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Bruno Vincent - Author

About the Author

Bruno Vincent is a bestselling author, with a number of humour titles to his name including Do Ants Have Arseholes? which was a Sunday Times bestseller, with 147,000 sales through bookscan in 3 months. The follow-up, Do Bats Have Bollocks?, was also a Sunday Times bestseller.

Featured books by Bruno Vincent

Five Forget Mother's Day

Five Forget Mother's Day

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 23/02/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Aunt Fanny how much she means to them.

Five Give Up the Booze

Five Give Up the Booze

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 17/11/2016

Give up alcohol you say? Why, of course they can! Talk about an easy challenge! Five old friends set about this simple task and find all of a sudden that: the days are longer; they get to see each other for who they really are; the empty laughter of ordinary conversation is so much harder to fake. Yes, they're saving money and losing weight, but the world itself seems to take on a slow, dreary inevitability. Soon they begin to snap at each other, and then fight - until they begin to wonder, have the Five at last found the challenge that will defeat them?

Five on Brexit Island

Five on Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 03/11/2016

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit? It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature...Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat. Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...

Other books by Bruno Vincent

Five Go Bump in the Night

Five Go Bump in the Night

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 23/04/2021

] A howl drifted up from nearby woodland and everyone shifted closer together. 'How about a ghost story,' suggested George. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! It's a dark winter's night and the Five are scaring themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .

So you want to be a Ninja?

So you want to be a Ninja?

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 18/06/2020

This humorous and handy guide contains all the information aspiring ninjas need to know. With padded ninja shoes underfoot and ninja stars around their belts, our plucky newbie ninjas Kate, Eddie and Angus travel back in time to 1789 Japan to enrol in the Iga School of Ninjutsu. Under the guidance of the Grand Master, they learn the ninjutsu craft from two of Japan's stealthiest ninjas - Hanzo, the ninja of many disguises (some convincing, some not so much...) and Chiyojo, a kunoichi (female ninja) who is so clandestine that they're not entirely sure whether she actually exists. Finally, at their fingertips are the tightly guarded secrets of ninjutsu! Inspired by the book Ninja, written by Japanese history scholar Stephen Turnbull and based on an original ninjutsu training manual, So you want to be a ninja? is illustrated throughout with zany illustrations by Japanese cartoonist Takayo Akiyama, bringing the craft of being a ninja to life in hilarious and entertaining detail.

Five Go Absolutely Nowhere

Five Go Absolutely Nowhere

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 11/06/2020

'Ah! This is the dream!' says Julian one morning. 'With good old British common sense and community spirit like this, there's no reason that we couldn't exist on the island like this for the rest of our days!' What could possibly go wrong . . .? Anne has gathered Julian, Dick, George and, of course, Timmy, together for a last nostalgic jaunt in the countryside together before grown-up responsibilities take the four cousins off in different directions. It's only natural that they find their way onto Kirrin Island for a look around, as this might be the last time they're here together as a group. They are planning just to spend the night there and come home the next day, perhaps with a little exploring in the dungeon for old time's sake. But that night they hear the country has gone into lockdown. They are not allowed to leave. With their usual resourcefulness, they are determined to make the best of it, and remain cheerful and healthy. As Anne keeps saying: They're lucky, really, to have all this countryside and fresh air at their disposal!

Fairy Tales for Millennials

Fairy Tales for Millennials

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 03/10/2019

Welcome to the world of Fairy Tales, Millennial style... Inside you'll find Sleeping Beauty waking up Woke, the Nanny Goats Gruff getting trolled, and three little pigs explaining that - realistically - a house of straw is really the only way a first time buyer can get on the property ladder. Goldilocks discovers a darling little Porridge pop-up, the Pied Piper shifts his content strategy to attract more followers, and Hansel and Gretel meet a witch with a disruptive approach to clean eating.

