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Robert Rankin - Author

About the Author

Robert Rankin is an unrepentant Luddite who writes his bestselling novels by hand in exercise books. He is the author of THE HOLLOW CHOCLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE, THE WITCHES OF CHISWICK, The Brentford Trilogy (5 books), The Armageddon Quartet (3 books) and many more.
 

Featured books by Robert Rankin

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 10/07/2014

Robert Rankin, the master of far-fetched fiction, presents, for the first time, a book written in 'the first monkey'. Sure to be taken up as the newest of literary fads, Darwin, the Educated Ape here tells his life story to his legions of fans. Featuring: Chickens! Martians! Doodlebugs! The Far Future! The Distant Past! Sherlock Holmes! Winston Churchill! Dynamite! More Monkeys than you can shake a stick at! Barmen! Pubs! The End of the World and more!

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 12/07/2012

Robert Rankin is one of the great British eccentrics, standing alongside Viv Stanshall, Spike Milligan and Neil Innes, amongst others. 'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how very good he is at playing with the rules', says the MIRROR, while THE DAILY EXPRESS says: 'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life' - and it's right. THE INDEPENDENT maintains: 'He is an author best read in large doses.   His impressively individual style means that he becomes funnier the more you read him', THE OBSERVER admires ' the stark raving genius of Rankin ...the plot comes together with alarming and deformed brilliance' and the MAIL ON SUNDAY claims 'Rankin does for England what Spike Milligan does for Ireland. There can be no higher praise'. MAXIM calls him 'Fiendishly clever and joyously funny ...a brilliant imagination', and SFX think he's 'Oscar Wilde meets Kurt Vonnegut in the genetics lab of classic fantasy humour'.   The newest opus from the Master of Far Fetched Fiction will enhance his reputation even further: it's time to stop Rankin being a hidden gem and make him the National Treasure his fans already believe him to be.

Other books by Robert Rankin

They Came And Ate Us Armageddon II: The B-Movie

They Came And Ate Us Armageddon II: The B-Movie

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/03/2018

QUIVER AT! Horrible demonic stuff oozing out of computer screens! SHOCK HORROR! Elvis Presley pulling his face off! GASP AT! a talking brussels sprout! SEE! Cannibals on the rampage! HEAR! Fido the Dog do Frankie Howerd impressions! SEE! Rex Mundi, Rambo Bloodaxe, Deathblade Eric, Hugo Rune and a cast of millions caught up in Events Beyond Their Control! THRILL TO! all the loose ends from Armageddon the Musical magically tied up! WATCH! A comic genius doing the business! SEE?

East Of Ealing

East Of Ealing

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 24/11/2017

'Ahead, where once had been only bombsite land, the Lateinos and Romiith building rose above Brentford. Within its cruel and jagged shadow, magnolias wilted in their window boxes and synthetic Gold Top became doorstep cheese...' Something sinister is happening east of Ealing. The prophecies of The Book of Revelation are being fulfilled. Lateinos & Romiith, a vast financial network, is changing all the rules with a plan to bar-code every living punter and dispense with old-fashioned money. A diabolical scheme, which would not only end civilisation as we know it, but seriously interfere with drinking habits at the Flying Swan. Can Armageddon, Apocalypse and other inconveniences of the modern age be stopped by the humble likes of Pooley and Omally, even with the help of Professor Slocombe and the time-warped Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street...?

The Book Of Ultimate Truths

The Book Of Ultimate Truths

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 29/06/2017

He had walked the earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert & Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down in tears. He died, penniless, at a Hastings boarding house, in his ninetieth year. His name was Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, and he was never bored. Hailed as the 'guru's guru', Rune penned more than eight million words of genius including his greatest work, The Book of Ultimate Truths. But vital chapters of The Book were suppressed, chapters which could have changed the whole course of human history. Now, seventeen-year-old Cornelius Murphy, together with his best friend Tuppe, sets out on an epic quest. Their mission - recover the missing chapters. Re-publish The Book of Ultimate Truths. And save the world.

Eon Legacy- Players and Game Masters

Eon Legacy- Players and Game Masters

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 09/10/2016

Eon Legacy, A Role Playing Game, with simple and powerful systems that give both the Storyteller and Game Masters full control of the universe with simple guidelines and templates and the players full control of their characters. Contained in this book are the Basics to Character Creation (Including Original Character Races, A Template for Custom Character Races, Original Classes, and all the standard gear one needs to play the game), Various systems for Combat and Interaction, Basics to designing entire worlds and Non Player Characters, Standards for Vehicles, Power Frames, Guides for structure and adventure, and a Slew of samples to use. Limitless action and adventure all at your fingertips! Art and even a simple D10 system have been added for those who like to roll!

