Tom Holt - Author

About the Author

Tom Holt was born in London in September 1961. At Oxford he studied bar billiards, ancient Greek agriculture and the care and feeding of small, temperamental Japanese motorcycle engines; interests which led him, perhaps inevitably, to qualify as a solicitor and emigrate to Somerset, where he specialised in death and taxes for seven years before going straight in 1995. Now a full-time writer, Tom lives in Chard Somerset, with his wife, one daughter and the unmistakable scent of blood, wafting in on the breeze from the local meat-packing plant.

Featured books by Tom Holt

When it's Ajar

When it's Ajar

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 17/12/2013

Maurice has just killed a dragon with a breadknife. And had his destiny foretold ...and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism. Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends on his legs are called ...and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything. Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all. WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR?

Other books by Tom Holt

The Management Style of the Supreme Beings

The Management Style of the Supreme Beings

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 22/06/2017

When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them any more, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place. Unfortunately, the sudden disappearance of right and wrong, while welcomed by some, raises certain concerns amongst those still attached to the previous team's management style. In particular, there's one of the old gods who didn't move out with the others. A reclusive chap, he lives somewhere up north, and only a handful even believe in him. But he's watching. And he really does need to know if you've been naughty or nice.

The Good, the Bad and the Smug

The Good, the Bad and the Smug

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 28/07/2015

New Evil. Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet. Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it.

The Outsorcerer's Apprentice

The Outsorcerer's Apprentice

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 15/07/2014

A HAPPY WORKFORCE, IT IS SAID, IS A PRODUCTIVE WORKFORCE. Try telling that to an army of belligerent goblins. Or the Big Bad Wolf. Or a professional dragon slayer. Who is looking after their well-being? Who gives a damn about their intolerable working conditions, lack of adequate health insurance, and terrible coffee in the canteen? Thankfully, with access to an astonishingly diverse workforce and limitless natural resources, maximizing revenue and improving operating profit has never really been an issue for the one they call 'the Wizard.' Until now. Because now a perfectly good business model-based on sound fiscal planning, entrepreneurial flair, and only one or two of the infinite parallel worlds that make up our universe-is about to be disrupted by a young man not entirely aware of what's going on. There's also a slight risk that the fabric of reality will be torn to shreds. You really do have to be awfully careful with these things.

When it's Ajar

When it's Ajar

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 17/12/2013

Maurice has just killed a dragon with a breadknife. And had his destiny foretold ...and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism. Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends on his legs are called ...and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything. Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all. WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR?

When It's A Jar

When It's A Jar

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 17/12/2013

Maurice has just killed a dragon with a bread knife. And had his destiny foretold... and had his true love spirited away. That's precisely the sort of stuff that'd bring out the latent heroism in anyone. Unfortunately, Maurice is pretty sure he hasn't got any latent heroism.Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking). He can't get out, of course, but neither can he remember his name, or what gravity is, or what those things on the ends of his legs are called... and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. Forget everything.Only one thing might help him. The answer to the most baffling question of all...WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR?

Doughnut

Doughnut

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 05/03/2013

The doughnut is a thing of beauty. A circle of fried doughy perfection. A source of comfort in trying times, perhaps. For Theo Bernstein, however, it is far, far more. Things have been going pretty badly for Theo Bernstein. An unfortunate accident at work lost him his job (and his work involved a Very Very Large Hadron Collider, so he's unlikely to get it back). His wife has left him. And he doesn't have any money. Before Theo has time to fully appreciate the pointlessness of his own existence, news arrives that his good friend Professor Pieter van Goyen, renowned physicist and Nobel laureate, has died. By leaving the apparently worthless contents of his safety deposit to Theo, however, the professor has set him on a quest of epic proportions. A journey that will rewrite the laws of physics. A battle to save humanity itself. This is the tale of a man who had nothing and gave it all up to find his destiny - and a doughnut.

