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Robert Rankin - Author

About the Author

Robert Rankin is an unrepentant Luddite who writes his bestselling novels by hand in exercise books. He is the author of THE HOLLOW CHOCLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE, THE WITCHES OF CHISWICK, The Brentford Trilogy (5 books), The Armageddon Quartet (3 books) and many more.
 

Featured books by Robert Rankin

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 10/07/2014

Robert Rankin, the master of far-fetched fiction, presents, for the first time, a book written in 'the first monkey'. Sure to be taken up as the newest of literary fads, Darwin, the Educated Ape here tells his life story to his legions of fans. Featuring: Chickens! Martians! Doodlebugs! The Far Future! The Distant Past! Sherlock Holmes! Winston Churchill! Dynamite! More Monkeys than you can shake a stick at! Barmen! Pubs! The End of the World and more!

ebook of the month
The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 12/07/2012

Robert Rankin is one of the great British eccentrics, standing alongside Viv Stanshall, Spike Milligan and Neil Innes, amongst others. 'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how very good he is at playing with the rules', says the MIRROR, while THE DAILY EXPRESS says: 'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life' - and it's right. THE INDEPENDENT maintains: 'He is an author best read in large doses.   His impressively individual style means that he becomes funnier the more you read him', THE OBSERVER admires ' the stark raving genius of Rankin ...the plot comes together with alarming and deformed brilliance' and the MAIL ON SUNDAY claims 'Rankin does for England what Spike Milligan does for Ireland. There can be no higher praise'. MAXIM calls him 'Fiendishly clever and joyously funny ...a brilliant imagination', and SFX think he's 'Oscar Wilde meets Kurt Vonnegut in the genetics lab of classic fantasy humour'.   The newest opus from the Master of Far Fetched Fiction will enhance his reputation even further: it's time to stop Rankin being a hidden gem and make him the National Treasure his fans already believe him to be.

ebook of the month

Other books by Robert Rankin

They Came And Ate Us Armageddon II: The B-Movie

They Came And Ate Us Armageddon II: The B-Movie

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/03/2018

QUIVER AT! Horrible demonic stuff oozing out of computer screens! SHOCK HORROR! Elvis Presley pulling his face off! GASP AT! a talking brussels sprout! SEE! Cannibals on the rampage! HEAR! Fido the Dog do Frankie Howerd impressions! SEE! Rex Mundi, Rambo Bloodaxe, Deathblade Eric, Hugo Rune and a cast of millions caught up in Events Beyond Their Control! THRILL TO! all the loose ends from Armageddon the Musical magically tied up! WATCH! A comic genius doing the business! SEE?

East Of Ealing

East Of Ealing

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 24/11/2017

'Ahead, where once had been only bombsite land, the Lateinos and Romiith building rose above Brentford. Within its cruel and jagged shadow, magnolias wilted in their window boxes and synthetic Gold Top became doorstep cheese...' Something sinister is happening east of Ealing. The prophecies of The Book of Revelation are being fulfilled. Lateinos & Romiith, a vast financial network, is changing all the rules with a plan to bar-code every living punter and dispense with old-fashioned money. A diabolical scheme, which would not only end civilisation as we know it, but seriously interfere with drinking habits at the Flying Swan. Can Armageddon, Apocalypse and other inconveniences of the modern age be stopped by the humble likes of Pooley and Omally, even with the help of Professor Slocombe and the time-warped Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street...?

The Book Of Ultimate Truths

The Book Of Ultimate Truths

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 29/06/2017

He had walked the earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert & Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down in tears. He died, penniless, at a Hastings boarding house, in his ninetieth year. His name was Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, and he was never bored. Hailed as the 'guru's guru', Rune penned more than eight million words of genius including his greatest work, The Book of Ultimate Truths. But vital chapters of The Book were suppressed, chapters which could have changed the whole course of human history. Now, seventeen-year-old Cornelius Murphy, together with his best friend Tuppe, sets out on an epic quest. Their mission - recover the missing chapters. Re-publish The Book of Ultimate Truths. And save the world.

