Audiobooks narrated by Jessica Almasy

Someone Save My Midlife Tonight Audiobook

"I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again… Whoever said life begins at forty must have been heavily medicated, drunk, or delusional. Three funerals without the deceased present? Crisis. One wedding run by drag queens with questionable taste in music? Semi-crisis, but doable. Dead showing up on my porch who have already crossed over? Colossal sh*tshow. This is what forty looks like for me. But now I have an even bigger problem. The Higher Power wants my daughter. It’s not happening. Period. With the love of my Immortal life by my side, along with the profane Keeper of Fate, a gaggle of mostly-intact ghosts, and a few former enemies I’m going to end the madness once and for all. Hopefully, I don’t die trying. Midlife’s a journey. Enjoy the ride. The crisis is definitely included. However, anything, and I mean, anything, is possible as long as I believe. Oh, and wine helps too."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Star Wars: The Acolyte: Wayseeker

"Brought to you by Penguin. SET IN THE ERA OF STAR WARS: THE HIGH REPUBLIC Before The Acolyte, Vernestra Rwoh must find her place in the Jedi Order. Vernestra Rwoh has spent over a decade exploring the Outer Rim as a Wayseeker, answering to no other authority but the Force itself. When a request from the Jedi Council orders her back to Coruscant, Vernestra initially refuses, feeling that her first priority should be to the beings she's already serving. But after Jedi Master Indara arrives to ask for Vernestra’s aid in person, Vernestra finds herself pulled back into Coruscant’s complicated world of Republic politics and underworld crime. As the two delve further into their investigation, and the lines between Jedi and Republic business blur, and Vernestra must reconsider what it means to serve for Light and Life. © Justina Ireland 2025 (P) Penguin Audio 2025"

Justina Ireland (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Another Underworld

"What does a forty-year-old former child star do when she finds out she’s an immortal Demon Goddess and that she’s pissed off the wrong entity? A sitcom starring Demons and munchkins, of course. Is reality weirder than fiction? Yes. Yes it is. I just lived through a dream state mash-up of The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, and Survivor. You’d think I’d catch a break. You would be incorrect. After successfully evicting my mortal enemy—now frenemy—who was squatting in my head, and making friends with fanged munchkins who bare uncanny resemblances to Hollywood A-listers, I now have a new enemy—a really powerful and vengeful enemy. Fine. Being an actress my entire life has blessed me with thick skin, an excellent bull-crap meter and the gift of being somewhat adept at improv. With my skills as an actress, my new Demon Club Card, and the love of my immortal life by my side, I’m prepared to show my enemy who’s the boss… and it’s not Tony Danza."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Star Wars: Tempest Breaker: The High Republic

"Brought to you by Penguin. The Jedi reluctantly team up with the nefarious Lourna Dee in this all-new Star Wars audiobook original, narrated by a full cast. Lourna Dee is not a villain. She’s not a hero. She’s a survivor. The former Tempest Runner, wanted by both her Nihil allies and the Republic, has evaded imprisonment and death from both groups more times than she can count. But even Lourna cannot outrun the mysterious blight that devours everything wherever it appears. And Marchion Ro, the Eye of the Nihil, has announced that only he knows the secret to stopping it. Desperate, the Republic and Jedi turn to Lourna with an offer: help the Jedi stop the blight, and in return, Lourna will have a clean slate and the chance to decide her own future. Teamed with Avar Kriss and Keeve Trennis, the same Jedi who once hunted her, Lourna leads the search for the Nihil’s chief scientist, Baron Boolan, the only being who may have answers to the mystery of the blight, as well as Marchion Ro’s true plans. Lourna weighs the Republic’s offer of true freedom against her own instincts for survival as her team heads deeper into Nihil territory, straight toward the very dangers Lourna has worked for so long to elude. And when the opportunity arises to face off against Marchion Ro himself, even Lourna Dee may be willing to sacrifice everything to fulfill a quest for revenge. ©2024 Cavan Scott (P)2024 Penguin Audio"

