"A philosophical exploration of what happiness is and the search for meaning in nonmonogamous relationships.
The love story we’re all familiar with ends with “ … and they lived happily ever after.” But how often do we hear a nonmonogamous love story with that ending? In all kinds of contexts, nonmonogamous happiness is erased. From the ubiquitous “friend who tried it once and it didn’t end well” to Dan Savage’s long-term jokes about never being invited to a polyamorous third wedding anniversary, we are repeatedly assured that nonmonogamy leads to misery.
In “real” love, we are taught to expect the opposite: to expect happiness. When we want to ask if someone’s relationship is going well, we ask if they are “happy with” their partner. We might even ask whether their partner makes them happy. But what does love have to do with happiness?
Doesn’t love have space to accommodate the full range of emotional experience? Carrie Jenkins thinks it does, or at least it can. She draws connections between the expectation that love will make us happy and the undue focus on positive emotions to the exclusion of “negative” ones. She argues that love—monogamous or otherwise—might better aim at being eudaimonic than at being happy, and that we have a better chance of achieving this if we are able to make relationship choices free from the prejudices and distortions that lead to an unduly rosy view of monogamy and an unduly miserable picture of the alternatives."
"El «amor triste» y trágico surge cuando pensamos que el amor es sinónimo de felicidad, y esta sinónimo de bienestar inmediato. El amor que defiende Jenkins va mucho más allá, porque rompe el tablero de juego tradicional y establece otras coordenadas. Contra la visión romántica, Jenkins propone un amor «eudaimónico» o de los «buenos espíritus». Es decir, que no debemos buscar nuestra media naranja en algún lugar del mundo, sino generar relaciones que nos hagan mejores; rodearnos, en suma, de buenos espíritus que contribuyan al florecimiento personal y al desarrollo de nuestras capacidades.
Al rigor filosófico de esta obra Jenkins suma su propia experiencia como mujer poliamorosa, enriqueciendo la reflexión sobre amor por fuera de los marcos de la monogamia y la heterosexualidad que impone la familia tradicional."
"As a woman with a husband and other partners, philosopher Carrie Jenkins knows that love is complicated.
Love is most often associated with happiness, satisfaction, and pleasure. But it has a darker side we ignore at our peril. Love is often an uncomfortable and difficult feeling. The people we love can let us down badly. And the ways we love are often quite different to the romantic ideals society foists upon us. Since we are inevitably disappointed by love, wouldn't we be better off without it?
No, says Carrie Jenkins. Instead, we need a new philosophy of love, one that recognizes that the pain and suffering love causes are a natural, even a good part of what makes love worthwhile. What Jenkins calls 'sad love' offers no bogus 'happy ever afters'. Rather, it tries to find a way properly to integrate heartbreak and disappointment into the lived experience of love.
It's time we liberated love."
"What is love? Aside from being the title of many a popular love song, this is one of life's perennial questions. In What Love Is, philosopher Carrie Jenkins offers a bold new theory on the nature of romantic love that reconciles its humanistic and scientific components. Love can be a social construct (the idea of a perfect fairy tale romance) and a physical manifestation (those anxiety- inducing heart palpitations); we must recognize its complexities and decide for ourselves how to love. Motivated by her own polyamorous relationships, she examines the ways in which our parameters of love have recently changed-to be more accepting of homosexual, interracial, and non-monogamous relationships-and how they will continue to evolve in the future. Full of anecdotal, cultural, and scientific reflections on love, What Love Is is essential listenen for anyone seeking to understand what it means to say 'I love you.' Whether young or old, gay or straight, male or female, polyamorous or monogamous, this audiobook will help each of us decide for ourselves how we choose to love."
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