Audiobooks by Pam Ayres

Pam Ayres, one of Britain's best loved entertainers, personally presents this audiobook which brings together two of her solo stage shows with live audiences. Pam introduces each recording and then, as a bonus, reads a collection of new and previously unrecorded poems from her two most recent books, You Made Me Late Again and Up In The Attic. With poems such as My Mother Was Right About You, Geriatric Juliet, Poor Old Father Christmas, and The Hat From Hell, blending Pam's characteristically sharp wit with her warm, comic observations on everyday life, this hilariously funny collection is a must-have for seasoned fans and first time listeners alike. It also includes some of Pam's more reflective poems including the title poem, Down the Line, which she wrote for the 100th Anniversary of the end of the First World War. "Pam Ayres is absolutely essential to British humour." MAIL ON SUNDAY

Pam Ayres (Author), Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Ayres on the Air: The Complete Series 1-6: The BBC Radio 4 sketch show

Writer, poet, and broadcaster Pam Ayres has been making her fans smile for more than 30 years, since her first television appearance on Opportunity Knocks. Now some of her best sketches, verses and songs are brought together in this complete collection of series 1-6 of her Radio 4 show, Ayres on the Air . Each series consists of 4 episodes, with Pam performing witty and wonderful pieces on subjects as diverse as getting older, shopping and a surfeit of beige, bored chickens and school plays. With each sketch, she delights and entertains in a way that is unique to this very special broadcaster.

Pam Ayres (Author), Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Ayres On The Air: Series 4

These four brand new shows, made up of a delightful mix of poems, personal stories and sketches, are themed around the seasons: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Pam is once again joined by actors Felicity Montagu and Geoffrey Whitehead for sketches about topics including the May elections, spring cleaning, keeping cool, wedding gifts, Parents' Evening, bonfires, competitive ailments and the Twelve Days of Christmas. Poems include 'I Was Standing by the Cow', 'Heaps of Stuff', 'No Alarm on the Flight Deck', 'That Perfect Swimsuit', 'The Harvest Hymn' and 'Insomnia'. Full of fabulous material, this will amuse and entertain Pam Ayres fans all year round.

Others, Pam Ayres, Peter Reynolds (Author), Felicity Montagu, Geoffrey Whitehead, Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Necessary Aptitude: A Memoir

NEXT, I APPLIED TO WORK IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT, a sealed room where women operated clattering machines like enormous typewriters. After I had catastrophically and erroneously applied all the wrong information to several trolley loads of documents and lumbered the staff with weeks of corrective work, I was shown the door by a tight-lipped manageress. I knew what was coming. Over the relentless, furious din of machinery, I lip-read the familiar words: 'Lacks the necessary aptitude. ''Pam Ayres' early childhood in Stanford in the Vale was idyllic in many ways, and typical of that experienced by a great swathe of children born in rural areas in the immediate post-war years. Though her parents' generation was harrowed by war, better times were coming. Everything the family needed was within walking distance in the village, and life with four older brothers and a sister in their crowded council house was exceedingly lively. In her late teens, Pam grew dissatisfied with her life as a Civil Service clerk with only the local 'hop' for scintillating excitement. Having seen three of her brothers called up for National Service and sent off to exciting destinations, Pam felt desperate for travel and adventure. She joined the WRAF and soon found herself in the Far East. There she began to write in earnest, and develop the unique talent that would make her one of Britain's favourite comics. . . Written with Pam's much-loved combination of humour and poignancy, The Necessary Aptitude is a beautifully written memoir of her early years.

Pam Ayres (Author), Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Ayres On The Air: Series 1

Pam Ayres brings you four brand new shows made up of a delightful mix of poems, personal stories and sketches on subjects that have recently inspired her: Passion, In The Doghouse, On Yer Bike and Shopping. She's joined by actors Felicity Montagu and Geoffrey Whitehead for sketches including those about the joys of owning a dog, the agony of attempting to get in shape for a holiday, the challenge of trying to reignite the passion in a relationship and the horror of being given advice in a cosmetics department. Poems include 'Don't Ask Me to the Wedding', 'I'm the Dog Who Didn't Win the Prize', 'Tippy Tappy Feet', 'The Pension Poem' and 'Through the Lens.' Packed with hilarious material, this audio release will delight and amuse Pam Ayres fans everywhere.