Lucia Triumphant

Lucia Triumphant

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 01/11/2012

Grailblazers

Grailblazers

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Fifteen hundred years have passed and the Holy Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable. The knights have dumped the quest and now deliver pizzas, while the sinister financial services of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon.

My Hero

My Hero

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

This is the story of Jane who finds the novel she is working on starts to write back. She's already realized novel writing isn't such a piece of cake after all, and the world of fiction is a far more complicated place than she ever imagined.

Overtime

Overtime

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Guy is a Mosquito pilot in World War II. He is surprised when his dead co-pilot apparently starts speaking to him as they are flying over Northern France. And before you can say "e;Bomber Harris"e;, Guy finds himself caught up in time and travel, a search for Richard the Lionheart and a damsel.

Who's Afraid of Beowulf

Who's Afraid of Beowulf

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Digging up the remains of an ancient band of Vikings, archaeologist Hildy is astounded when they rise from the dead, bearing an appetite for seagulls, a twelve-thousand-year-old grudge, and a thirst for war.

Better Mousetrap

Better Mousetrap

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

It touches all our lives-our triumphs and tragedies, our proudest achievements, our most traumatic disasters. Alloyed of love and fear, death and fire, and the inscrutable acts of the gods, insurance is indeed the force that binds the universe together. Hardly surprising, therefore, that Frank Carpenter, one of the foremost magical practitioners of our age, felt himself irresistibly drawn to it. Until, that is, he met Jane, a high-flying corporate heroine with an annoying habit of falling out of trees and getting killed. Repeatedly. It's not long before Frank and Jane find themselves face to face with the greatest enigma of our times: When is a door not a door? When it's a mousetrap.

Djinn Rummy

Djinn Rummy

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

When Kayaguchiya Integrated Circuits III, a genie, is released from the aspirin bottle he's been stuck in for 14 years, there's bound to be trouble. Jane had wanted to end her life in peace, but now she's got a genie, things look up - until the apocalypse rears its ugly head.

Here Comes the Sun

Here Comes the Sun

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

All is not well with the universe - cutbacks have taken their toll, and the sun is dirty and late, thanks to being 30 billion miles overdue on its next service. None of the committees can agree on anything, and extreme measures seem called for.

Flying Dutch

Flying Dutch

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Mild-mannered accountant Jane Doland must track down Vanderdecker, a magically immortal Dutch sea captain who, along with his crew, has been circling the globe for four hundred years.

In Your Dreams

In Your Dreams

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Ever been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook? It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to "e;pest"e; control.

Little People

Little People

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

"e;I was eight years old when I saw my first elf."e; And for unlikely hero Michael it was his last. Cruella, Michael's unfortunately named girlfriend, doesn't approve of his obsession with the little people. But the problem is that they won't leave him alone. And who can blame them when it's Michael's own stepfather who's responsible for causing them so much misery? Oh yes. Daddy George knows that elves can do so much more than gardening.

Odds and Gods

Odds and Gods

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

This is a comedy set in the Sunnyvoyde Residential Home. Wagner got it wrong. The Twilight of the Gods isn't really that cataclysmic. After all, there's a comfy chair, a welcoming fire and three meals a day.

Only Human

Only Human

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Something is about to go wrong. Very wrong. What do you expect if the Supreme Being decides to get away from it all for a few days, leaving his naturally inquisitive son to look after the cosmic balance of things? A minor hiccup with a human soul and a welding machine soon leads to a violent belch, and before you know it the human condition-not to mention the lemming condition-is tumbling down the slippery slope to chaos.

Paint Your Dragon

Paint Your Dragon

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Sculptress Bianca Wilson is a living legend. St. George is also a legend, but not living. However, when Bianca's sculpture of the patron saint and his scaly chum gets a bit too lifelike, it opens up a new can of wyrms. The dragon knows that in the battle between Good and Evil, Evil got a raw deal and is looking to set the record straight. And George (who cheated) thinks the record's just fine as it is.

