Audiobooks by Augusten Burroughs

Magical Thinking: True Stories

"This book was written in an era before trigger warnings. Sensitive readers please proceed with caution. —Love, Augusten. From the #1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors and Dry—a contagiously funny, heartwarming, shocking, twisted, and absolutely magical collection. True stories that give voice to the thoughts we all have but dare not mention. It begins with a Tang Instant Breakfast Drink television commercial when Augusten was seven. Then there is the contest of wills with the deranged cleaning lady. The execution of a rodent carried out with military precision and utter horror. Telemarketing revenge. Dating an undertaker. And much more. A collection of true stories that are universal in their appeal, yet unabashedly intimate and very funny. A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin's Press."

Augusten Burroughs (Author), Augusten Burroughs (Narrator)

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Toil & Trouble: A Memoir

"'...on top of everything else, the audiobook features a multi-textural and atmospheric full-cast performance...This is a wild, spookily engaging take on a memoir from an iconic writer.' -- Paste From the number one New York Times bestselling author comes another stunning memoir that is tender, touching...and just a little spooky. 'Here’s a partial list of things I don’t believe in: God. The Devil. Heaven. Hell. Bigfoot. Ancient Aliens. Past lives. Life after death. Vampires. Zombies. Reiki. Homeopathy. Rolfing. Reflexology. Note that 'witches' and 'witchcraft' are absent from this list. The thing is, I wouldn’t believe in them, and I would privately ridicule any idiot who did, except for one thing: I am a witch.' For as long as Augusten Burroughs could remember, he knew things he shouldn't have known. He manifested things that shouldn't have come to pass. And he told exactly no one about this, save one person: his mother. His mother reassured him that it was all perfectly normal, that he was descended from a long line of witches, going back to the days of the early American colonies. And that this family tree was filled with witches. It was a bond that he and his mother shared--until the day she left him in the care of her psychiatrist to be raised in his family (but that's a whole other story). After that, Augusten was on his own. On his own to navigate the world of this tricky power; on his own to either use or misuse this gift. From the hilarious to the terrifying, Toil & Trouble is a chronicle of one man's journey to understand himself, to reconcile the powers he can wield with things with which he is helpless. There are very few things that are coincidences, as you will learn in Toil & Trouble. Ghosts are real, trees can want to kill you, beavers are the spawn of Satan, houses are alive, and in the end, love is the most powerful magic of all. '[Toil & Trouble] is fully brought to life in a complete and unabridged 'theatre of the mind' audio book experience by the narrative team of Augusten Burroughs, Anne Bobby, Robin Miles, and Gabra Zackman.' — Midwest Book Review"

Augusten Burroughs (Author), Anne Bobby, Augusten Burroughs, Gabra Zackman, Robin Miles (Narrator)

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Lust & Wonder: A Memoir

"'Burroughs has lived this story, so his delivery perfectly matches the tone and pacing needed. Focusing on a series of failed relationships, Burroughs lets his voice rise in both tension and tenor as he analyzes the reasons, with help from analysis, that some relationships work and others are doomed by the personal quirks of both people.' — AudioFile Magazine The instant New York Times bestseller from renowned author Augusten Burroughs. Lust: 1. intense sexual desire or appetite 2.a passionate or overmastering desire or craving 3.ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish. Wonder: 1. something strange and surprising; a cause of surprise, astonishment,or admiration 2. the emotion excited by what is strange and surprising; a feeling of surprised or puzzled interest, sometimes tinged with admiration 3. a miraculous deed or event; remarkable phenomenon From the beloved #1 New York Times bestselling author comes an intimate look at the driving forces in one man’s life. With Augusten's unique and singular observations and his own unabashed way of detailing both the horrific and the humorous, Lust and Wonder is a hilariously frank audiobook memoir that his legions of fans have been waiting for. His story began in Running with Scissors, endured through Dry, and continues with this memoir, the capstone to the life of Augusten Burroughs. Funny, sweet, alarming, and ultimately, moving and tender, Lust & Wonder is an experience of a audiobook that will resonate with anyone who has loved and lost and loved again."

Augusten Burroughs (Author), Augusten Burroughs (Narrator)

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You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

"You've eaten too much candy at Christmas…but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You've seen gingerbread houses…but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You've woken up with a hangover…but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection he recounts Christmases past and present—as only he could. With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best."

Augusten Burroughs (Author), Augusten Burroughs (Narrator)

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A Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father

"Nominated for the 2009 Audiobook of the Year 'As a little boy, I had a dream that my father had taken me to the woods where there was a dead body. He buried it and told me I must never tell. It was the only thing we'd ever done together as father and son, and I promised not to tell. But unlike most dreams, the memory of this one never left me. And sometimes…I wasn't altogether sure about one thing: was it just a dream?' When Augusten Burroughs was small, his father was a shadowy presence in his life: a form on the stairs, a cough from the basement, a silent figure smoking a cigarette in the dark. As Augusten grew older, something sinister within his father began to unfurl. Something dark and secretive that could not be named. Betrayal after shocking betrayal ensued, and Augusten's childhood was over. The kind of father he wanted didn't exist for him. This father was distant, aloof, uninterested… And then the 'games' began. With A Wolf at the Table, Augusten Burroughs makes a quantum leap into untapped emotional terrain: the radical pendulum swing between love and hate, the unspeakably terrifying relationship between father and son. Told with scorching honesty and penetrating insight, it is a story for anyone who has ever longed for unconditional love from a parent. Though harrowing and brutal, A Wolf at the Table will ultimately leave you buoyed with the profound joy of simply being alive. It's a memoir of stunning psychological cruelty and the redemptive power of hope."

Augusten Burroughs (Author), Augusten Burroughs (Narrator)

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