Eon Legacy- Players and Game Masters

Eon Legacy- Players and Game Masters

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 09/10/2016

Eon Legacy, A Role Playing Game, with simple and powerful systems that give both the Storyteller and Game Masters full control of the universe with simple guidelines and templates and the players full control of their characters. Contained in this book are the Basics to Character Creation (Including Original Character Races, A Template for Custom Character Races, Original Classes, and all the standard gear one needs to play the game), Various systems for Combat and Interaction, Basics to designing entire worlds and Non Player Characters, Standards for Vehicles, Power Frames, Guides for structure and adventure, and a Slew of samples to use. Limitless action and adventure all at your fingertips! Art and even a simple D10 system have been added for those who like to roll!

A Dog Called Demolition

A Dog Called Demolition

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/10/2015

DANNY: PORTRAIT OF A SURREAL KILLER Danny's not sad and lonely any more because Danny's got 'the voices'. Well, one voice. It's the voice of his dog. Not that it's a real dog, Danny's mother would never let him have a real dog, so Danny made up one for himself. And a fine big dog it is too, with a waggy tail and a nice cold nose. Danny was going to call it Princey, but the dog told him its name was Demolition. So that's what Danny calls it. And the dog's told him other things too. Like how to adjust the bar-code reader in the shop where Danny works so that he can read the lines on people's palms and Danny can see what they're thinking. And which small ads in the comic books to send off to, so Danny can become irresistible to women, bend others to his will, gain vital inches and fear no man living. No, Danny's not sad and lonely any more. Danny's barking mad. Robert Rankin has been described variously as 'Funnier than Aleister Crowley, more dangerous than P.G. Wodehouse' (Cardinal Cox, EP Magazine), 'The drinking man's H.G. Wells' (Midweek) and 'An irregular genius' (David Profumo, The Daily Telegraph). His 13th novel is a nightmare journey to hell and back (with only a brief stop at a Happy Eater to use the toilet). Where Natural Born Killers and Silence of the Lambs merely dipped their toes in terror's icy water, Rankin boldly takes his lurex sock off and really puts his foot in it.

Copyrighting and Publishing Made Simple

Copyrighting and Publishing Made Simple

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 27/07/2015

In a world of constantly changing media trends and unending original content springing forth from the brilliant minds of millions there is but one way to defend one's work in coaxial age (A copyright). This small and potent book will set you on the path to that defense. Know it is dangerous to go alone but you will have THIS! Here are the basics to get your work protected and marketable. The author has compiled his experience from over ten years of publishing and condensed into a neat little book for anyone to start on the path of copyrights and publishing. Contained within: ~What kind of proofs and copies you should have before getting your work read to submit. ~How to get your work ready for submitting to get a copyright. ~Where to send the works you want to copyright (USA, Canada, UK, and Australia). ~Some basics on your rights. ~The most common E-Publishers. ~A brief on Trademarks and Patents.

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 10/07/2014

Robert Rankin, the master of far-fetched fiction, presents, for the first time, a book written in 'the first monkey'. Sure to be taken up as the newest of literary fads, Darwin, the Educated Ape here tells his life story to his legions of fans. Featuring: Chickens! Martians! Doodlebugs! The Far Future! The Distant Past! Sherlock Holmes! Winston Churchill! Dynamite! More Monkeys than you can shake a stick at! Barmen! Pubs! The End of the World and more!

ebook of the month
The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds A Novel

The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 11/07/2013

An epic in four movements, this is the third book in Robert Rankin's highly acclaimed meta-Victorian series. Comparable to Pratchett or Douglas Adams, the Father of Far Fetched Fiction has pulled out all of the stops with this riotous tale of wicked women, a dangerous detective and Darwin the educated ape. Lord Brentford has a dream. To create a Grand Exposition that will showcase The Wonders of the Worlds and encourage peace between the inhabited planets of Venus, Jupiter and Earth. Ernest Rutherford has a dream. To construct a time ship, powered by the large hadron collider he has built beneath the streets of London. Cameron Bell is England's greatest detective and he, too, has a dream. To solve the crime of the century before it takes place, without blowing up any more of London's landmarks. Darwin is a monkey butler and he also has a dream. To end Man's inhumanity to Monkey and bring a little joy into the world. Lavinia Dharkstorrm has a dream of her own. Although hers is more of a nightmare. To erase Man and Monkey alike from the face of the Earth and to hasten in the End of Days. Then there is the crime-fighting superlady, all those chickens from the past and the unwelcome arrival of The Antichrist. Things are looking rather grim on planet Earth.

