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By the time someone decides to come along and see a therapist, they often feel like they’ve been stuck going around in circles for quite some time. This book addresses and highlights the common reasons why people seek therapy feeling stuck in their lives.
What happens more often than not is that the client kind of realises what the particular problem is. But they just can’t seem to get to the bottom of why they keep doing the problem. For example, a client may be able to articulate that they have a fear of heights which demonstrates an awareness of the problem, they may also be able to explain how and when that became a problem for them. Perhaps the fear comes from a traumatic experience in the past such as a dangerous flight, or even something such as a fall off a bike or swing in the past. Yet, being able as an adult to see that problem and know that the fear is ridiculous because swings and bikes, as adults are not so dangerous after all they still cant seem to break through and make that connection between the unconscious fear of danger and the conscious minds awareness of the lack of danger after assessment. If sounds like you, then have a think about this next time you want to know what to do if you’re feeling stuck in your life.
Self discipline is something we all need to learn from time to time, perhaps you have started your own business and you are wasting a lot of valuable time, you're going to have to learn some self discipline so that you can start to manage your time more effectively or perhaps you have just started a new job working from home, youre going to need to show a great deal of self discipline in order to keep yourself on task and away from distractions easily found at home.
In this short, sweet and easy easy three step guide you will learn the reasons behind our lack of control, where it comes from and how to reprogram and recondition the mind to be more self discipline. Packed full of examples such as this one - If you would have ordinarily eaten a ‘Big Mac’ meal from McDonald’s for dinner, perhaps you can consciously decide to make it a medium size meal instead. Or perhaps you can decide to have a water instead of the usual coke. Keep everything the same with the exception of one small part of the usual pattern. Then over a few weeks, gradually change another part within the pattern or process. Then another. Then another. Until eventually the whole habit starts to change. And after a few months, you can start to plan ‘bigger’ things that would have ordinarily been more exhausting, more overwhelming or more long-term.
The term ‘burn your boats’ comes from a lesson in History going way back to the 1500’s where a Spanish expedition to conquer Mexico saw the Spanish army’s leader burn the boats they had arrived on. He realised that so long as his men knew there was a chance of retreat, they would never be able to put in 100% of their effort towards conquering the new land. He gave them no choice. Once they knew there was no way out, the men worked harder than ever to conquer the Aztec empire. The men knew that there was no alternative, the bridges or in this case, the boats had certainly been burned. This is actually where the phrase ‘burn your boats’ came from, when you know that the only thing holding you back is the knowledge that if you don’t put all your effort into something, you’ll kind of still be okay, enough to put up with it at least.
I’ve seen plenty of people approach this stupidly though, quitting their jobs to start businesses rather than starting the business on the side, in their spare time while they save up enough capital to branch out on their own. I’ve seen people invest all of their life savings in one single investment opportunity which failed miserably when a bit of extra research or diversification could have prevented their massive fall. I’ve seen people take massive risks simply because they don’t want to have to plan or prepare or wait or be patient. The trick here is to create a healthy balance between risk and achievement, its dangerous betting it all on black because you may loose it all, but if you don’t bet at all playing it safe you will never gain anything so the key here is to weight the options and create a balance.
You will be able to get more of an idea as to how exactly to find that balance within this book.
It would be nice to think that job positions are based on merit. But deep down I think we all know that this is not entirely true. The job market is not fair, Its competitive. Its just that the rules of the competition are more obvious to some than they are to others.
The only difference between the people who have worked their way up further than you, is that they know the rules better than you do. That’s what gives them the upper hand, but its about to be what gives you the upper hand instead.
When they have the right knowledge, they know the right things to say, especially during an interview. Most importantly, when you know things that others don’t, you think differently. And it’s the way that more successful people think that leads them to opportunities that others miss out on. This in turn makes them more confident, which in turn makes them more appealing to employers, especially when it comes to the more competitive jobs.
In my own companies, I’ve had to employ a lot of people. I have reviewed hundreds of job applications and have trained my own HR staff how to look for the ‘hidden’ red or green predictor flags that indicate how someone thinks (which we can use to predict how they will act). The red flags mean that, no matter what the person’s experience, we should steer clear of them. The green flags mean we should chase after them and compete for them to snatch them up before another employer gets to them first.
Even if its in a different industry, that other employer becomes our competitor. They may not be competing for our customers, but they’re competing for human talent. And the talents that employers crave the most tends to be rare. So when we see them, we pounce.
As you read this book, you’ll learn a few simple tricks and unspoken rules that will make you a green flag candidate in any job you go for. This means that employers will be chasing you rather than you chasing them.
I once had a therapy client who told me she bought an exercise bike about six months prior to coming in for some one on one coaching. As is the fate of most exercise bikes, treadmills and gym equipment, it just sat there getting dusty. So she was thinking about getting rid of it. The reason, was that she lacked the energy or motivation to use it and wanted to know how to get back into that mindset to lose weight.