A Dog Called Demolition

A Dog Called Demolition

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/10/2015

DANNY: PORTRAIT OF A SURREAL KILLER Danny's not sad and lonely any more because Danny's got 'the voices'. Well, one voice. It's the voice of his dog. Not that it's a real dog, Danny's mother would never let him have a real dog, so Danny made up one for himself. And a fine big dog it is too, with a waggy tail and a nice cold nose. Danny was going to call it Princey, but the dog told him its name was Demolition. So that's what Danny calls it. And the dog's told him other things too. Like how to adjust the bar-code reader in the shop where Danny works so that he can read the lines on people's palms and Danny can see what they're thinking. And which small ads in the comic books to send off to, so Danny can become irresistible to women, bend others to his will, gain vital inches and fear no man living. No, Danny's not sad and lonely any more. Danny's barking mad. Robert Rankin has been described variously as 'Funnier than Aleister Crowley, more dangerous than P.G. Wodehouse' (Cardinal Cox, EP Magazine), 'The drinking man's H.G. Wells' (Midweek) and 'An irregular genius' (David Profumo, The Daily Telegraph). His 13th novel is a nightmare journey to hell and back (with only a brief stop at a Happy Eater to use the toilet). Where Natural Born Killers and Silence of the Lambs merely dipped their toes in terror's icy water, Rankin boldly takes his lurex sock off and really puts his foot in it.

Copyrighting and Publishing Made Simple

Copyrighting and Publishing Made Simple

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 27/07/2015

In a world of constantly changing media trends and unending original content springing forth from the brilliant minds of millions there is but one way to defend one's work in coaxial age (A copyright). This small and potent book will set you on the path to that defense. Know it is dangerous to go alone but you will have THIS! Here are the basics to get your work protected and marketable. The author has compiled his experience from over ten years of publishing and condensed into a neat little book for anyone to start on the path of copyrights and publishing. Contained within: ~What kind of proofs and copies you should have before getting your work read to submit. ~How to get your work ready for submitting to get a copyright. ~Where to send the works you want to copyright (USA, Canada, UK, and Australia). ~Some basics on your rights. ~The most common E-Publishers. ~A brief on Trademarks and Patents.

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

The Chickens of Atlantis and Other Foul and Filthy Fiends

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 10/07/2014

Robert Rankin, the master of far-fetched fiction, presents, for the first time, a book written in 'the first monkey'. Sure to be taken up as the newest of literary fads, Darwin, the Educated Ape here tells his life story to his legions of fans. Featuring: Chickens! Martians! Doodlebugs! The Far Future! The Distant Past! Sherlock Holmes! Winston Churchill! Dynamite! More Monkeys than you can shake a stick at! Barmen! Pubs! The End of the World and more!

The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds A Novel

The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 11/07/2013

An epic in four movements, this is the third book in Robert Rankin's highly acclaimed meta-Victorian series. Comparable to Pratchett or Douglas Adams, the Father of Far Fetched Fiction has pulled out all of the stops with this riotous tale of wicked women, a dangerous detective and Darwin the educated ape. Lord Brentford has a dream. To create a Grand Exposition that will showcase The Wonders of the Worlds and encourage peace between the inhabited planets of Venus, Jupiter and Earth. Ernest Rutherford has a dream. To construct a time ship, powered by the large hadron collider he has built beneath the streets of London. Cameron Bell is England's greatest detective and he, too, has a dream. To solve the crime of the century before it takes place, without blowing up any more of London's landmarks. Darwin is a monkey butler and he also has a dream. To end Man's inhumanity to Monkey and bring a little joy into the world. Lavinia Dharkstorrm has a dream of her own. Although hers is more of a nightmare. To erase Man and Monkey alike from the face of the Earth and to hasten in the End of Days. Then there is the crime-fighting superlady, all those chickens from the past and the unwelcome arrival of The Antichrist. Things are looking rather grim on planet Earth.