Cavan Scott (Author), Cavan Scott, Dani Martineck, Full Cast, January LaVoy, Jessica Almasy, Jonanthan Davis, Kristen Sieh, Manoel Felciano, Marc Thompson, Saskia Maarleveld, Sean Kenin Elias-Reyes, Shannon Tyo, Sneha Mathan, Soneela Nankani (Narrator)

Audiobook

Blaze of Our Lives

"An unemployed actress turned Demon Goddess ends up with another Goddess treating her brain like a vacation rental. Sounds like a log line from a crappy B-Movie, right? Well, unfortunately, this horror flick is reality TV at its most dramatic. Welcome to B*tch Goddess Cecily’s World. Lights. Camera. Action! The show must go on … even if it takes a U-turn into Hell. I have too much to lose if Pandora wins. With the love of my demonic life by my side, along with the profane, toothpick-loving Keeper of Fate, and a cast of inappropriate characters, I’m going to embrace this starring role. I have to. If I can’t solve the problem of unboxing the box, my life as I know it will be over. No TV show, no close-up, and, definitely, no Emmy. So, I’m onto my next gig. I have no clue how the episode will end. If I go down, I go down fighting. Forget the blaze of glory. This finale will be the blaze of my life."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

A Leaner Meaner Midlife

"I want to live my life in peace for a little while as opposed to pieces. I don’t know who I have to bribe to catch a break, but I’m willing to pay the big bucks. Apparently, no one got the memo. Midlife is one messy ride. Fine. I’m off to Lexington, Kentucky to find a self-proclaimed dragon who sports a mullet, beer belly, and delusions of Immortal grandeur. This time he’s gone too far. He’s messed with me and mine for the last time. The way to end a dragon is to remove his tail. We thought we had. A tail is in the back. Right? Wrong. So, so wrong. With the love of my Immortal life by my side along with a few smack-talking, geriatric Nephilim and a foul-mouthed, toothpick loving Keeper of Fate, I’m ready. And when it’s done, I’m taking a freaking vacation. I’ve earned it. It’s time to slay the dragon for good. This time there will be no mercy."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Guiding Blight

"I crashed the Immortal party and it ended with a surprise encore … a big one. I thought being a Demon sucked, but being a Demon Goddess is a whole ’nother level. Life had been so much easier when I was just a forty-year-old has-been actress trying to make a comeback in the land of Botox and BS. For the love of everything absurd, I was just getting used to being a Demon … and BAM … all of a sudden I’m supposed to be one of the two gals in charge? I mean, being the co-star of the show is great until it involves ruling the Darkness with the evil whack job who destroyed my mother. Pandora is a guiding blight in my world, and I plan to cancel her at all costs. With my Demon love by my side and a gaggle of Immortal nutbags along for the ride, I’ll find the vicious Goddess and put her back in her box. Ah well, fate is set. Destiny is my performance to command. I plan to improv the heck out of it. Go big or go home is my new modus operandi. Although, right now, home sounds seriously appealing. Either way, I’m strapping in and getting ready for the wildest gig yet."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

It’s A Hell Of A Midlife

"I did not order the extra slice of Armageddon to go with my midlife crisis. Apparently, if you’re an Immortal, it comes free of charge. I have until sundown tomorrow to get to a parallel plane of existence, save my family, and kick bad-guy butt all before the world ends. Impossible, right? Not according to my posse of whackado buddies. They like to remind me that nothing is impossible as long as I believe. Well, I’m about to be the mother of all believers. Armed with nothing but a folder titled “Sh*t Pile” and backed by a few fabulous drag queens, a toothpick-chewing nutjob, a sweetheart with a penchant for sharing disgusting facts, and an ice queen who doesn’t play nice with others, we have our work cut out for us. Time is not on my side, and I am having one hell of a midlife crisis."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Great Texas Dragon Race