Five Get Gran Online

Five Get Gran Online

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 05/10/2017

'What operating system does your PC run on?' 'Electricity,' said Gran. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! The Five go north to see their grandmother who is alone over the Easter weekend. They're shocked to find it's been so long that they don't recognise her at all. While they're there, they try to help her with her computer. They try first to fix her iTunes account, and then her internet banking - after all it's the least they can do! However everything they touch turns to dust. They end up getting her cut off from the internet, the gas and the electricity, and reduced to a World War II-style privations - that is until the toddler from next door comes in and fixes everything. They return home somewhat with their tails between their legs, only to discover that with their help Gran has learned to make videos, and has become an internet sensation.

Five Get On the Property Ladder

Five Get On the Property Ladder

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 05/10/2017

Five Escape Brexit Island

Five Escape Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 05/10/2017

'Escape first, talk about politics later!' said George. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! It's a year after the Brexit vote. The four housemates and Timmy are on a visit to see their evil genius cousin Rupert. Rupert owns a chunk of the Jurassic Coast, part of which he has turned into an island and declared independence from Britain. Its fifteenth-century Dorset castle is a tourist attraction, but a computer hack puts the ancient fortifications into lockdown and plunges the Five into peril. Can our intrepid friends escape to the safety of mainland Europe?

Five at the Office Christmas Party

Five at the Office Christmas Party

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 05/10/2017

Everyone tensed and leaned forward, wondering who this new arrival could be. A stripper? Surely not. A music act? Please no.' From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! The Five set out to give the best office Christmas party ever, in the most traditional of fashions. But on no budget at all. Will they succeed, and make everyone happy? Or will all the emergency services be called before the night is out?

Five Get Beach Body Ready

Five Get Beach Body Ready

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 04/07/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to hone their physiques ready for the summer holidays. All it will take is a bit of effort and willpower . . . and pulling together as a team. What could possibly stand in their way? True to form, the path to the body beautiful is less straightforward than they hope!

Five on Brexit Island

Five on Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit? It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature... Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat. Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...

Five Go Gluten Free

Five Go Gluten Free

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea? Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . . Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

Five Give Up the Booze

Five Give Up the Booze

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: give up the booze. Give up alcohol you say? Why, of course they can! Talk about an easy challenge! Five old friends set about this simple task and find all of a sudden that: the days are longer; they get to see each other for who they really are; the empty laughter of ordinary conversation is so much harder to fake. Yes, they're saving money and losing weight, but the world itself seems to take on a slow, dreary inevitability. Soon they begin to snap at each other, and then fight - until they begin to wonder, have the Five at last found the challenge that will defeat them? The perfect gift for anyone who has woken up and promised themselves that they will never drink again. Or at least until next weekend.

Five Go On A Strategy Away Day

Five Go On A Strategy Away Day

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: what exactly is this puzzling scrape referred to as a 'strategy away day'? The Five have gone on their greatest adventure yet - to become an even better team! They are booked into an exciting hotel right next to the jolly motorway services, where the nice (if somewhat nervous and sweating and depressed) man teaches them a number of exercises that will make them work better. But wait! Who's been sneaking messages through the hotel dumb waiter about secret assignations? Is there a smuggler's plot afoot? Or is Shelly from Production shagging Postroom Luke? All will be revealed . . . Ideal for those who are allergic to corporate jargon and will throw a sickie before having to play a trust game with colleagues.

Five Lose Dad in the Garden Centre

Five Lose Dad in the Garden Centre

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Uncle Quentin what a jolly good chap he is. Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they celebrate Father's Day by taking Uncle Quentin to the local garden centre to chose a new garden shed in which to conduct his experiments. But what promised to be a relaxed outing turns into a nightmare when Quentin disappears into thin air. He surely cannot have gone far . . .

Five Go Parenting

Five Go Parenting

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: CD-Audio Release Date: 18/05/2017

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?

Five Go Gluten Free

Five Go Gluten Free

Author: Bruno Vincent Format: Hardback Release Date: 03/11/2016

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea? Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . . Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.

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