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age A Novel

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback Release Date: 12/07/2012

Robert Rankin is one of the great British eccentrics, standing alongside Viv Stanshall, Spike Milligan and Neil Innes, amongst others. 'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how very good he is at playing with the rules', says the MIRROR, while THE DAILY EXPRESS says: 'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life' - and it's right. THE INDEPENDENT maintains: 'He is an author best read in large doses.   His impressively individual style means that he becomes funnier the more you read him', THE OBSERVER admires ' the stark raving genius of Rankin ...the plot comes together with alarming and deformed brilliance' and the MAIL ON SUNDAY claims 'Rankin does for England what Spike Milligan does for Ireland. There can be no higher praise'. MAXIM calls him 'Fiendishly clever and joyously funny ...a brilliant imagination', and SFX think he's 'Oscar Wilde meets Kurt Vonnegut in the genetics lab of classic fantasy humour'.   The newest opus from the Master of Far Fetched Fiction will enhance his reputation even further: it's time to stop Rankin being a hidden gem and make him the National Treasure his fans already believe him to be.

Gollancz eBook Collection (eBook)

Gollancz eBook Collection (eBook)

Author: Robert Rankin Format: eBook Release Date: 20/10/2011

Contains eight fantastic novels: THE HOLLOW CHOCOLATE BUNNIES OF THE APOCALYPSE, THE WITCHES OF CHISWICK, KNEES UP MOTHER EARTH, THE BRIGHINOMICON, THE TOYMINATOR, THE DA-DA-DE-DA-DA CODE, NECROPHENIA and RETROMANCER

Web Site Story

Web Site Story

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 26/04/2011

They wrote it off as a scare story. The Millennium Bug, the non-event of the twentieth century. But they were wrong, because the Bug was real. Is real. It's a computer virus and it's about to make the deadly species cross-over, from machine to mankind. The Black Death was spread by rats. But this plague will be spread by a mouse. The computer mouse. And do you know how many different kinds of computer viruses there are? And just what they do? And just what they might do to you if you become infected? No? Then read this book and learn the terrible truth. Or perhaps you'd rather take a holiday in Brentfordland (R)? Formerly known as Brentford, this Thamesside Shangri La is now London's first ever suburban theme park and holiday village. A world of excitement, relaxation and fabulous fun, waiting just for you. To find out more, log on to the Brentfordland (R) web site. Just give your computer mouse a wiggle. Go on. What harm can it do?

The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 08/07/2010

A hilarious comic fantasy from the bestselling cult creator of the Brentford Triangle Trilogy Once upon a time Jack set out to find his fortune in the big city. But the big city is Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town, and it has grown considerably since the good old days and isn't all that jolly any more. And there is a serial killer loose on the streets. The old, rich nursery rhyme characters are being slaughtered one by one and the Toy City police are getting nowhere in their investigations. Meanwhile, Private Eye Bill Winkie has gone missing, leaving behind his sidekick Eddie Bear to take care of things. Eddie may be a battered teddy with an identity crisis, but someone's got to stop the killer. When he teams up with Jack, the two are ready for the challenge. Not to mention the heavy drinking, bad behaviour, car chases, gratuitous sex and violence, toy fetishism and all-round grossness along the way. It's going to be an epic adventure!

Retromancer

Retromancer

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 08/07/2010

There is big and evil magic abroad upon the face of the Earth. History has been changed. The Germans have won WWII. America is a nuclear wasteland. And worst of all, the breakfast menu at The Wife's Legs Cafe in Brentford is serving Bratwurst rather than the proper big boys' British banger. Something is Not Right. And when the world's all wrong and it needs setting right, who're you gonna call? Hugo Rune, that's who. A man who offers the world his genius, and asks only, in return, that the world cover his expenses. And so, with the aid of his faithful acolyte and companion Rizla, the guru's guru, also known as the hokus bloke, the Lad Himself and the Retromancer*, sets out to rewrite history the way it should be. Together they return to war-torn London, to solve the twelve cosmic conundra based on Hugo Rune's personal tarot deck, each one leading them closer to a final terrifying confrontation. They must match their wits against beautiful spies, advanced alien technology, killer robots and death rays, do battle with an ancient god, and come face to face once more with Hugo Rune's arch-enemy, the sinister Count Otto Black, all the while finding time to drink ale, talk the toot and dine out in some of London's swankiest eateries. Without ever paying the bill.

