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Find out moreGill Sims is the author and illustrator of the hugely successful parenting blog and Facebook site `Peter and Jane'. She lives in Scotland with her husband, two children and a recalcitrant rescue Border Terrier, who rules the house. Gill's interests include drinking wine, wasting time on social media, trying and failing to recapture her lost youth and looking for the dog when he decides to go on one of his regular jaunts.
I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. It genuinely never occurred to me when they were little that this would ever end – an eternity of Teletubbies and Duplo and In The Night Bastarding Garden and screaming, never an end in sight. But now there is. And despite the busybody old women who used to pop up whenever I was having a bad day and tell me I would miss these days when they were over, I don’t miss those days at all. I have literally never stood wistfully in the supermarket and thought ‘Oh, how I wish someone was trailing behind me constantly whining ‘Mummy, can I have, Mummy can I have?’ while another precious moppet tries to climb out the trolley so they land on their head and we end up in A&E. Again. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she’s a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don’t know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying ‘I can’t find it Mummy’ is not the same as actually looking for it. Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she’s doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She’s feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink
You don’t have to be a Mummy to read this, or in fact to absolutely adore it. I am not a member of the Mummy club, yet I laughed hard, I smirked, I felt the pain, and the love too. This is set over a year in the life of frustrated mum Ellen, who has an eleven and a nine year old (oh and a husband and dog who convincingly add to the chaos). I would imagine there will be parents breathing a huge sigh of relief as they think, ‘I’m glad it’s not just me’. Just in case you aren’t keen, yes there is a fair bit of swearing, including some fantastically imaginative pairing of words that I definitely want to remember. Gill Sims keeps the tone light and bright, yet the pressure of balancing work and children can definitely be felt. I feel as though Ellen could be my friend, I could hear her voice as clearly as anything as I read. I actually could have been on the phone to Ellen, with her offloading her woes (while I tried unsuccessfully to stop snorting with laughter). I simply raced through ‘Why Mummy Swears’, it is a knockout read, great fun, full of empathy, and highly entertaining.
You don’t have to be a Mummy to read this, or in fact to absolutely adore it. I am not a member of the Mummy club, yet I laughed hard, I smirked, I felt the pain, and the love too. This is set over a year in the life of frustrated mum Ellen, who has an eleven and a nine year old (oh and a husband and dog who convincingly add to the chaos). I would imagine there will be parents breathing a huge sigh of relief as they think, ‘I’m glad it’s not just me’. Just in case you aren’t keen, yes there is a fair bit of swearing, including some fantastically imaginative pairing of words that I definitely want to remember. Gill Sims keeps the tone light and bright, yet the pressure of balancing work and children can definitely be felt. I feel as though Ellen could be my friend, I could hear her voice as clearly as anything as I read. I actually could have been on the phone to Ellen, with her offloading her woes (while I tried unsuccessfully to stop snorting with laughter). I simply raced through ‘Why Mummy Swears’, it is a knockout story, great fun, full of empathy, and highly entertaining.
This is a superb observation of modern parenthood that is a total joy to read. Gill Sims has been sharing the lives of Peter and Jane through the narration of their long suffering mum via her hugely popular blog and on Facebook. Her following is massive and it’s not hard to see why. Why Mummy Drinks is absolutely, laugh-out-loud hilarious. Full of relatable content for any parent running the child-rearing-obstacle-course marathon, I spent most of the time laughing, cringing or nodding my head saying ‘Yes, yes. That’s exactly how it is!’; yet also quietly grateful that my experiences of motherhood weren’t quite as horrific as poor Ellen. Every moment from cringe worthy to heroic is perfectly executed in Gill’s narration. Mummy is indeed exhausted and Mummy does indeed drink. Told in diary format, similar to Bridget Jones’ Diary (except it starts at the beginning of the school year – as any calendar should from the moment you become a parent), it is full of humour and witty observations. Unlike Bridget’s world, Ellen is not a singleton or a smug-married, she’s a rather fabulous, ‘what the hell am I doing?’ mother, with children and a husband determined to remove any last shred of sanity in her life. Her continuous sense of hope that one day something will actually go to plan and she will achieve perfect mummy hood is endearing. Ah, but sweet reality will always step in. Absolutely fabulous in so many ways and at times rather sweary (because life can be at times), I would recommend you settle down and enjoy the ride. And I’m sure no-one would think any less of you if you enjoyed a glass of wine or two along the way.
Number One bestselling author Gill Sims is back with her eagerly awaited fourth and final Why Mummy novel. I just wanted them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. It genuinely never occurred to me when they were little that this would ever end - an eternity of Teletubbies and Duplo and In The Night Bastarding Garden and screaming, never an end in sight. But now there is. And despite the busybody old women who used to pop up whenever I was having a bad day and tell me I would miss these days when they were over, I don't miss those days at all. I have literally never stood wistfully in the supermarket and thought 'Oh, how I wish someone was trailing behind me constantly whining 'Mummy, can I have, Mummy can I have?' while another precious moppet tries to climb out the trolley so they land on their head and we end up in A&E. Again. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she's a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don't know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying 'I can't find it Mummy' is not the same as actually looking for it. Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she's doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She's feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink.
Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more f*cking 'phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me 'it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is 'just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents 'is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are 'just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All 'just phases!' When do the 'phases' end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.