My suggestion was this, that she make a routine where she would do just one minute of walking on the treadmill each day. After all, this required very little energy and motivation. She told me that “doing one minute of walking per day wasn't enough to make any difference to her weight and questioned the point.”
It’s really important to remember this point, your weight is not the cause of the problem, your over eating is not the cause of the problem and your lack of exercise is not the cause of the problem either. Those things are coming from your headspace, your thinking and your fixed mindset. The reality is that it might take you a while to rewire your brain before the consequences of the problem start to show real noticeable changes. If you’re only ever looking on the outside, then you’re going to have a hard time changing the problem which ultimately, stems from within you. If you want to know how to get in the mindset to lose weight though, the key is to start looking less to the outside (which includes the food labels and the scales) and instead, start turning your attention inwards, to the inside.
If you would like to get into the mindset of loosing weight this book is for you, im sure you have heard a personal trainer or athlete talk about the importance of mindset before, but this book is something completely new, this book is getting to the core of the problem and understanding the psychology behind what drives, motivates and inspires us.
Stress is a natural thing that occurs within all of us, stress and anxiety can occur momentarily or (acutely) and it can also occur frequently (chronic). Ive had a lot of experiences dealing with stress and anxiety in my life. There has been so many times in my life where I have become so crippled, overwhelmed with stress that I just couldn’t move forward and it was a big driver towards unhealthy habits and addictions for me. Now, most people I come across in often stressful situations are blown away with just how calm and patient I can be. In the most stressful of situations I keep a level head and I am able to stay in control of myself. Basically, I have learned to overcome stress. I documented and studied the process so that I can help others facing the same hurdles, In this book im going to share with you some tips, tricks and tools I learned to help me deal with stress and anxiety.
Things don’t cause stress. Things merely ‘trigger’ it. Let’s say that you are running late to an important meeting and you’re stuck in peak hour traffic feeling super stressed out. The traffic is not the cause of your stress, the traffic is always there during peak hour, you know this because you sit in this traffic each and every day. Your failure to leave home or work earlier is also not the cause of your stress. The negative reaction of the boss you work for and the other people you’re going to be late for is not the cause of your stress. These are all just things. And whilst those things can cause real problems in your life which should be addressed, the stress is not the problem. The stress is simply your reaction to the problem.
So learning how to respond and react to stress and being aware of the messages you are sending to yourself in your own head when you're feeling stressed out is going to get you started living that stress free life. If you would like to discover new ways of dealing with stress and making stress disappear this book is for you.
Most chronic ‘addicts’ (especially people with addictive personalities who tend to go from addiction to addiction) have two things in common. The first is that they were likely raised in dysfunctional family environments where their need for ‘connection’ were not properly met. There was inevitably a lack of patience and supportive discipline.
Children exposed to a dysfunctional environment who go on to replicate those interactions will inevitably have difficulty forming healthy connections with people as an adult. They have not learned healthy personal boundaries and are inevitably prone to things like co dependency. They are likely to take things too personally, have difficulty functioning well in group environments (either because they try to control them too much or because they shy away from them) and are likely to either become psychologically manipulative (or even down right abusive) or be subjected to poor treatment by others. As a result, their needs for healthy connection with others is not met and they live every day with the quiet pain of feeling disconnected from the society around them. The role the addictive behaviour plays therefor, is to release dopamine from the brain (irrespective of whether any chemicals go into the body or not). And what that dopamine does, is to numb that pain by providing a substitute for this connection.
Find out exactly what the two main predictors of an addictive personality are, where it comes from and how to work through your addictive personality, overcome the addictiveness and live a happier, healthier life by reading this book.
Ever wondered whether or not an addict can ever really change? Why, How and when addicts become addicts and how we can overcome addictions. The answer is YES! Addicts can actually change but its more to do with mindset and connections than it is about the particular addiction.
Let's say, for example you take a kid who grows up in a home feeling relatively disengaged, disconnected with their family, with the exception of when they all sit down, and open up, and talk, and engage, and connect with each other over a meal and then with repetition, over the years when they grow up, they can't understand why every time they feel stressed, bored, disengaged, or disconnected, they feel this urge to kind of eat for comfort. Even when they're not even hungry, they just need to eat for the comfort of it and they can't figure out where that started because most people don't spend a lot of time reflecting and looking for recurring patterns.
People need to feel a sense of belonging and connectedness, this is especially true when we look at young people these days. Young people especially need that sense of belonging, nowadays ... where's my phone? If they can't bond or feel engaged or connected with people in real life, there's always a substitute. Now people, young people especially are literally, literally addicted to their phone. Instagram is particularly addictive for young people because you could put a filter on the world. You don't have to see reality. That doesn't feel good. You can get this filtered and I believe it and then ...
Snapchat is even better because it's like it relies on the impulse mechanism. Just post something and it's gone so you don't have to worry about the consequences. So what do you think we do when we don't feel connected? Well, one of the things we do is we seek out self destructive behaviours and distractions like addictions.