The Toyminator

The Toyminator

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 04/02/2010

Somewhere over the rainbow and just off the Yellow Brick Road stands Toy City, formerly known as Toy Town. And things are not going well for the city's inhabitants. There have been outbreaks of STC - Spontaneous Toy Combustion - and there are strange signs and portents in the Heavens. Preachers of Toy City's many religions are predicting that the End Times are approaching and that a Toy City Apocalypse will soon come to pass. But can this possibly be true, or is there a simple explanation - an alien invasion, for instance. With the body count rising and the forces of law and order baffled, it is the time for a hero to step forward and attempt to save the day. Well, two heroes actually, Eddie Bear, Toy City Private Eye and his loyal sidekick, Jack: our courageous twosome are about to face their biggest challenge yet, to save not only toykind, but the world of mankind too. Which should keep them out of the pub for a while.

Snuff Fiction

Snuff Fiction

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 02/11/2009

We read him for his exuberant salmagundi of old jokes, myths, urban and otherwise, catchphrases, liberatingly crazy ideas, running gags, recurring characters and locations, unreliable authobiographical anecdotes, and not forgetting the now legendary 'load of old toot'. He becomes funnier the more you read him' Mat Coward, Independent on The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag Society's plug is about to be pulled, big time. At the stroke of midnight on 31 December 1999, computer systems all over the world will crash and plunge us into chaos. But so what if it's the downfall of civilization? These things happen. We'll just have to take it on the chin. Or at least up the nose. Because rejoice and give thanks, snuff is making a comeback. And who do we thank for this? Who is the man who brings joy to the nostrils of the nation? The tender blender with the blinder grinder? The master blaster with the louder powder? The geezer with the sneezer that's a real crowd pleaser? Mr Doveston, that's who, and this is his story. So forget about impending doom and enter the glamorous world of snuff-snorting. Oh, and don't forget to bring a hanky. Things could get a little messy later. Robert Rankin's novel gleefully chronicles the collapse of civilisation, as the world slides into chaos with a smile on its face and a finger up its nose. Prophetic vision of an imminent dystopia? Or just the rabid ranting of a snuff-crazed technophobe?

Necrophenia

Necrophenia

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 27/07/2009

ONE IN EVERY THREE PEOPLE LIVING IS ACTUALLY DEAD! It is a matter of historical record that during the latter part of World War II, England's top-secret Ministry of Serendipity enlisted the services of arch-magician Aleister Crowley to create a Homunculus. Why? Well that's a long story, spanning almost seven decades as it follows the life and career of Tyler, rock star, private eye - and notable for the fact that he almost saved Mankind. The cast of millions also includes ukulele maestro George Formby, Mick Jagger, Mama Cass, Elvis Presley and Lazlo Woodbine. And Tyler's brother, Andy, who impersonates animals (and who single-handedly brought about the Swinging Sixties). And a lady named Clara from Croydon, who unlocked the meta-phenomena of the Multiverse. And a corner shopkeeper from Brentford, who created a sitting room for God. And a great many living dead. Oh yes, and it also involves a monster in human form whose intention it is to turn the Earth into a Necrosphere, a planet totally devoid of life ...

The Fandom Of The Operator

The Fandom Of The Operator

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 01/04/2002

'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how good he is at playing with the rules' MIRROR Gary Cheese is twenty-two years of age and works for British Telecom as an operator. Gary's hobbies include watching TV, walking his dog Princey, going down the pub with his mates, and attempting to re-animate the dead. He hasn't been having too much success with the latter so far. But Gary's heard a rumour. According to this bloke he met down the pub, there exists certain telecommunications technology that can actually let you speak to the dead. Apparently it's been in operation for years. FLATLINE, it's called, a chatline to the dead. They ran all these ads on the TV a few years ago to prepare the public for it. Those ones about having a one-to-one with famous dead people. But it seems something went very wrong: the dead had certain things to say to the living that the powers that be couldn't allow to be heard. Or something. Apparently. Gary's determined to find out the truth. Gary's a bit of a fan boy and Gary really wants to speak to all of his dead heroes. And Gary will have the time of his life when he talks to the dead.