Why Mommy Swears is the much anticipated new novel from Gill Sims, author of the hilarious Why Mommy Drinks and online sensation Peter and Jane. It's every parents' nightmare - the start of the school holidays - and instead of sitting in the sun, reading a book over a cold, crisp glass of Pinot Grigio, Mummy has two bored moppets to attend to. After frantically booking sports camps, child minder slots, not to mention time off work, Mummy is exhausted. But this is only the beginning... After being dragged to join the school's PTA in the new term by an annoyingly kind-spirited neighbour, Mummy is stuck with organising the Christmas Fayre and pleasing all the overly disapproving parents. In combination with getting to know her father's surprise new glamorous (and much younger) wife, and being forced to spend more time with her narcissistic mother, life isn't cutting her much of a break. What more could possibly happen?
Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more f*cking 'phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me 'it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is 'just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents 'is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are 'just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All 'just phases!' When do the 'phases' end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.
Make every day funny with the riotous journal companion to Gill Sims' smash hit Sunday Times bestseller Why Mummy Drinks. You're the proud owner of a journal called Why Mummy Drinks, so you almost certainly have no time at all for meditation, mindfulness or self-care (either the self-help sort or the euphemistic sort). This journal isn't about promising to make you a better person, or a happier one, or a thinner one or even a wiser one, because there's nothing wrong with the person you are. What it will do, is give you somewhere you can record your memories for the year. Or you can just skip straight to the drink recommendations at the end of each month. Totally up to you. Tired of the daily school drop off struggle? Needing a cold glass of pinot after parents' evening? Mummy knows exactly how you're feeling. Recount and reflect on the ups and downs, the joys and the trials of motherhood with this honest and laugh-out-loud journal companion. Featuring charming illustrations and creative prompts, as well as Mummy's hilarious reflections throughout the year, this journal is the perfect gift for Mums everywhere.
The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks. Monday, 25 July The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could've been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don't use the flipping National Trust membership - because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don't really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation's illustrious past, we instead had me shouting 'Don't touch, DON'T TOUCH, FFS DON'T TOUCH! while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads. How many more days of the holiday are there? Welcome to Mummy's world... The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips... Mummy's marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always. Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she's also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn't have to run out when the nanny calls in sick. Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing 'comfy trousers' to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T? Probably effing not.
"e;Ich will nicht stillschweigend zu einer dieser Frauen mit praktischem Haarschnitt mutieren, die nur fur ihre Kinder leben. Ich will in einem viel zu kurzen Rock in verrauchten Jazzclubs hocken und einen Whisky nach dem anderen kippen, wahrend mir ein blutjunger Bursche allerlei Anzuglichkeiten ins Ohr flustert. Ich will wieder Aufregung und Romantik und Abenteuer erleben. Ich furchte nur, Simon und die Kinder werden so einiges an meinem Plan auszusetzen haben, und ganz abgesehen davon hasse ich Jazz."e;Gill Sims' Debut war der Uberraschungserfolg in Grobritannien, wurde von der Sunday Times zum Buch des Jahres gewahlt und war das meistverkaufte englische Hardocver in 2017. Mami ist gerade 39 geworden. Mit Schrecken blickt sie einer Zukunft entgegen, in der sie standig gefragt wird, ob sie nicht auch mal zum "e;Yoga fur Fortgeschrittene"e; kommen will und wo auf Partys alle so tun, als waren sie nach einem Pinot Grigio schon beschwipst. Aber Mami hat weder Lust auf einen praktischen Haarschnitt noch darauf, nur noch fur ihre Kinder zu leben und auf dem Schulhof rumzustehen, wahrend andere Mutter von den jungsten auerlehrplanmaigen Aktivitaten ihres Nachwuchses schwadronieren oder sie mit ihrem neuesten Familienurlaub zu beeindrucken versuchen. Stattdessen greift sie bei jeder sich bietenden Gelegenheit zu einem groen Glas Wein, murmelt "e;F***, f***, f***!"e; und fragt sich, wo sie selbst bei all dem Familientrubel eigentlich bleibt. Bis sie sich auf eine geniale Idee von frher besinnt, die nur noch darauf wartet, in die Tat umgesetzt zu werdenMami braucht 'nen Drink"e; ist - genauso wie Sims' Facebook-Blog "e;Peter and Jane"e;, der inzwischen knapp 400.000 Abonnenten zhlt - eine urkomische und ehrliche Auseinandersetzung mit dem Familienleben."e;Sims ist unbestreitbar witzig, ihre Schilderungen vom Leben mit kleinen Kindern sind zum Wegschmeien. Ihr ltester Sprssling ist gerade in die Schule gekommen? Dann ist dieses Buch genau das Richtige fr Sie."e; Pool "e;Dieses zum Schreien komische Buch nimmt die Herausforderungen auf die Schippe, denen berufsttige Mtter tagtglich ausgeliefert sind."e; Hello Magazine "e;Dieses urkomische Buch nimmt kein Blatt vor den Mund. Perfekter Lesestoff fr alle Mamis!"e; The Sun "e;Mami braucht 'nen Drink wird zu recht mit Bridget Jones verglichen."e; The Sunday Post
The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks. Monday, 25 July The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could've been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don't use the flipping National Trust membership - because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don't really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation's illustrious past, we instead had me shouting 'Don't touch, DON'T TOUCH, FFS DON'T TOUCH! while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads. How many more days of the holiday are there? Welcome to Mummy's world... The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips... Mummy's marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always. Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she's also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn't have to run out when the nanny calls in sick. Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing 'comfy trousers' to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T? Probably effing not.
The smash hit Sunday Times bestseller. Tuesday 8th September First day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better - I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering 'FML' repeatedly. Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan... It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like 'Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?' But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who 'live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering 'FML' over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had...
Why Mummy Drinks is the brilliant novel from Gill Sims, the author of the online sensation Peter and Jane. It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like 'Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?'But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who 'live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering 'FML' over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had
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