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 12/07/2012

Robert Rankin is one of the great British eccentrics, standing alongside Viv Stanshall, Spike Milligan and Neil Innes, amongst others. 'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how very good he is at playing with the rules', says the MIRROR, while THE DAILY EXPRESS says: 'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life' - and it's right. THE INDEPENDENT maintains: 'He is an author best read in large doses.   His impressively individual style means that he becomes funnier the more you read him', THE OBSERVER admires ' the stark raving genius of Rankin ...the plot comes together with alarming and deformed brilliance' and the MAIL ON SUNDAY claims 'Rankin does for England what Spike Milligan does for Ireland. There can be no higher praise'. MAXIM calls him 'Fiendishly clever and joyously funny ...a brilliant imagination', and SFX think he's 'Oscar Wilde meets Kurt Vonnegut in the genetics lab of classic fantasy humour'.   The newest opus from the Master of Far Fetched Fiction will enhance his reputation even further: it's time to stop Rankin being a hidden gem and make him the National Treasure his fans already believe him to be.

ebook of the month
Gollancz eBook Collection (eBook)

Gollancz eBook Collection (eBook)

Author: Robert Rankin Format: eBook Release Date: 20/10/2011

Contains eight fantastic novels: THE HOLLOW CHOCOLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE, THE WITCHES OF CHISWICK, KNEES UP MOTHER EARTH, THE BRIGHINOMICON, THE TOYMINATOR, THE DA-DA-DE-DA-DA CODE, NECROPHENIA and RETROMANCER

Web Site Story

Web Site Story

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 26/04/2011

They wrote it off as a scare story. The Millennium Bug, the non-event of the twentieth century. But they were wrong, because the Bug was real. Is real. It's a computer virus and it's about to make the deadly species cross-over, from machine to mankind. The Black Death was spread by rats. But this plague will be spread by a mouse. The computer mouse. And do you know how many different kinds of computer viruses there are? And just what they do? And just what they might do to you if you become infected? No? Then read this book and learn the terrible truth. Or perhaps you'd rather take a holiday in Brentfordland (R)? Formerly known as Brentford, this Thamesside Shangri La is now London's first ever suburban theme park and holiday village. A world of excitement, relaxation and fabulous fun, waiting just for you. To find out more, log on to the Brentfordland (R) web site. Just give your computer mouse a wiggle. Go on. What harm can it do?

The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 08/07/2010

A hilarious comic fantasy from the bestselling cult creator of the Brentford Triangle Trilogy Once upon a time Jack set out to find his fortune in the big city. But the big city is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn't all that jolly any more. And there is a serial killer loose on the streets. The old, rich nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one by one and the Toy City police are getting nowhere in their investigations. Meanwhile, Private Eye Bill Winkie has gone missing, leaving behind his sidekick Eddie Bear to take care of things. Eddie may be a battered teddy with an identity crisis, but someone's got to stop the killer. When he teams up with Jack, the two are ready for the challenge. Not to mention the heavy drinking, bad behaviour, car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness along the way. It's going to be an epic adventure!

Retromancer

Retromancer

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 08/07/2010

There is big and evil magic abroad upon the face of the Earth. History has been changed. The Germans have won WWII. America is a nuclear wasteland. And worst of all, the breakfast menu at The Wife's Legs Cafe in Brentford is serving Bratwurst rather than the proper big boys' British banger. Something is Not Right. And when the world's all wrong and it needs setting right, who're you gonna call? Hugo Rune, that's who. A man who offers the world his genius, and asks only, in return, that the world cover his expenses. And so, with the aid of his faithful acolyte and companion Rizla, the guru's guru, also known as the hokus bloke, the Lad Himself and the Retromancer*, sets out to rewrite history the way it should be. Together they return to war-torn London, to solve the twelve cosmic conundra based on Hugo Rune's personal tarot deck, each one leading them closer to a final terrifying confrontation. They must match their wits against beautiful spies, advanced alien technology, killer robots and death rays, do battle with an ancient god, and come face to face once more with Hugo Rune's arch-enemy, the sinister Count Otto Black, all the while finding time to drink ale, talk the toot and dine out in some of London's swankiest eateries. Without ever paying the bill.