Barking

Barking

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Duncan's boss doesn't think he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn't a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan's life, along with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies, and snow-white unicorns, it's not long before things become distinctly unsettling. Hairy, even.

Open Sesame

Open Sesame

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

There was something wrong! Just as the boiling water was about to be poured on his head and the man with the red book appeared and his life flashed before his eyes, Akram the Terrible, the most feared thief in Baghdad, knew this had happened before. Many times. And he was damned if he was going to let it happen again. Just because he was a character in a story didn't mean that it always had to end this way. Meanwhile, back in Southampton, it's a bit of a shock for Michelle when she puts on her Aunt Fatima's ring and the computer and the telephone start to bitch at her for past misdemeanors. But that's nothing compared to the story that her kitchen appliances have to tell her.

Portable Door

Portable Door

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Starting a new job is always stressful, but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of H.W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organization that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins.

Snow White and the Seven Samurai

Snow White and the Seven Samurai

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Once upon a time, everything was fine. Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system, and corrupted her database-and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we?

Earth, Air, Fire and Custard

Earth, Air, Fire and Custard

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is, in fact, a deeply sinister organization with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it-particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague, Sophie-but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells. Our love-struck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.

Faust Among Equals

Faust Among Equals

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

The management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as well as had been hoped. For a start, there had been that nasty business with the perjurors, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped, and all just as the plans for the new theme park, EuroBosch, were underway.

Nothing But Blue Skies

Nothing But Blue Skies

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

There are many reasons why British summers are either non-existent or, alternatively, held on a Thursday. Many of these reasons are either scientific, mad, or both-but all of them are wrong, especially the scientific ones. The real reason why it rains perpetually from January 1st to December 31st is, of course, irritable Chinese Water Dragons. Karen is one such legendary creature. Ancient, noble, nearly indestructible and, for a number of wildly improbable reasons, working as a real estate agent, Karen is irritable quite a lot of the time. But now things have changed, and Karen's no longer irritable. She's furious.

Expecting Someone Taller

Expecting Someone Taller

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

All Malcolm Fisher did was run over a badger. Unfortunately the badger turned out to be Ingolf, last of the giants. With his dying breath he reluctantly gave Malcolm two gifts of power and made him ruler of the world.

Valhalla

Valhalla

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

As everyone knows, when great warriors die, their reward is eternal life in Odin's bijou little residence known as Valhalla. But Valhalla has just changed. It has grown. It has diversified. Just like any corporation, the Valhalla Group has had to adapt to survive. Unfortunately, not even an omniscient Norse god could have prepared Valhalla for the arrival of Carol Kortright, one-time cocktail waitress, last seen dead, and not at all happy.

Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

It was a busy day on Lake Chicopee, where an eclectic bunch of sightseers and tourists had the strange local residents rubbing their hands with delight. Among them was a young man from England, who was there because he knew about the legend of the ghost of Okeewana and what she promised.

Falling Sideways

Falling Sideways

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

From the moment Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilization. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect-all are testament to man's ultimate supremacy. It is a noble story and so, of course, complete and utter fiction. For one man has discovered the hideous truth: that humanity's ascent to civilization has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs. The man's name is David Perkins, and his theory is not, on the whole, widely admired, particularly not by the frogs themselves, who had invested a great deal of time and effort in keeping the whole thing quiet.

You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But it Helps

You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But it Helps

Author: Tom Holt Format: eBook Release Date: 04/09/2012

Colin Hollinghead is a young man going nowhere fast. Working for his dad might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but starting at the bottom in the widget-making industry has, predictably, lost its appeal. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things around-a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for all eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail-and the arch fiend definitely seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help...

Lucia in Wartime

Lucia in Wartime

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 01/08/2012

Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages

Life, Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/06/2012

Polly, an average, completely ordinary property lawyer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out.

Blonde Bombshell

Blonde Bombshell

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 20/01/2011

A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today . . .The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt.Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn't putting in any 'the's. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional.Oh #/$+! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel.

