Audiobooks by Carl Hiaasen

Key West is a smuggler's paradise. All that's needed are the captains to run the contraband and Breeze Albury is one of the best fishing captains on the Rock. He's in no mood to become the Machine's delivery boy, however. So the Machine sets out to persuade him. It starts by taking away Albury's livelihood and his freedom. But when the Machine threatens Albury's son, the washed-out wharf rat turns into a raging, sea-going vigilante.

Bill Montalbano, Carl Hiaasen (Author), George Wilson (Narrator)

Audiobook

Tourist Season

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Carl Hiaasen's best-selling novels are funny and sardonic. Hilarious postcards of south Florida, they also decry the lurid commercialism that is draining and paving the tropical landscape. Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless 'snowbirds' away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt. The cast, which includes a deranged journalist, a visionary ex-jock and a lovesick detective, is just the kind of company Carl Hiaasen's fans love to keep. Narrator George Wilson's performance lures each quirky character out into the full light of the Florida sun. With over half a million copies in print, this is one of Hiaasen's most popular works.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), George Wilson (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Edible Exile: A Byliner Original

Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause—with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice—a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes “The Edible Exile,” a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar. This cheeky tale, written twenty-five years ago, set aside, and recently rediscovered, is a time-capsule glimpse of Miami during the over-the-top 1980s, when everyone was on the make and gross excess was the order of the day. In an intriguing twist, Hiaasen had lost his original ending to the story. “So I decided to write a new ending,” he says. “As a friend said, ‘How often does a writer get the opportunity to collaborate with a younger version of himself?’” “The Edible Exile” is a wild romp through Hiaasen Country, sure to appeal to the outlaw in all of us.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Scott Brick (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Downhill Lie

Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl Hiaasen wisely quit golfing in 1973. But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years–and memories of shanked 7-irons faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son–and also as a grandfather. "What possesses a man to return in midlife to a game at which he'd never excelled in his prime, and which in fact had dealt him mostly failure, angst and exasperation? Here's why I did it: I'm one sick bastard." And thus we have Carl's foray into a world of baffling titanium technology, high-priced golf gurus, bizarre infomercial gimmicks and the mind-bending phenomenon of Tiger Woods; a maddening universe of hooks and slices where Carl ultimately–and foolishly–agrees to compete in a country-club tournament against players who can actually hit the ball. "That's the secret of the sport's infernal seduction," he writes. "It surrenders just enough good shots to let you talk yourself out of quitting." Hiaasen's chronicle of his shaky return to this bedeviling pastime and the ensuing demolition of his self-esteem–culminating with the savage 45-hole tournament–will have you rolling with laughter. Yet the bittersweet memories of playing with his own father and the glow he feels when watching his own young son belt the ball down the fairway will also touch your heart. Forget Tiger, Phil and Ernie. If you want to understand the true lure of golf, turn to Carl Hiaasen, who offers an extraordinary audiobook for the ordinary hacker.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Carl Hiaasen (Narrator)

Audiobook

Strip Tease

No matter what you heard or thought about the movie version of Strip Tease, forget it. Film simply can't catch the layers of humor, satire, and imagination that Pulitzer Prize-winning author Carl Hiaasen creates in each of his novels. When a deranged Florida congressman falls for a gorgeous but virtuous stripper, he dedicates himself to pursuing this tasselled princess. Not only is she a real beauty, she's a damsel in distress. The effects of his quest will ripple through the spotlights of the strip joint, the sugar cane fields of south Florida, and some powerful political careers. Fueled by innocent lust and dizzy miscalculations, this story will keep you howling with surprise. George Wilson's colorful narration is the perfect vehicle for Carl Hiaasen's twisted fairy tale.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), George Wilson (Narrator)

Audiobook

Stormy Weather

Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and best-selling author, has earned a reputation for perceptive, sharp-edged suspense that also cuts to the bone of environmental issues. His novels have been translated into many languages and are touted worldwide for their quirky characters and surreal adventures set in the ravaged cultural wasteland of southern Florida. Stormy Weather centers on the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew. The devastation of the storm has attracted crowds of voyeurs and impostors to Florida. Drawn by the chance to prey on Andrew's victims, misfits like the murderous ex-con Snapper and the dangerously seductive Edie find easy targets for their insurance scams. They're not prepared, though, when they meet their opposition, led by a hoary ex-governor who smokes toads. Both hilariously funny and deadly accurate, Carl Hiaasen's novel will take you into a Florida that is far from the frilly palms and pink flamingos of its post cards. Strap on your seatbelt. Stormy Weather is an unforgettable, turbulent ride.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), George Wilson (Narrator)

