that black ooze to keep ourselves invisible. And phase four was to kidnap one of them critters and interrogate them to find out how me and Fanger fit into to all this mess."
"Me, Fanger and Jack learned during our interrogation and torture session them alien critters were full of surprises. We decided it was time for us to start playing offense. We drank a ton of moonshine and devised us a strategy to attack them alien critters."
"Space was full of all kinda critters. Some good and some bad. And we discovered some of them critters ain’t so different from us. But our number one objective was still to get back to Earth and save the planet."
"Me, Fanger and Jack head back to Earth to take care of them alien critters once and for all. We ain't gonna stop till we run ever last one of them buncha no good you-know-whats off our planet."
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