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Geoff Tibballs - Author

About the Author

Geoff Tibballs is the author of the bestselling Mammoth Book of Jokes and The Mammoth Book of Dirty Jokes as well as many other books including Business Blunders and Legal Blunders. A former journalist and press officer, he is now a full-time writer who lists his hobbies as sport, eating, drinking, and avoiding housework. He lives in Nottingham, England, with his wife and daughters.

Featured books by Geoff Tibballs

Other books by Geoff Tibballs

The World's 100 Weirdest Museums

The World's 100 Weirdest Museums

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 20/10/2016

When we think of the world's great museums, we tend to think of the Louvre, the Guggenheim or the Victoria and Albert. We do not immediately think of the Dog Collar Museum, the Kansas Barbed Wire Museum, the Museum of Broken Relationships or Barney Smith's Toilet Seat Art Museum. Yet scattered across the globe are museums dedicated to every conceivable subject, from bananas to Bigfoot, lawnmowers to leprechauns, teapots to tapeworms, mustard to moist towelettes, and pencils to penises. Many are serious collections housed in grand buildings, others are located in tiny premises and are open to visitors by appointment only, often the result of one person's crazy lifetime obsession. This book lists the world's 100 weirdest museums in order of quirkiness, encompassing such delights as The Museum of Witchcraft in Cornwall, a museum in Kentucky that houses 800 ventriloquists' dolls, the Museum of Bad Art in Massachusetts, the Paris Sewer Museum, the French Fry Museum in Bruges, the Museum of Contraception and Abortion in Vienna, the Salt and Pepper Shaker Museum in Tennessee, Japan's Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum (quite possibly the world's only museum devoted to instant noodles), and the Kunstkamera in St Petersburg, home to Peter the Great's collection of oddities including deformed fetuses and the decapitated head of a love rival preserved in vinegar. After all, what holiday is complete until you have seen a 300-year-old decapitated human head in a jar? Each entry will include address, contact and admission details, so the next time you are in Berlin there is no excuse for missing out on a visit to the Currywurst Museum, the world's leading museum dedicated to sausages in hot ketchup.

Motor Racing's Strangest Races

Motor Racing's Strangest Races

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 09/06/2016

Since 1894, when motor racing's colourful history began with a bang (and a banger!), drivers, racers and lunatics alike have done many stupid and bizarre things all in the name of motor sport. Author Geoff Tibballs has gathered together this absorbing collection of stories from over a century of motor racing around the world, including the Frenchman who drove 25 miles in reverse, the Grand Prix in which the leading drivers were so far ahead that they stopped for a meal in the pits, the Le Mans 24-hour race won by a car patched up with chewing gum, and the driver who drank six bottles of champagne - virtually one per pit-stop - on the way to winning the Indianapolis 500. The stories in this book are bizarre, fascinating, hilarious, and, most importantly, true. Revised, redesigned and updated for a new generation of petrolheads, this book contains enough extraordinary-but-true tales to drive anyone around the bend. Word count: 45,000

The Good, the Bad and the Wurst

The Good, the Bad and the Wurst

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 12/04/2016

YES, IT'S EUROVISION TIME AGAIN! THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE EUROVISION FAN IN YOUR LIFE! For 60 years the Eurovision Song Contest has existed in a parallel universe where a song about the construction of a hydro-electric power station is considered cutting-edge pop, where half a dozen warbling Russian grandmothers are considered Saturday night entertainment, where a tune repeating the word 'la' 138 times is considered a winner, and where Australia is considered part of Europe During those sixty years we have witnessed scandals: in 1957, Denmark's Birthe Wilke and Gustav Winckler enjoyed an outrageously long 13-second kiss because the stage manager forgot to say 'cut' during the live broadcast. We have witnessed national outrage: the 1976 Greek entry was a savage indictment of Turkish foreign policy in Cyprus. But most have all we have witnessed silly costumes, terrible lyrics and performers as diverse as Celine Dion and Dustin the Turkey. This book chronicles the 100 craziest moments in the history of Eurovision - the drag acts, the bad acts, the nul points heroes and the night in Luxembourg when the floor manager warned the audience not to stand up while they applauded because they might be shot by security forces. It captures some of the magic from this yearly event that continues to beguile and bemuse in equal measure.