"Wings of Fire meets The Hunger Games in this debut contemporary middle grade fantasy stand-alone about thirteen-year-old Cassidy Drake, who enters the dangerous Great Texas Dragon Race to save her family’s dragon sanctuary. Thirteen-year-old Cassidy Drake wants nothing more than to race with her best dragon, Ranga, in the annual Great Texas Dragon Race. Her mother was a racing legacy, and growing up on her family's dragon sanctuary ranch, Cassidy lives and breathes dragons. She knows she could win against the exploitative FireCorp team that cares more about corporate greed than caring for the dragons. Cassidy is so determined to race that she sneaks out of her house against her father's wishes and enters the competition. Soon Cassidy takes to the skies with Ranga across her glorious Lone Star State. But with five grueling tasks ahead of her, dangerous dragon challenges waiting at each one, and more enemies than allies on the course, Cassidy will need to know more than just dragons to survive. Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook."

Kacy Ritter (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

No One Leaves the Castle

"The Brothers Grimm meets Knives Out in this unexpected, hilarious, and wholly original fantasy-murder-mystery. The Lilac. The bard songs say that she’s the world’s most fearsome bounty hunter. That there’s no criminal she can’t catch, no mystery she can’t solve. None of that is true. Yet. In reality, the Lilac is just a kid, and the bard who wrote all that is her best friend, Dulcinetta. But the Lilac has set her goals on becoming the best bounty hunter in the Thirteen Kingdoms—and when a priceless artifact goes missing from the home of famed monster hunter Baron Angbar, the Lilac and Netta are eager to apprehend the thief and make a name for themselves. But when their investigation brings them to a dinner party at Castle Angbar, and they meet the Angbar family and their servants and guests—an unsavory group of nobles, mages, and assorted creatures, each more shady than the last—the Lilac begins to wonder if the reward is worth the trouble. And that’s before the dead body is discovered. Now, everyone is magically sealed inside the castle—and there is a murderer among them. If the Lilac wants to make it out with her reputation intact, it’s going to be up to her to figure out who the killer is. But everyone in the castle—even the Lilac herself—has secrets to hide, and as the walls literally start to close in around them, the Lilac worries that her first job as a bounty hunter may be her last…"

Christopher Healy (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Bold and the Banished

"My motto—Let’s get this party started. My goal—staying alive. Recently, I was given my own sitcom and my forties were looking fabulous. My dreams were finally coming true—were being the operative word. Of course, just when I think I might have a grip on my newly discovered Demon status, it all goes to Hell. Literally. I’ve gone from enemies-to-lovers back to enemies with the hottest Demon alive, who also happens to be the producer on my show. What I’d like to do is never see Abaddon’s stupidly handsome face again. Too bad, so sad. I need his help. The evil whack-job Pandora has kidnapped someone who I love and adore. That’s not working for me. At all. With a grenade carrying Succubus, an Angel with a penchant for blue lipliner, a Demon with bigger boobs than sense, and Abaddon on my team, I’m going into the Darkness to save someone I can’t live without. I have no clue what’s coming next, but as an actress I’m not afraid to go method. I’ve already cried my river of tears and built a bridge to get over it. I’ll cross it as a badass as I face my Immortal enemy, because in my line of work, fortune favors the Bold."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Run for Your Midlife

"Lately, my life has been a big, fat, hairy midlife crisis. I could really go for a boring day or three. Apparently, there’s no rest for the over-forty crowd. Yes, I have fabulous friends.Yes, I have a beautiful baby.Yes, the ghosts are coming back home. Yes, I’m in love with the Grim Reaper. However, that sexy Demon has got some major ’splainin’ to do … like his possible involvement in the shocking kidnapping of my worst and most deadly enemy. With a drag queen and an ice queen as my back up, we’re going to sashay away into the Darkness to find the truth and turn a wrong into a right. Although, I’m learning fast that black and white are often clouded with shades of gray. Whatever. I’m putting on my rose-colored glasses and going for it. I plan to live midlife in peace … not pieces. Good luck to me."

Robyn Peterman (Author), Jessica Almasy (Narrator)

Audiobook

Audiobooks Narrated by Jessica Almasy