And So I Run

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Jamie Doward asks the question: is running fight or flight? He has plenty to flee. Shame, grief, and what he calls “monstrous behaviour” haunt his past. This is the memoir of a man on the run—from his demons, his drinking, his self-destructive tendencies. For Jamie, running isn’t about fitness or medals—it’s about survival. “If I don’t run,” he says, “bad things happen.”

At its heart, And So I Run is a raw and often bleak exploration of mental health, addiction, and the fragile masculinity of a man struggling to stay upright. Doward is angry. He drinks too much. He fails in relationships. But when he runs, something shifts. The crisis that arrives in midlife—on a treadmill in a moment of personal collapse—propels him towards a kind of salvation, one footstep at a time.

He becomes hooked on endorphins, serotonin, and chasing personal bests. His arching narrative is around the London Marathon with other events and journeys fleshing out the story. But it is London he keeps returning to, chasing that 3 hour time. Beneath and beyond that he is also searching for something deeper: a way to process the big themes—death, family, relationships—that he’s long buried under that anger. One striking chapter finds him on the start line of the London Marathon, life flashing before his eyes. It's as if the start line has become the finish line, beyond it the void.

Is Doward just another “proud-wounded MAMIL” or can he cross the Rubicon and come out the other side? Is he a fighter or a flighter? Perhaps he’s both. Either way, he’s no longer pretending to be anything but his true self. Running did that.

Greg Hackett

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