May Contain Traces Of Magic

May Contain Traces Of Magic

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 01/04/2010

There are all kinds of products. The good ones. The bad ones. The ones that stay in the garage mouldering for years until your garden gnome makes a home out of them. Most are harmless if handled properly, even if they do contain traces of peanuts. But some are not. Not the ones that contain traces of magic.Chris Popham wasn't paying enough attention when he talked to his SatNav. Sure, she gave him directions, never backtalked him, and always led him to his next spot on the map with perfect accuracy. She was the best thing in his life. So was it really his fault that he didn't start paying attention when she talked to him? In his defence, that was her job. But when 'Take the next right' turned into 'Excuse me,' that was when the real trouble started. Because sometimes a SatNav isn't a SatNav. Sometimes it's an imprisoned soul trapped inside a metal box that will do anything it can to get free. And some products you just can't return.

The Better Mousetrap

The Better Mousetrap

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/05/2009

It touches all our lives; our triumphs and tragedies, our proudest achievements, our most traumatic disasters. Alloyed of love and fear, death and fire and the inscrutable acts of the gods, insurance is indeed the force that binds the universe together. Hardly surprising, therefore, that Frank Carpenter, one of the foremost magical practitioners of our age, felt himself irresistibly drawn to it. Until, that is, he met Jane, a high-flying corporate heroine with an annoying habit of falling out of trees and getting killed. Repeatedly. It's not long before Frank and Jane find themselves face to face with the greatest enigma of our times: When is a door not a door? When it's a mousetrap.

Barking

Barking

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/02/2008

Monsters are roaming the streets of London. Of course, some monsters are scarier than others:Unicorns? No bother.Vampires? Big deal.Werewolves? Ho hum.Lawyers? ... Aaargh!Duncan's boss doesn't think that he's cut out to be a lawyer. He isn't a pack animal. He lacks the killer instinct. But when his best friend from school barges his way back into Duncan's life, with a full supporting cast of lawyers, ex-wives, zombies and snow-white unicorns, it's not long before things become distinctly unsettling. Hairy, even.

You Don't Have To Be Evil To Work Here, But It Helps

You Don't Have To Be Evil To Work Here, But It Helps

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 02/11/2006

Colin Hollinghead is a young man going nowhere fast. Working for his dad might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but starting at the bottom in the widget-making industry has somehow lost its appeal. And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help. Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell.And now the business is in trouble. At least his father has a plan to turn things round - a new work force that will improve profit margins and secure the company's future for eternity. The deal looks great on paper, but they do say that the devil is in the detail - and the old rogue certainly seems to be involved in some capacity. Colin needs help. Perhaps his new friend from J.W. Wells & Co. (Practical and Effective Magicians, Sorcerers and Supernatural Consultants) can help.Sparkling with wit and oozing charm, Tom Holt's new comic caper will delight his readers and prove once and for all that going to work can actually be hell.

Earth, Air, Fire And Custard

Earth, Air, Fire And Custard

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 19/01/2006

J.W. Wells seemed to be a respectable establishment, but the company now paying Paul Carpenter's salary is in fact a deeply sinister organisation with a mighty peculiar management team. Paul thought he was getting the hang of it (particularly when he fell head over heels for his strangely alluring colleague Sophie), but death is never far away when you work at J.W. Wells. Unlike the stapler - that's always going awol. Our lovestruck hero is about to discover that custard is definitely in the eye of the beholder. And that it really stings.Tom Holt's exceedingly comic fantasies are populated with evil goblins, annoying sprites and people like us. However, it's not always possible to tell the difference.