Others, Pam Ayres, Peter Reynolds (Author), Felicity Montagu, Geoffrey Whitehead, Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Pam Ayres In Potting On

Pam and Gordon Grant are a couple at odds running a rural garden centre. While Pam still feels young and is determined to avoid the slippery slope into middle-age, Gordon seems keen to dive in - slippers first. Pam’s ally at the garden centre is teenager Carol, a girl more than happy to speak her mind. If only, Gordon complains, there was something in her peroxide head apart from boob jobs, alco-pops, Johnny Depp and bronzed chests smothered in baby oil... Naïve deputy manager Dave, though older than Carol, is smitten. Luckily, he has Pam to advise him on the route to Carol’s heart: like pointing out that metal detecting is NOT a good idea for a hot date! And how could the garden centre survive without the ancient and, quite frankly, bizarre Roy, the highly inaccurate singer of pop songs and runner-up in the Gloucester beauty pageant? Will Pam’s last fling at life, adventure and fun overcome Gordon’s passion for comfortable trousers, caravanning and penny-pinching? Let battle among the begonias commence!

Christoper Thompson, Pam Ayres, Peter Reynolds (Author), Full Cast, Geoffrey Whitehead, Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Ayres On The Air: Series 2

Just over thirty years ago, a little-known poet named Pam Ayres made her debut on the ITV talent show Opportunity Knocks. Since then, she has taken the nation by storm, entertaining millions of people with her books, stage shows and radio and television appearances. Her first BBC Radio 4 series, Ayres on the Air, was a huge success, and this second series proves to be every bit as droll and delightful. A mix of comic poetry, sketches, and observations on life, each programme is themed around a different subject: Fame, Animals, Travel, Motherhood, The Old Days and Food. Here are much-loved poems such as 'Do You Think Bruce Springsteen would Fancy Me?', 'I'm Going to Be Surgically Enhanced', 'Clamp the Mighty Limpet', 'How Can That Be My Baby?', 'The Dolly on the Dustcart', 'With These Hands' and 'Thoughts of a Late-Night Knitter'; and sketches about the frustration of calling rail enquiry lines, the art of text messaging, and trying to stick to a diet. These six programmes show the inimitable Pam Ayres at her warmest and wittiest, and are guaranteed to amuse and delight her many fans.

Others, Pam Ayres, Peter Reynolds (Author), Felicity Montagu, Geoffrey Whitehead, Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Pam Ayres Live On Stage

Pam Ayres' stage show has been a sell-out success throughout the world. With her natural warmth and wit she builds up a rapport with the audience that guarantees an evening of fun and laughter. Pam's reflections on daily life bring a chuckle of recognition from people of all ages. Whether she's reminiscing about the spartan conditions on a caravan holiday in the Fifties, or describing her less-than-spectacular prowess in a Nineties' gym, her wonderfully accurate wit is always a delight. In this live recording of Pam Ayres on stage at the Swan Theatre, Stratford, she includes - along with a few of her classic poems - more recent gems such as Sexy at Sixty, The Wonderbra and With These Hands to provide a richly entertaining example of Pam Ayres at her best.

Pam Ayres (Author), Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Pam Ayres Poetry Collection

Warm and witty, direct and droll, the sharply funny Pam Ayres has been amusing and entertaining her many fans for more than 30 years since her first television appearance on Opportunity Knocks. Her humorous observations of daily life touch a chord with anybody who's ever been bewildered by the exercise craze or has yearned after the vanished Spotted Dick. In this collection, Pam reads over 50 of her best-known and loved poems, including such favourites as 'Oh I Wish I'd Looked After Me Teeth', 'I'm a Starling...me Darling', 'Will I have to be Sexy at Sixty?', and 'St. Tesco'. Many of the poems include a personal introduction by Pam.

Pam Ayres (Author), Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook

Ayres On The Air: Series 2

Writer, poet and broadcaster Pam Ayres has been making her fans smile for more than thirty years since her first television appearance on Opportunity Knocks. This recording is taken from four of Pam's live shows for her BBC Radio 4 series Ayres On The Air, and is packed with her usual mix of comic poetry, prose and droll observations on life. Pam Ayres has recently been 'rediscovered' via her appearances on Radio 4's Just a Minute, That Reminds Me and Loose Ends, and Ayres On The Air has been celebrated on both Pick of the Week and Feedback. She regularly tours both the UK and abroad, performing to sell-out audiences. Here, Pam can be heard delighting her public on such topics as holidays, families, ageing and country living. With sketches about being 'Topless at 60', getting shingles up the Orinoco and the joys of buying a tractor; and poems including: 'The Wonderbra', 'Littering', 'Poor Dad' and 'The Voice at the Foot of the Stairs', this collection showcases one of the nation's most popular poets at her very best.

Others, Pam Ayres, Peter Reynolds (Author), Felicity Montagu, Geoffrey Whitehead, Pam Ayres (Narrator)

Audiobook