Sex And Drugs And Sausage Rolls

Sex And Drugs And Sausage Rolls

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/10/2000

He becomes funnier the more you read him.' Independent It has always been John Omally's secret ambition to become a rock star. In his youth he mastered air guitar and wardrobe-mirror posing, but he lacked that certain something. Talent. But at last an opportunity has arisen for John to get into 'The Industry'. A band called Gandhi's Hairdryer are looking for a manager, so all John has to do is persuade them that he is the new Brian Epstein. It should be a piece of cake. But - and there's always a but - there is something rather odd about this band. Something other-worldly. It might be the lead singer, whose voice has the power to heal. Might she be an angel, perhaps? Or could she be the Devil in disguise? Because, after all, the Devil does have all the best tunes. And this is Brentford. In this, his final offering of the twentieth century, Robert Rankin returns to the town of his birth, the friends of his youth and one of the loves of his life: Rock Music. 'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life.' Daily Express

Apocalypso

Apocalypso

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 01/07/1999

The Ministry of Serendipity at Mornington Crescent runs everything. And that is everything. When the Ministry learns of a spacecraft that crashed four thousand years ago into the Pacific Ocean it sends an elite team of paranormal investigators to recover it. A mad alien thaws out, there is hell and horror all around and thousands flee in terror. Porrig has inherited a planet, or it might be a bookshop, or it might be a gateway into another world. And Porrig is worried, because he has learned a terrible secret. But if he told people, would they listen? No. But perhaps they should, because a mad alien has thawed out, there is hell and horror all around and thousands are fleeing in terror. And there is every likelihood of there being a bloody big explosion at the end. Will Porrig manage to do anything about it at all?

The Dance Of The Voodoo Handbag

The Dance Of The Voodoo Handbag

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 03/12/1998

Surfing the Web? If Billy had looked a Anyone can do that! Why not little more carefully at Try something really radical? the small ad, he might Access the departed by body-boarding the never have sold his Necronet. grandma's soul to science. But he didn't, so he did. Never has it been more Easy. All you have to do is The cheque from NECROSOFT Enter the Soul bounced and all Billy got Database by taking a left-hand turn off the Information left in the old girl's will Super-Highway and was the handbag. The Voodoo Handbag. The talking You're there. In the Land Voodoo Handbag. The tales Of the Virtual Dead. Send for details today. it told Billy would change U know it makes sense. his life forever - and the lives of other people too. Those few who still had lives. In what must surely rank as his most extraordinary work to date, the Teller of Tall Tales has combined his extensive knowledge of the occult with his unique brand of savage humour to produce a Techno-Gothic masterpiece guaranteed to send shivers down the spines of PC users everywhere.

Sprout Mask Replica

Sprout Mask Replica

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 04/12/1997

His great-great grandfather died at the Battle of Little Big Horn. He wasn't with Custer though. He was holding a sprout-bake and tent meeting in the field next door and went over to complain about the noise. His great-grandfather (also a sprout farmer and man of the cloth) always wore weighted shoes while in the pulpit, to avoid any embarrassing levitations during moments of extreme rapture. His grandfather (lay precher, large sideburns, taste for sprouts) spoke only in rhyming couplets (to please the ghost of his dead wife) and owned a pig called Belshazzar that dined exclusively upon the aforementioned vegetables and did strange things on the back parlour wall. His father (an elder in the Sacred Order of the Golden Sprout) practised body-modification in an attempt to win a bet with his brother (a monk) that he could shin up the inside of a drainpipe. And there was him. And he was weird. Can this be Robert Rankin's autobiography? He swears that it isn't, but as a self-confessed teller of tall tales, whoever is going to believe him?

Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

Nostradamus Ate My Hamster

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/06/1997

DO HOLOGRAMS DREAM OF ELECTRIC CINEMA? He wanted Hollywood. He got Brentford. He wanted Spielberg. He got Fudgepacker. He got who? Fudgepacker. Ernest Fudgepacker. Directed all those weird B-movies back in the Fifties. Whatever happened to him? He retired. Opened Fudgepacker's Emporium, a prop house catering to the more bizarre needs of the film industry. Amazing place. There you could hire anything from shrunken heads to a pickled homunculus. Trouble is, they just don't make that kind of movie any more. Ernie's going bust. In fact, if he can't come up with some big bucks pretty damn quick, he's going to lose the business. It will take a miracle to save him now. Young Master Robert believes in miracles. He has a dream. He wants to star in movies alongside The Greats. The Golden Greats. The dead Golden Greats. He's a boy boffin with computers and he's invented this system that could put the stars of yesteryear right back up there on the screen. Next to him. He's written a script and he's got piles of money (his dad owns the brewery), but Hollywood isn't keen. And Mr Spielberg didn't ring back. The lad needs a director and Ernie needs the dosh, and Ernie only lives up the road. Could this be the perfect partnership? Well, it could be...but then this is Brentford and when you make movies in this neck of the woods, you can be sure of a BIG surprise. And when Brentford takes on Hollywood, then Hollywood had better pack up and head for the hills.