In Your Dreams

In Your Dreams

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 13/01/2005

Ever been offered a promotion that seems too good to be true? You know - the sort they'd be insane to be offering to someone like you. The kind where you snap their arm off to accept, then wonder why all your long-serving colleagues look secretly relieved, as if they're off some strange and unpleasant hook ...It's the kind of trick that deeply sinister companies like J.W. Wells & Co. pull all the time. Especially with employees who are too busy mooning over the office intern to think about what they're getting into. And it's why, right about now, Paul Carpenter is wishing he'd paid much less attention to the gorgeous Melze, and rather more to a little bit of job description small-print referring to 'pest' control ...

Fishy Wishes: Omnibus 7

Fishy Wishes: Omnibus 7

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/10/2004

WISH YOU WERE HERE - It was a busy day on Lake Chicopee. But it was a mixed bunch of sightseers and tourists that had the strange local residents rubbing their hands with delight. But most promising of all, there was Wesley Higgins, the young man from Birmingham, England, who was there because he knew the legend of the ghost of Okeewana. All he had to do was immerse himself in the waters of the lake and he would find his heart's desire. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.DJINN RUMMY - In an aspirin bottle, nobody can hear you scream. Outside an aspirin bottle, however, things are somewhat different. And when Kayaguchiya Integrated Circuits III (Kiss, to his friends), a Force Twelve genie with an attitude, is released after fourteen years of living with two dozen white tablets, there's bound to be trouble ... All Jane wanted to do was end her life in peace, in the privacy of a British Rail waiting room, but now she's got herself a genie for company. Lucky old Jane. Lucky, that is, until the apocalypse rears its ugly head.

Saints And Sinners: Omnibus 6

Saints And Sinners: Omnibus 6

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 02/09/2004

PAINT YOUR DRAGON - The cosmic battle between Good and Evil ... But suppose Evil threw the fight? And suppose Good cheated? When sculptress Bianca's recreation of St. George and his scaly chum gets a bit too life-like it opens up a whole new can of wyrms ... The dragon knows that Evil got a raw deal and is looking to set the record straight. And George (who cheated) thinks the record's just fine as it is. OPEN SESAME - Just as the boiling water was about to be poured on his head and his life flashed before his eyes, Akram the Terrible, the most feared thief in Baghdad, knew that this had happened before. Many times. And he was damned if he was going to let it happen again, just because he was a fictional character. Meanwhile, back in Southampton, Michelle gets a bit of a shock when she puts on her Aunt Fatima's ring and the computer and the telephone start to bitch at her. But that's nothing compared to what the kitchen appliances have to say ...

Tall Stories: Omnibus 5

Tall Stories: Omnibus 5

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 05/08/2004

EXPECTING SOMEONE TALLER - All he did was run over a badger - sad, but hardly catastrophic. But it wasn't Malcolm Fisher's day, for the badger turned out to be none other than Ingolf, last of the Giants. With his dying breath, he reluctantly handed to Malcolm two Gifts of Power, and made him ruler of the world. But can Malcolm cope with the responsibility? YE GODS! - Being a Hero bothers Jason Derry. It's easy to get maladjusted when your mum's a suburban housewife and your dad's the Supreme Being. It can be a real drag slaying fabulous monsters and retrieving golden fleeces from fire-spitting dragons, and then having to tidy your room before your mum'll let you watch Star Trek. But it's not the relentless tedium of imperishable glory that finally brings Jason to the end of his rope; it's something so funny that it's got to be taken seriously. Deadly seriously ...

For Two Nights Only For Two Nights Only: Omnibus 4 Overtime , Grailblazers

For Two Nights Only For Two Nights Only: Omnibus 4 Overtime , Grailblazers

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 04/03/2004

OVERTIMEIt all started for Guy Goodlet somewhere over Caen. One moment he was heading for the relative safety of the coast, aware that fuel was low and that the Mosquito had more than a few bullet holes in it. The next, his co-pilot was asking to be dropped off. This would have been odd if Peter had still been alive. Since he was dead, it was downright worrying. GRAILBLAZERSFifteen hundred years have passed and the Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable; the Knights have dumped the Quest and now deliver pizzas; the sinister financial services industry of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon; while in the background lurks the dark, brooding, red-caped presence of Father Christmas.