Crap Kitchen

Crap Kitchen

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 19/11/2015

The worst cookbook ever, packed with truly bizarre and utterly disgusting recipes from all over the world Ever since humankind produced its first foodie, the culinary world has dished up some staggering confections which could best be described as 'acquired tastes': dishes such as Virgin Boy Eggs (eggs soaked in the urine of prepubescent boys); live octopus, which clutches at the diner's tongue and throat as it is swallowed; and Beard Beer, made from the yeast found in facial hair. In northern Greenland, the Inuit are fond of cramming as many as 500 dead auks (small sea birds) into an old seal skin which they place under a large rock until the birds have fermented into what has rightly been described as a 'sticky, pungent, toxic, cheesy gloop'. Kiviak, as it is called, is eaten by biting off the birds' heads and sucking out the juices. The mighty Roman Empire was built on such delicacies as larks' tongues, stuffed thrush, boiled flamingo and grilled cow's womb, while the Tudors loved nothing more than a roast cockenthrice: the head and upper body of a pig carefully stitched onto the lower body and legs of a turkey. Today, for those with an adventurous mindset and a robust life insurance policy, there is no shortage of nauseating local delicacies to enjoy. In China, not only is tuna eyeball on the menu, but also yak penis (served whole). In Vietnam, one can enjoy the still-beating heart of a freshly-killed snake; in Iceland, raw puffin heart. In the Philippines, there is duck embryo to be had - like a Kinder Surprise . . . only containing a dead foetus instead of a toy. In Sardinia, they like nothing more than a nice bit of maggot-infested cheese; and the favourite tipple of Korean foodies is Ttongsul, a wine made from the fermented faeces of a child. Bon appetit!

The Mammoth Book of More Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes

The Mammoth Book of More Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 19/09/2013

Funny, fearless and absolutely filthy-nearly 3,000 more uncensored, dirty, sick, and deeply politically incorrect jokes, covering just about every topic imaginable, from adultery to (sex in) Zoos, including an assortment of bad taste lists. A worthy, all-new follow-on to the first bestselling volume.

Little Book of Liverpool FC

Little Book of Liverpool FC

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 11/04/2013

Liverpool's place in English football's hierarchy is recognised around the world and almost every high-profile star on the move gets linked with the Anfield club. Under manager Brendan Rodgers, Liverpool remain the benchmark for success at home and abroad. Title No. 19 remains the Holy Grail, but cup success is a common theme, including the record-setting eighth League Cup success in 2012. No British club is close to matching Liverpool's eight cup victories in Europe and they came within inches of achieving another eight-timer, this time in the FA Cup two months later. From Alan Hansen and Graeme Souness through Michael Owen, Robbie Fowler and Jamie Redknapp to Jamie Carragher and Steven Gerrard, few clubs can boast as many people with so much to say for themselves, especially in the case of ex-manager Bill Shankly, football's most quoted man. Liverpool have a proud tradition and a very loyal support, and this book aims to capture the flavour of both.

The Olympics' Strangest Moments

The Olympics' Strangest Moments

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 05/01/2012

The Olympics' Strangest Moments recounts the bizarre, controversial, inept, heroic and plain unlucky from the first modern games in 1896 to the return of the games to their birthplace in Athens in 2004 and up to the Beijing 2008 games. The world's greatest sporting occasion has been packed with unusual occurrences as well as creating unlikely heroes such as Dorando Pietri, who missed out on marathon gold after being helped over the finish line by over-anxious officials, and ''Eric the Eel'' from Equatorial Guinea who was acknowledged as the slowest swimmer in the history of the games.

The Mammoth Book of Weird News

The Mammoth Book of Weird News

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 03/11/2011

A humorous collection of hundreds of funny news stories, whacky phenomena, and hilarious blunders and gaffes from around the world, such as: the woman who smuggled 75 live snakes in her bra; the man who held a funeral for his amputated foot; the radioactive cat which got mistaken for a bomb; the human tongue that got served up in a hospital; the X-ray that revealed E.T.'s face in a duck; the youth who woke to find a bullet in his tongue; the tortoise that set a house on fire; and many more.

Ultimate Book of Insults

Ultimate Book of Insults

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: eBook Release Date: 18/08/2011

A brilliant collection of insults and sharp retorts for every situation. Includes studied insults, wry putdowns, literary, political, and dramatic rebukes, playground insults, barbs and jibes. The perfect resource for responding to life's slings and arrows with humour and satisfying venom.