Audiobook

Star Island

Meet twenty-two-year-old Cherry Pye (née Cheryl Bunterman), a pop star since she was fourteen—and about to attempt a comeback from her latest drug-and-alcohol disaster. Now meet Cherry again: in the person of her "undercover stunt double," Ann DeLusia. Ann portrays Cherry whenever the singer is too "indisposed"—meaning wasted—to go out in public. And it is Ann-mistaken-for-Cherry who is kidnapped from a South Beach hotel by obsessed paparazzo Bang Abbott. Now the challenge for Cherry's handlers (über–stage mother; horndog record producer; nipped, tucked, and Botoxed twin publicists; weed whacker–wielding bodyguard) is to rescue Ann while keeping her existence a secret from Cherry's public—and from Cherry herself. The situation is more complicated than they know. Ann has had a bewitching encounter with Skink—the unhinged former governor of Florida living wild in a mangrove swamp—and now he's heading for Miami to find her . . . Will Bang Abbott achieve his fantasy of a lucrative private photo session with Cherry Pye? Will Cherry sober up in time to lip-synch her way through her concert tour? Will Skink track down Ann DeLusia before Cherry's motley posse does? All will be revealed in this hilarious spin on life in the celebrity fast lane.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Stephen Hoye (Narrator)

Audiobook

Star Island

Twenty-two-year-old pop star Cherry Pye is attempting a comeback from her latest drug-fuelled disaster. Her 'stunt double' Ann travels everywhere with her, throwing paparazzi off the scent when they get too close. But one night, Ann's resemblance to Cherry Pye proves too convincing - she is kidnapped by an obsessed paparazzo who only realises his mistake once it is too late to go back...

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Jeff Harding (Narrator)

Audiobook

Squirm

Newbery Honor-winning and #1 New York Times bestselling author Carl Hiaasen--beloved for his modern classics like Hoot and Chomp--delivers a wildly entertaining novel involving snakes, grizzlies, a missing dad, a menacing drone, and more! Some facts about Billy Dickens: * He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. * Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. * Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: * They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. * Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. * Billy has just found his dad's address--in Montana. This summer, Billy will fly across the country, hike a mountain, float a river, dodge a grizzly bear, shoot down a spy drone, save a neighbor's cat, save an endangered panther, and then try to save his own father. Carl Hiaasen tells a wickedly funny, slightly twisted tale about families, figuring out what's really important, and knowing when (and when not) to let things go.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Kirby Heyborne (Narrator)

Audiobook

Squeeze Me: A Novel

FROM THE BEST-SELLING AUTHOR OF SKINNY DIP AND RAZOR GIRL, A HILARIOUS NEW NOVEL OF SOCIAL AND POLITICAL INTRIGUE, SET AGAINST THE GLITTERING BACKDROP OF FLORIDA'S GOLD COAST It's the height of the Palm Beach charity ball season: for every disease or cause, there's a reason for the local luminaries to eat (minimally), drink (maximally), and be seen. But when a prominent high-society dowager suddenly vanishes during a swanky gala, and is later found dead in a concrete grave, panic and chaos erupt. Kiki Pew was notable not just for her wealth and her jewels-she was an ardent fan of the Winter White House resident just down the road and a founding member of the Potussies, a group of women dedicated to supporting their President. Never one to miss an opportunity to play to his base, the President immediately declares that Kiki was the victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, it turns out, is far from the truth. The truth might lie in the middle of the highway, where a bizarre discovery brings the First Lady's mo-torcade to a grinding halt (followed by some grinding between the First Lady and a lovestruck Secret Ser¬vice agent). Enter Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, who arrives at her own conclusions after she is summoned to the posh island to deal with a mysterious and impolite influx of huge, hungry pythons . . . Carl Hiaasen brightens even the darkest of days, and Squeeze Me is pure, unadulterated Hiaasen. Ir-reverent, ingenious, and highly entertaining, Squeeze Me perfectly captures the absurdity of our times. "The undisputed master of organized chaos . . . Hiaasen's satire is a fierce unmuzzled snarl, swiftly followed by a painfully ironic bite. Quite simply, brilliant." THE SUNDAY TIMES "Carl Hiaasen [is] a superb national satirist . . . A great American writer about the great American subjects of ambition, greed, vanity, and disappointment." ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY "[Hiaasen is] a master of the comic crime novel." THE DAILY TELEGRAPH

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Scott Brick (Narrator)

Audiobook

Skinny Dip

Chaz Perrone might be the only marine scientist in the world who doesn't know which way the Gulf Stream runs. He might also be the only one who went into biology just to make a killing, and now he's found a way doctoring water samples so that a ruthless agribusiness tycoon can continue illegally dumping fertilizer into the endangered Everglades. When Chaz suspects that his wife, Joey, has figured out his scam, he pushes her overboard from a cruise liner into the night-dark Atlantic. Unfortunately for Chaz, his wife doesn't die in the fall.Clinging blindly to a bale of Jamaican pot, Joey Perrone is plucked from the ocean by former cop and current loner Mick Stranahan. Instead of rushing to the police and reporting her husband's crime, Joey decides to stay dead and (with Mick's help) screw with Chaz until he screws himself.As Joey haunts and taunts her homicidal husband, as Chaz's cold-blooded cohorts in pollution grow uneasy about his ineptitude and increasingly erratic behavior, as Mick Stranahan discovers that six failed marriages and years of island solitude haven't killed the reckless romantic in him, we're taken on a hilarious, full-throttle, pure Hiaasen ride through the warped politics and mayhem of the human environment, and the human heart.

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Barry Bostwick, Stephen Hoye (Narrator)

Audiobook

Skinny Dip

Carl Hiaasen (Author), Barry Bostwick (Narrator)

Audiobook