Ever wondered how we become addicted? Why, How and when we become particularly addicted and how we can overcome our addictions. Let's say, for example you take a kid who grows up in a home feeling relatively disengaged, disconnected with their family, with the exception of when they all sit down, and open up, and talk, and engage, and connect with each other over a meal and then with repetition, over the years when they grow up, they can't understand why every time they feel stressed, bored, disengaged, or disconnected, they feel this urge to kind of eat for comfort. Even when they're not even hungry, they just need to eat for the comfort of it and they can't figure out where that started because most people don't spend a lot of time reflecting and looking for recurring patterns.
People need to feel a sense of belonging and connectedness, this is especially true when we look at young people these days. Young people especially need that sense of belonging, nowadays ... where's my phone? If they can't bond or feel engaged or connected with people in real life, there's always a substitute. Now people, young people especially are literally, literally addicted to their phone. Instagram is particularly addictive for young people because you could put a filter on the world. You don't have to see reality. That doesn't feel good. You can get this filtered and I believe it and then ...
Snapchat is even better because it's like it relies on the impulse mechanism. Just post something and it's gone so you don't have to worry about the consequences. So what do you think we do when we don't feel connected? Well, one of the things we do is we seek out self destructive behaviours and distractions like addictions.
Let’s say you’ve just been diagnosed with HIV, Cancer or another serious disease, lost your job or found out that you’re about to be evicted from your home. These example situations are perfectly normal situations to feel stressed about. Let’s say however that you would ordinarily resort to some sort of road rage attack if you were cut off in traffic or began hyperventilating with anxiety if you made a mistake at work. These situations don’t require you to stress. So even though there’s a bunch of ways we can cope with or deal with stress that’s not really what we want to cover.
What we do cover is the chronic stress that people live with, not because something particularly bad has happened or been going on, but instead because they tend to become too easily triggered by what is fair to describe as ‘the little things’. What I’m talking about is chronic stress and ‘stressed out’ people. The type of stress that never seems to come and go, that particular kind of stress that seems to affect us constantly.
This type of stress can have hugely negative effects on us and can lead to anxiety, depression and even suicide. Stress is a natural, normal thing but if we do not learn how to cope with it and reduce the pressure that stress cause we will end up living with those negative effects long term, so it becomes increasingly more important to learn how to deal with stress. If you are struggling with the stress associated with a particular situation 'acute' or perhaps longer term stress 'chronic' this book is for you.
One of the most common reasons that people come in to therapy is because of what they describe as a feeling like being stuck. What that means is, being stuck is when essentially we know one thing up here, we know consciously the logical level, we realize reality, but there's something on the inside that just feels very, very different.
We know what we should be eating, we know what we should be avoiding, we know what habits are bad for us, we know what habits are good for us, but despite knowing it up here something on the inside just keeps magnetically pulling us towards a different direction. Whereas the things that we know are good for us it's like something on the inside is kind of resisting, or repelling us away from those things.
The thing I'd like you to take onboard here is to understand that it's a perfectly normal and natural part of the human condition to experience what we'd call inner conflict. In other words, where our head and our heart are sort of out of whack, and not playing on the same team. Whilst this is normal and very, very common it can also sometimes be very unhelpful. Especially when that inner conflict is either pulling us away from things that would really be in our best interest to be able to do, and especially when they're pulling us towards things that can be potentially self destructive.
The thing I'd like you to take onboard here is to understand that it's a perfectly normal and natural part of the human condition to experience what we'd call inner conflict. In other words, where our head and our heart are sort of out of whack, and not playing on the same team. Whilst this is normal and very, very common it can also sometimes be very unhelpful. Especially when that inner conflict is either pulling us away from things that would really be in our best interest to be able to do, and especially when they're pulling us towards things that can be potentially self destructive.
You know damn well what you should be doing. But for some reason, you can’t quite command your body to do it right? You tell yourself your going to go to the gym and start getting into shape tomorrow. You tell yourself you’re going to treat your loved ones better. You tell yourself you’re going to work on that new plan. But it just doesn’t go the way you wanted. It never does.
The reality is that most people have far less self-discipline than they would like to have. But why is that? Well think of it this way. From day one as babies and children, we are taught to follow someone else’s rules. Stick to someone else’s schedule. Stick to the rules or guidelines. Do it how, when and where someone else has decided for us to do it. The school system and the workplace is great for teaching us to be disciplined. But not self-disciplined.
For some of us, self discipline is something important to be able to learn, how to maintain our health and stay on track with our new diet or exercise plan, how to keep employees in order and how to work from home. These examples are just some of the more common reasons as to why we must develop some self discipline.
In this powerful new book WORLD FAMOUS Life, Addiction, Business & Relationship coach, Shane Cuthbert brings together all of his expertise and experience from a range of fields to help us understand both why we are so lacking in self discipline and how to get back on track and become more self disciplined.