The Portable Door

The Portable Door

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 05/02/2004

Starting a new job is always stressful (especially when you don't particularly want one), but when Paul Carpenter arrives at the office of J. W. Wells he has no idea what trouble lies in store. Because he is about to discover that the apparently respectable establishment now paying his salary is in fact a front for a deeply sinister organisation that has a mighty peculiar agenda. It seems that half the time his bosses are away with the fairies. But they're not, of course. They're away with the goblins. Mister Tom Holt, Master of the Comic Fantasy Novel, cordially invites you to join him in his world of madness by reading his next hilarious masterpiece.

Little People

Little People

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 06/03/2003

I was eight years old when I saw my first elf.'... And for unlikely hero Michael it wasn't his last. Michael's unfortunately (but accurately) named girlfriend Cruella, doesn't approve of his obsession with the little people, but the problem is that they won't leave him alone. And who can blame them when it is his own stepfather who is responsible for causing them so much misery. Oh yes. Daddy George knows that elves can do so much more than the gardening.Find out more about this and other Orbit titles at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Divine Comedies Divine Comedies: Omnibus 3 Here Comes the Sun , Odd and Gods!

Divine Comedies Divine Comedies: Omnibus 3 Here Comes the Sun , Odd and Gods!

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 05/12/2002

HERE COMES THE SUNThe sun rises late, dirty and so badly in need of a service it's a wonder it gets up at all. The moon's going to be scrapped soon and a new one commissioned - but they've been saying that for years ... All is not well with the universe, and it's because the mortals are running the show. It's time for a Higher Power to take charge ...ODDS AND GODSIt's a god's life at the Sunnyvoyde Residential Home for retired deities. Everlasting life can be a real drag when all you've got to look forward to is cauliflower cheese on Wednesdays. But things are about to change, because those almighty duffers Thor, Odin and Frey have restored a thousand-year-old traction engine ... and the thing actually works. Then there's Osiris, preparing to set out on a quest that will test his wheelchair to the very limits. Only one thing might save the world. Dentures.

Falling Sideways

Falling Sideways

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 06/06/2002

From the moment the first Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilisation. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect - all are testament to man's ultimate ascendancy.It is a noble story, a triumph of intelligence over adversity and so, of course, complete and utter fiction. For one man has discovered the hideous truth: that humanity's ascent has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Mightier Than the Sword Mightier Than The Sword: Omnibus 2 My Hero , Who's Afraid of Beowulf?

Mightier Than the Sword Mightier Than The Sword: Omnibus 2 My Hero , Who's Afraid of Beowulf?

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/03/2002

MY HERO - Writing novels? Piece of cake, surely ... or so Jane thinks. Until hers starts writing back. At which point, she really should stop. The one thing she should not do is go into the book herself. After all, that's what heroes are for. Unfortunately, the world of fiction is a far more complicated place than she ever imagined. And she's about to land her hero right in it.WHO'S AFRAID OF BEOWULF? - Well, not Hrolf Earthstar, for a start. The last Norse king of Caithness, Hrolf and his twelve champions are woken from a centuries-long sleep when archaeologist Hildy Frederiksen finds their grave mound. Not only that, Hrolf decides to carry on his ancient war against the Sorcerer-King. In a mixture of P.G. Wodehouse, Norse mythology and Laurel and Hardy, Hildy and her Viking companions face such perils as BBC film crews, second-rate fish and chips and the Bakerloo line in their battle against the powers of darkness.