The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life

The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Hardback Release Date: 02/06/2011

'You'll laugh out loud and take delight in the gripes of the moaners out there' - The Sun From Bob Geldof to Winston Churchill, Jeremy Clarkson to Victor Meldrew, the world has always produced its share of grumpy, moody, pessimistic and world-weary types. We all know one! They like to groan and grumble, offering their own commentary on the shortcomings of modern life. Whether it is queues at the supermarket, the state of the health system, the price of a pint these days, the hairstyles of teenagers, or the number of Maltesers you actually get in a bag, there is always something that will get their goat. The Grumpy Old Git's Guide to Life is a hilarious celebration of all these grumps, how to identify one, what exactly they find so irritating and why we find their rants quite so amusing.

Crazy Sh*t Old People Say

Crazy Sh*t Old People Say

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 26/05/2011

With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please. These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, Vicar.' Other gems include: It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short.' What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now. The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet. Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal shit on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced fucking nipples. Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.

The Mammoth Book of Really Silly Jokes

The Mammoth Book of Really Silly Jokes

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 20/11/2009

The biggest and best collection of jokes for all the family to enjoy. 8,000 rib-ticklers, covering every subject under the sun from Aardvarks to Zombies, including chicken jokes, doctor-doctor jokes, elephant jokes, horror jokes, knock-knock jokes, excruciating puns, riddles, school jokes, sports jokes and waiter jokes. Most of the jokes are sharp one-liners but there is also a scattering of slightly longer stories.

The Book of Senior Jokes

The Book of Senior Jokes

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Hardback Release Date: 01/10/2009

Ageing is one of those unavoidable facts of life, and what more can you do about it than laugh (admittedly, slightly defensively)? Just why fading physical and mental faculties should be so funny is something of a mystery, but they are and with The Book of Senior Jokes you can laugh off your forgetfulness, fading physique and new penchant for the afternoon nap. This book - and do, please, try to remember to pay for it - is a collection of the very best 'senior' jokes, putting them down between hard covers where even you can't forget them. The Book of Senior Jokes is the perfect present for anyone feeling their age, no matter how old they may be, that will help them celebrate all that is positive - and positively hilarious - about growing older.

Two Nuns In A Bath

Two Nuns In A Bath

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 01/10/2009

A brand-new, fantastic, enormous collection of 5,000 jokes, gags and one-liners - indexed and categorised to help with finding the right joke for any occasion or audience, from Bar-Mitzvahs to bar-rooms. Two Nuns in a Bath is the consummate collection, with jokes on every subject under the sun, from lawyers to low-energy light bulbs. Two nuns are sitting in a bath. One says Where's the soap? The other replies It does rather doesn't it? A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. I charge $50 for three questions, the lawyer says. That's awfully steep, isn't it? the guy asks. Yes, the lawyer replies, Now what's your final question?

Just Like Dad Says

Just Like Dad Says

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Hardback Release Date: 27/05/2009

'I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood' Homer Simpson Fathers come in many guises - wise or silly, strict or kind. They can make you laugh and they can make you cringe. They can drive you home and they can drive you mad ... In Just Like Dad Says, wise and witty words from the likes of Billy Connolly, Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Milligan and Homer Simpson cover everything from the joy of being a new dad to waving kids off as they - finally - leave home. Old and new, laugh-out-loud funny or wickedly dry, Just Like Dad Says is the best ever collection of quotes by and about Dad. 'My father only hit me once - but he used a Volvo' Bob Monkhouse 'Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective' P.J. O'Rourke

The Ultimate Cockney Geezer's Guide to Rhyming Slang

The Ultimate Cockney Geezer's Guide to Rhyming Slang

Author: Geoff Tibballs Format: Paperback / softback Release Date: 04/09/2008

Would you Adam and Eve it? Over a hundred years after it was first heard on the streets of Ye Olde London Towne, Cockney rhyming slang is still going strong, and this book contains the most comprehensive and entertaining guide yet. Presented in an easy-to-read A to Z format, it explains the meaning of hundreds of terms, from old favourites such as apples and pears (stairs) and plates of meat (feet) to the more obscure band of hope (soap) and cuts and scratches (matches) through to modern classics such as Anthea Turner (earner) and Ashley Cole (own goal), as well as providing fascinating background info and curious Cockney facts throughout. Also included are a series of language tests so that readers can brush up on their newfound knowledge on their way to becoming a true Cockney Geezer. All in all, The Ultimate Cockney Geezer's Guide to Rhyming Slang is well worth your bread and honey to have a butcher's.

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