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Gill Sims - Author

About the Author

Gill Sims is the author and illustrator of the hugely successful parenting blog and Facebook site `Peter and Jane'. She lives in Scotland with her husband, two children and a recalcitrant rescue Border Terrier, who rules the house. Gill's interests include drinking wine, wasting time on social media, trying and failing to recapture her lost youth and looking for the dog when he decides to go on one of his regular jaunts.

Featured books by Gill Sims

Other books by Gill Sims

Why Mommy Swears

Why Mommy Swears

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 03/09/2019

Why Mommy Swears is the much anticipated new novel from Gill Sims, author of the hilarious Why Mommy Drinks and online sensation Peter and Jane. It's every parents' nightmare - the start of the school holidays - and instead of sitting in the sun, reading a book over a cold, crisp glass of Pinot Grigio, Mummy has two bored moppets to attend to. After frantically booking sports camps, child minder slots, not to mention time off work, Mummy is exhausted. But this is only the beginning... After being dragged to join the school's PTA in the new term by an annoyingly kind-spirited neighbour, Mummy is stuck with organising the Christmas Fayre and pleasing all the overly disapproving parents. In combination with getting to know her father's surprise new glamorous (and much younger) wife, and being forced to spend more time with her narcissistic mother, life isn't cutting her much of a break. What more could possibly happen?

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 27/06/2019

Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more f*cking `phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me `it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is `just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents `is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are `just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All `just phases!' When do the `phases' end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Author: Gill Sims Format: Hardback Release Date: 17/06/2019

Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more f*cking `phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me `it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is `just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents `is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are `just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All `just phases!' When do the `phases' end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

Why Mummy Drinks: The Journal

Why Mummy Drinks: The Journal

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 28/05/2019

Make every day funny with the riotous journal companion to Gill Sims' smash hit Sunday Times bestseller Why Mommy Drinks. You're the proud owner of a journal called Why Mommy Drinks, so you almost certainly have no time at all for meditation, mindfulness or self-care (either the self-help sort or the euphemistic sort). This journal isn't about promising to make you a better person, or a happier one, or a thinner one or even a wiser one, because there's nothing wrong with the person you are. What it will do, is give you somewhere you can record your memories for the year. Or you can just skip straight to the drink recommendations at the end of each month. Totally up to you. Tired of the daily school drop off struggle? Needing a cold glass of pinot after parents' evening? Mommy knows exactly how you're feeling. Recount and reflect on the ups and downs, the joys and the trials of motherhood with this honest and laugh-out-loud companion. Featuring charming illustrations and creative prompts, as well as Mommy's hilarious reflections throughout the year, this journal is the perfect gift for Moms everywhere.

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Why Mummy Doesn't Give a ****!

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 15/04/2019

Family begins with a capital eff. I'm wondering how many more f*cking `phases' I have to endure before my children become civilised and functioning members of society? It seems like people have been telling me `it's just a phase!' for the last fifteen bloody years. Not sleeping through the night is `just a phase.' Potty training and the associated accidents `is just a phase'. The tantrums of the terrible twos are `just a phase'. The picky eating, the back chat, the obsessions. The toddler refusals to nap, the teenage inability to leave their beds before 1pm without a rocket being put up their arse. The endless singing of Frozen songs, the dabbing, the weeks where apparently making them wear pants was akin to child torture. All `just phases!' When do the `phases' end though? WHEN? Mummy dreams of a quirky rural cottage with roses around the door and chatty chickens in the garden. Life, as ever, is not going quite as she planned. Paxo, Oxo and Bisto turn out to be highly rambunctious, rather than merely chatty, and the roses have jaggy thorns. Her precious moppets are now giant teenagers, and instead of wittering at her about who would win in a fight - a dragon badger or a ninja horse - they are Snapchatting the night away, stropping around the tiny cottage and communicating mainly in grunts - except when they are demanding Ellen provides taxi services in the small hours. And there is never, but never, any milk in the house. At least the one thing they can all agree on is that rescued Barry the Wolfdog may indeed be The Ugliest Dog in the World, but he is also the loveliest.

Why Mummy Drinks: The Journal

Why Mummy Drinks: The Journal

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 18/10/2018

Make every day funny with the riotous journal companion to Gill Sims' smash hit Sunday Times bestseller Why Mummy Drinks. You're the proud owner of a journal called Why Mummy Drinks, so you almost certainly have no time at all for meditation, mindfulness or self-care (either the self-help sort or the euphemistic sort). This journal isn't about promising to make you a better person, or a happier one, or a thinner one or even a wiser one, because there's nothing wrong with the person you are. What it will do, is give you somewhere you can record your memories for the year. Or you can just skip straight to the drink recommendations at the end of each month. Totally up to you. Tired of the daily school drop off struggle? Needing a cold glass of pinot after parents' evening? Mummy knows exactly how you're feeling. Recount and reflect on the ups and downs, the joys and the trials of motherhood with this honest and laugh-out-loud journal companion. Featuring charming illustrations and creative prompts, as well as Mummy's hilarious reflections throughout the year, this journal is the perfect gift for Mums everywhere.