Nothing But Blue Skies

Nothing But Blue Skies

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 17/01/2002

There are very many reasons why British summers are either non-existent or, alternatively, held on a Thursday. Many of these reasons are either scientific, dull, or both - but all of them are wrong, especially the scientific ones. The real reason why it rains perpetually from January 1st to December 31st (incl.) is, of course, irritable Chinese Water Dragons. Karen is one such legendary creature. Ancient, noble, near-indestructible and, for a number of wildly improbable reasons, working as an estate-agent, Karen is irritable quite a lot of the time. Hence Wimbledon. But now things have changed and Karen's no longer irritable. She's FURIOUS. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit website at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Valhalla

Valhalla

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 03/05/2001

As everyone knows, when great warriors die their reward is eternal life in Odin's great hall - otherwise known as Valhalla.But Valhalla has changed. It's grown. It's diversified. Just like any corporation, the Valhalla Group has had to adapt to survive.Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared it for the arrival of Carol Kortright, one-time cocktail waitress, currently dead, and not at all happy.Sparkling comic fantasy from one of Britain's sharpest, funniest writers.More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

The Walled Orchard

The Walled Orchard

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 05/04/2001

The hero is Eupolis, weary, cynical and believing only in comedy. The heroine is Athens, at the height of her schizophrenic glory. A startling mixture of comedy and tragedy, THE WALLED ORCHARD is the poignant, charming story of their turbulent relationship.With unforgettable characters and a powerful and moving story, THE WALLED ORCHARD is a wonderful evocation of life in Ancient Greece in the fifth century BC.For information on this and other Orbit titles visit the Orbit website at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Dead Funny Dead Funny: Omnibus 1 Flying Dutch , Faust Among Equals

Dead Funny Dead Funny: Omnibus 1 Flying Dutch , Faust Among Equals

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 07/09/2000

FLYING DUTCH - It's amazing the problems drinking can get you into. One little swig from the wrong bottle and you go from being an ordinary Dutch sea-captain to an unhappy immortal, drifting around the world with your similarly immortal crew. Little does Cornelius Vanderdecker, the Flying Dutchman, suspect that a chance encounter in an English pub might just lead to the end of his cursed life.FAUST AMONG EQUALS - The management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as planned. For a start, there had been that nasty business with the perjurers, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped. But Kurt 'Mad Dog' Lundqvist, the foremost bounty hunter of all time, is on the case, and he can usually be relied on to get his man - even when that man is Lucky George Faustus ...Exuberant comedy from Tom Holt at his inventive best.

Snow White And The Seven Samurai

Snow White And The Seven Samurai

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 21/05/2000

Once upon a time (or last Thursday, as it's known in this matrix) everything was fine: Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system (mirrors 3.1) and corrupted her database - and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we? Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit and wonder from the master of comic fantasy. More information on this book and others can be found on the Orbit web-site at www.orbitbooks.co.uk

Alexander At The World's End

Alexander At The World's End

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 04/05/2000

When his father dies, and he is reduced at a stroke from prosperity to penury, Euxenus decides to leave Athens and seek his fortune elsewhere. As a philosopher and intellectual of some note, he has no difficulty getting a job as tutor to a young prince in the wealthy but utterly provincial court of King Philip of Macedon. The young prince is called Alexander, and the rest is history. Or is it? Alexander conquered Greece, Egypt and the Persian Empire in the course of eight years, amassing a huge army along the way, and leaving behind him the foundations of countless new cities named after him. He proclaimed himself a deity, and died at the age of 33. In ALEXANDER AT THE WORLD'S END, Tom Holt tells the story of two remarkable men, one of whom conquered empires and one of whom struggled to overcome the drainage problems of a small village. It is a story of two men whose paths crossed only briefly, but whose encounter changed both their lives for ever. And it is a story which throws an extraordinary new light on the man who became Alexander the Great.

Only Human

Only Human

Author: Tom Holt Format: Paperback Release Date: 06/01/2000

Something is about to go wrong. Very wrong. What do you expect if the Supreme Being decides to get away from it all for a few days, leaving his naturally inquisitive son to look after the cosmic balance of things?A minor hiccup with a human soul and a welding machine soon leads to a violent belch, and before you know it the human condition - not to mention the lemming condition - is tumbling down the slippery slope to chaos.

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