The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived

The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/10/1995

Norman's definitely dead. His dad fell out of the sky and flattened him. And as Norman didn't want any regular full-time employment before he died, he certainly doesn't want any now. Especially not here at The Universal Reincarnation Company. There's far too many filing cabinets and far too much paperwork. Not that it's the company's fault. The blame really lies with God. If He hadn't decided to close down Hell, then Heaven wouldn't have got too overcrowded and there would have been no need to build the extension. And until the extension is finished, the U.R.C. will just have to keep on recycling all those souls in the big queue. If your taste is for a tender romance, taut with passion and desire, love and betrayal, then this raging stonker of a novel, bursting out of its leather pants with sex, scandal, murder, mystery, suspense, drama, action, adventure and Mad Car Disease, probably won't be for you. Sorry.

The Greatest Show Off Earth

The Greatest Show Off Earth

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 06/04/1995

Raymond's had a rough couple of days. Snatched from his allotment by a flying starfish from Uranus and sold as a delicacy in a Venusian food market, it seems like his luck has changed when he is rescued by the travelling circus. But then this isn't an ordinary circus.

Raiders Of The Lost Carpark

Raiders Of The Lost Carpark

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 01/10/1994

Hugo Rune returns. And just in time, for the evil fairies of Brentford are planning to conquer the world. To publicise his mission, Hugo plans to kidnap the Queen while she addresses the world before a gig by the greatest rock band on earth, Gandhi's Hairdryer.

The Suburban Book Of The Dead Armageddon III: The Remake

The Suburban Book Of The Dead Armageddon III: The Remake

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 10/06/1993

AT LAST! The much-longed-for final part of the stupendous ARMAGEDDON trilogy. And so it came to pass that on 27 July 2061 in the land of Eden, the money-free Utopia, Rex Mundi did toil mightily in his back garden. And he did excavate a cesspit like unto the one which his wife Christeen - the daughter of God and the twin sister of Christ - had been giving him GBH of the earholes regarding the need for therewith. And verily in the midst of his labours did Rex's spade strike a buried object of not inconsiderable size. And lo. It were a marble statue of Elvis Presley. Oh yes siree! For Elvis looms large here, much to Rex's discomfort, which is further increased when he discovers that the walls of Jericho fell to the strains of 'It's Now or Never' and that David slew the dwarf Goliath wearing blue suede shoes. When Rex is confronted with The Singular Case of the Purloined Presliana, and the Luminous Order of the Sacred Sprout, he realises things are getting out of control...

The Brentford Triangle

The Brentford Triangle

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 13/08/1992

'Omally groaned. It is the end of mankind as we know it. I should never have got up so early today and all over Brentford electrical appliances were beginning to fail...' Could it be that Pooley and Omally, whilst engaged on a round of allotment golf, mistook laser-operated gravitational landing beams for the malignant work of Brentford Council? Does the Captain Laser Alien Attack machine in the bar of the Swan possess more sinister force than its magnetic appeal for youths with green hair? Is Brentford the first base in an alien onslaught on planet Earth?

The Antipope

The Antipope

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 13/02/1992

This story uncovers suburbia's darkest secrets--mostly in The Flying Swan, where Neville the barman and Archroy, owner of five magic beans, do battle with beasts of the occult--and in particular the rather unpleasant Pope Alexander VI, the last of the Borgias.

Armageddon: The Musical

Armageddon: The Musical

Author: Robert Rankin Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 25/04/1991

From the point of view of 2050, you're history Theological warfare. Elvis on an epic time-travel journey - the Presliad. Buddhavision - a network bigger than God (and more powerful, too). Nasty nuclear leftovers. Naughty sex habits. Dalai Dan (the 153rd reincarnation of the Lama of that ilk) and Barry, the talkative Time Sprout. Even with all this excitement, you wouldn't think a backwater planet like Earth makes much of a splash in the galatic pond. But the soap opera called The Earthers is making big video bucks in the intergalactic ratings race. And alien TV execs know exactly what the old earth drama needs to make the off-world audience sit up and stare: a spectacular Armageddon-type finale. With a cast of millions - including you! DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL - IT'S GONNA BE A HELLUVA SHOW!

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