Mami braucht 'nen Drink

Mami braucht 'nen Drink

Author: Gill Sims Format: eBook Release Date: 10/08/2018

"e;Ich will nicht stillschweigend zu einer dieser Frauen mit praktischem Haarschnitt mutieren, die nur fur ihre Kinder leben. Ich will in einem viel zu kurzen Rock in verrauchten Jazzclubs hocken und einen Whisky nach dem anderen kippen, wahrend mir ein blutjunger Bursche allerlei Anzuglichkeiten ins Ohr flustert. Ich will wieder Aufregung und Romantik und Abenteuer erleben. Ich furchte nur, Simon und die Kinder werden so einiges an meinem Plan auszusetzen haben, und ganz abgesehen davon hasse ich Jazz."e;Gill Sims' Debut war der Uberraschungserfolg in Grobritannien, wurde von der Sunday Times zum Buch des Jahres gewahlt und war das meistverkaufte englische Hardocver in 2017. Mami ist gerade 39 geworden. Mit Schrecken blickt sie einer Zukunft entgegen, in der sie standig gefragt wird, ob sie nicht auch mal zum "e;Yoga fur Fortgeschrittene"e; kommen will und wo auf Partys alle so tun, als waren sie nach einem Pinot Grigio schon beschwipst. Aber Mami hat weder Lust auf einen praktischen Haarschnitt noch darauf, nur noch fur ihre Kinder zu leben und auf dem Schulhof rumzustehen, wahrend andere Mutter von den jungsten auerlehrplanmaigen Aktivitaten ihres Nachwuchses schwadronieren oder sie mit ihrem neuesten Familienurlaub zu beeindrucken versuchen. Stattdessen greift sie bei jeder sich bietenden Gelegenheit zu einem groen Glas Wein, murmelt "e;F***, f***, f***!"e; und fragt sich, wo sie selbst bei all dem Familientrubel eigentlich bleibt. Bis sie sich auf eine geniale Idee von frher besinnt, die nur noch darauf wartet, in die Tat umgesetzt zu werdenMami braucht 'nen Drink"e; ist - genauso wie Sims' Facebook-Blog "e;Peter and Jane"e;, der inzwischen knapp 400.000 Abonnenten zhlt - eine urkomische und ehrliche Auseinandersetzung mit dem Familienleben."e;Sims ist unbestreitbar witzig, ihre Schilderungen vom Leben mit kleinen Kindern sind zum Wegschmeien. Ihr ltester Sprssling ist gerade in die Schule gekommen? Dann ist dieses Buch genau das Richtige fr Sie."e; Pool "e;Dieses zum Schreien komische Buch nimmt die Herausforderungen auf die Schippe, denen berufsttige Mtter tagtglich ausgeliefert sind."e; Hello Magazine "e;Dieses urkomische Buch nimmt kein Blatt vor den Mund. Perfekter Lesestoff fr alle Mamis!"e; The Sun "e;Mami braucht 'nen Drink wird zu recht mit Bridget Jones verglichen."e; The Sunday Post

Why Mummy Swears

Why Mummy Swears

Author: Gill Sims Format: Hardback Release Date: 12/07/2018

The hilarious second novel, and Sunday Times No 1 Bestseller, from author of the smash hit Why Mummy Drinks. Monday, 25 July The first day of the holidays. I suppose it could've been worse. I brightly announced that perhaps it might be a lovely idea to go to a stately home and learn about some history. As soon as we got there I remembered why I don't use the flipping National Trust membership - because National Trust properties are full of very precious and breakable items, and very precious and breakable items don't really mix with children, especially not small boys. Where I had envisaged childish faces glowing with wonder as they took in the treasures of our nation's illustrious past, we instead had me shouting `Don't touch, DON'T TOUCH, FFS DON'T TOUCH! while stoutly shod pensioners tutted disapprovingly and drafted angry letters to the Daily Mail in their heads. How many more days of the holiday are there? Welcome to Mummy's world... The Boy Child Peter is connected to his iPad by an umbilical cord, The Girl Child Jane is desperate to make her fortune as an Instagram lifestyle influencer, while Daddy is constantly off on exotic business trips... Mummy's marriage is feeling the strain, her kids are running wild and the house is steadily developing a forest of mould. Only Judgy, the Proud and Noble Terrier, remains loyal as always. Mummy has also found herself a new challenge, working for a hot new tech start-up. But not only is she worrying if, at forty-two, she could actually get up off a bean bag with dignity, she's also somehow (accidentally) rebranded herself as a single party girl who works hard, plays hard and doesn't have to run out when the nanny calls in sick. Can Mummy keep up the facade while keeping her family afloat? Can she really get away with wearing `comfy trousers' to work? And, more importantly, can she find the time to pour herself a large G+T? Probably effing not.

Why Mummy Drinks

Why Mummy Drinks

Author: Gill Sims Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 31/05/2018

The smash hit Sunday Times bestseller. Tuesday 8th September First day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better - I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering `FML' repeatedly. Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan... It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like `Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?' But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who `live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering `FML' over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had...

Why Mommy Drinks

Why Mommy Drinks

Author: Gill Sims Format: Hardback Release Date: 13/03/2018

Why Mommy Drinks is the brilliant novel from Gill Sims, the author of the online sensation Peter and Jane. Boy Child Peter, Girl Child Jane and Daddy have exciting adventures with Mommy. Daddy likes gadgets. Peter and Jane like starting fires, trying to kill each other and driving Mommy to drink. Written from the point of view of an exhausted mommy at the end of the day, it's honest, it's funny, and it's a little bit sweary. It is Mommy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel at a future of people asking if she wants to come to their yoga class, and book clubs, where everyone is wearing statement scarves and they are all `tiddly' after a glass of Pinot Grigio. But Mommy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who `live for their children', boasting about Boy Child and Girl Child's achievements. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering FML over and over, and then remembers the gem of an idea she's had...

Why Mummy Drinks

Why Mummy Drinks

Author: Gill Sims Format: eBook Release Date: 19/10/2017

Why Mummy Drinks is the brilliant novel from Gill Sims, the author of the online sensation Peter and Jane. It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like 'Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?'But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who 'live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays. Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering 'FML' over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had

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