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Titles to make you laugh out loud. Or just smile. Or both.
The Middle Class ABC is the book loos, bedside tables and farmers markets the length and breadth of the land have been waiting for - a humorous celebration of the facts (some are even true) and foibles, manners and mores, peccadilloes and armadillos, of contemporary British middle-class life. Letter by letter, the occasionally clever, witty and absurd observations and cartoons will ring true for all good Middlings. WARNING: you might even recognize your own or your friends' choices of children's names, foodie fads, holiday destinations ...Crammed with affectionately teasing jokes and some truly dreadful puns, this is a book to enjoy at any time of the year in the course of going about one's business.
My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree. A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?' I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.' I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences. I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.' I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.
So how good are you at Pointless? Really? Do you think you've got the enough in-depth knowledge of Regional Railways, African Countries With No Coastline and Types of Lettuce to carry off the coveted Pointless trophy? Well let's see shall we? Here's your chance to step up to the podium (metaphorically speaking of course, chances are you'll be sitting somewhere very comfortably with either a mug of tea or a roll of Andrex within easy reach) put that knowledge to the test, and see just how far you can go in a genuine four-round Pointless ordeal. For the very first time, this is a collection of 100 of the finest Pointless questions from the hugely popular ratings-winning TV show Pointless. Let hosts Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman guide you through the rounds with their trademark warmth and humour and battle it out against your friends and family for Pointless glory. Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless...
A collection of remarkable and completely made-up correspondence from the great and the good across history. Many books have collated the exceptional letters and personal writing of the famous, offering a fascinating insight into well-known figures' personal lives and hidden desires. But what of the undistinguished epistles of the renowned? Can their less auspicious musings divulge clues to their hopes and ambitions? Probably not. But they can be quite funny. 'Letters of Not' assembles the fictional jotted dross that was never before considered worthy of collection. The Post-it notes, the shopping lists, the failed limericks and the birthday card sentiments of history's most celebrated sons and daughters. Inside you will find: Werner Herzog's impassioned note to his cleaning lady Patti Smith's gym application Captain Scott's other last letter to his wife Salvador Dali's to do list Mark E. Smith's audio tour of Ripon Cathedral Harold Pinter greetings cards Pope Benedict's handover notes James Joyce's out of office Dr Heimlich's other manoeuvre A letter from the table next to the Algonquin Round Table Tweets from the 1966 Newport Folk Festival Instructions on what to do when you meet Van Morrison And many more, beautifully rendered in their original, blatantly falsified glory and hilariously transcribed for your pleasure.
Application for Employment I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and hereby apply for the replacement of the deceased manager. Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his death certificate. Crap CVs is a hilarious compilation of the worst job applications imaginable, including overly-honest cover letters, embarrassing typos, mortifying personal revelations, awkward interview questions, misplaced self-confidence, self-aggrandizing gibberish, blatant truth-twisting and, of course, outright lies.
300 questions provided by some fact-seeking primary-school children give a host of world-class experts the challenge to come up with the short and snappy answers. To make this a complete book of family entertainment there are added quizzes and fact sections – all being sold to aid the NSPCC. Like for Like Reading Why Don’t Penguins’ Feet Freeze and 114 Other Questions, New Scientist Ringing Church Bells to Ward off Thunderstorms & Other Curiosities from the original “Notes & Queries” £12.99 Hardback 352 pages The Bunbury Press 22nd September 2009 9780956204608
Based on Time Out magazine's most popular column, Word on the Street brings together the best of the most ridiculous, bizarre, near-the-knuckle and sweet utterances by Londoners as heard by Londoners. The collection of over 200 quotes will cover such topics as Family & Parenting, Fashion & Style, Eating, Sex, London and feature insights such as: On London - How would I describe Wimbledon Village? It's like Jack Wills threw up; Everywhwere - Herne Hill is great except you can't get a Diptyque candle south of the river West Ham isn't short for West Hampstead? Are you sure? Croydon is like a horse. It smells, everybody thinks it's dangerous, but ultimately it's Incredible On Food - Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Even Delia says it's okay to cheat. Pre-chopped onions, my friend. No more tears. White bread is like the ninja of the food world. It's a silent killer. Isn't cauliflower just the ghost of Broccoli? On Fashion & Style - That guy was obviously a drug dealer. Nobody wears white shorts like that anymore She seems like a nice person, but she smells like a Fisherman's Friend It's hair suicide weather. There are a bunch of Tina Turner's walking around Covent Garden.
Since 1992, the financial and business life of the UK and many other parts of the world has changed beyond all recognition. The culture of that change has been expertly and insightfully charted in the writings of Martin Vander Weyer. Observing from the inside and the outside, having spent 15 years as an investment banker at the heart of the British financial establishment and in Brussels and the Far East before forging a creative path as a journalist, Martin Vander Weyer offers a unique critical perspective on the events and developments that have brought us to where we are today. From 'Big Bang' of 1986 that irrevocably changed the culture of banking - and of the UK - through to the global financial crisis of 2008 and the subsequent banking scandals, the people, ideas and very existence of the City have been under scrutiny as never before. In this eclectic and entertaining collection, Martin Vander Weyer brings a sharp eye and a very personal style to bear on often controversial topics, alongside recollections of life in the City and dissections of the current state of play; deliciously evocative accounts of travel, culture, food and daily life; and, very occasionally, reflections on the travails of middle age. Beautifully written, this collection offers an entirely unique, sometimes surprising, but always beguiling perspective on our changing times.
1,227 QI Facts blew your socks off. 1,339 QI Facts made your jaw drop. Now the QI team return with this year's groaning sack of astonishment. Prepare to be knocked sideways...Orchids can get jetlag. Lizards can't walk and breathe at the same time. There are 177,147 ways to tie a tie. Ladybird orgasms last for 30 minutes. Traffic lights existed before cars. Sir Bruce Forsyth is four months older than sliced bread. The soil in your garden is 2 million years old.
You name it. I'll paint it. On Paint. Jim'll Paint. It is an enigma. As he says on his wildly successful Tumblr and Facebook pages: Got something in your brain that you'd really like to see with your eyes? Just ask and if I like the sound of it I'll paint it for you using incredibly high tech and sophisticated MS Paint software. Generating hundreds of thousands of requests, Jim has painted everything from Brian Blessed punching a polar bear to Mary and Joseph being turned away from a Premier Inn by Lenny Henry, and his recent picture of Vladimir Putin as every member of the Village People became an internet sensation. Here for the first time are the selected works of one of the finest and most popular artists of our day.
Edward Estlin Cummings knew a thing or two (take a look at our Poetry Section if you don’t believe us!) and we have to agree with him. Humour is at the heart of human life and you’ll find it in fine form in this section. From favourite TV shows to quirky memoirs; hilarious novels to witty verse; books to dip into, books to devour. We know that humour is subjective and so we’ve spread the net pretty wide as we trawled the comedy oceans for the funniest fish. Un’shellfish’ly, we’ve compiled monthly lists of eclectic recommendations so that you can easily find whatever tickles your fins. There are books here to give as gifts, to savour on your own, or to enjoy with others. Books of laugh out-loud jokes and anecdotes to make you smile on the train, plane, bus or any other public place. After all, laughter is infectious. Spread it around.