Audiobooks narrated by Nigel Planer

Maskerade: (Discworld Novel 18) Audiobook

'I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought. Now everwhere I go there's...' Death, to be precise. And plenty of it. In unpleasant variations. This isn't real life. This isn't even cheesemongering. It's opera. Where the music matters and where an opera house is being terrorised by a man in evening dress with a white mask, lurking in the shadows, occasionally killing people, and most worryingly, sending little notes, writing maniacal laughter with five exclamation marks. Opera can do that to a man. In such circumstances, life has obviously reached that desperate point where the wrong thing to do has to be the right thing to do...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Lords And Ladies: (Discworld Novel 14)

'When you start believing in Spirits, you start believing in demons, and then before you know where you are, you're believing in Gods. And then you're in trouble.' Reality is all very well in small doses. It's a perfectly conventional and convenient way of neutralising the imagination. But sometimes when there's more than one reality at play, imagination just won't be neutralised, and the walls between realities come tumbling down. Unfortunately there's usually a damned good reason for there being walls between them in the first place. To keep things out. Things who want to make mischief and play havoc with the natural order...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Schrodinger's Cottage

Tinker's Cottage nestles in a forgotten corner of deepest Somerset. It also happens to sit on a weak point in the space time continuum... which is somewhat unfortunate for Ian Faulkener, a graphic novelist from London, who was hoping for some peace and quiet in which to recuperate following a very messy breakdown. It was the cats that first alerted Ian to the fact that something was not quite right with Tinker's Cottage... the cats, and of course the Pope, disappearing literary agents, mislaid handymen and the insanity of Cherie Blair World. As Ian tries to untangle the mystery of the doors of Tinker's cottage he risks becoming lost forever in the myriad alternate universes predicted by Schrodinger. Not to mention his cats. Schrodinger's Cottage is a playful romp through a variety of alternate worlds peopled by an array of wonderful comic characters that are the trademark of David Luddington's novels. For fans of the sadly missed Douglas Adams, Schrodinger's Cottage is a heart-warming comedy with touches of inspired lunacy that pays homage to The Hitchhiker's Guide.

David Luddington (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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The Poetry of England - Volume 2

English Poetry, Volume 2 - An Introduction. The English language has grown into the Worlds pre-dominant spoken language. It's estimated there are over one million words with which to do this. It's sources are rich and diverse, absorbing from other cultures and times without hesitation. It surely follows that when we add the talents of Shakespeare, Keats, Shelley, Kipling and Blake to a myriad of others that its beauty and reach entrance us with their thoughts and visions. In two volumes these remarkable poems present a wonderful companion through the long heritage of the English Language and its poets. The poems in volume 2 are; English Poetry - An Introduction; Bright Star - John Keats; La Belle Dame Sans Merci - John Keats; I Remember I Remember - Thomas Hood; Ballad - Thomas Hood; No! - Thomas Hood; If Thou Must Love Me - Elizabeth Barrett Browning; How Do I Love Thee - Elizabeth Barrett Browning; Ulysses - Alfred Lord Tennyson; Lady Clare - Alfred Lord Tennyson; from Pied Piper Of Hamblin - Robert Browning; Home Thoughts From Abroad - Robert Browning; The Jumblies - Edward Lear; Dover Beach - Matthew Arnold; Remember - Christina Rossetti; In The Willow Shade - Christina Rossetti; The Oxen - Thomas Hardy; Ah Are You Digging My Grave - Thomas Hardy; The Darkling Thrush - Thomas Hardy; Spring - Gerald Manley Hopkins; Epithalamion - Gerald Manley Hopkins; Loveliest Of Trees, The Cherry Now - AE Houseman; If - Rudyard Kipling; Tommy - Rudyard Kipling; The Way That Lovers Use - Rupert Brooke; Love - Rupert Brooke; The Old Vicarage Of Grantchester; Rupert Brooke

John Keats, Robert Browning, Rupert Brooke, Thomas Hood (Author), Ghizela Rowe, Jan Francis, Nigel Davenport, Nigel Planer, Richard Mitchley (Narrator)

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Turf Wars (Complete, Series 1) (Bbc Radio 4 Comedy)

Four comic dramas about boundaries that are both territorial and personal, as heard on BBC Radio 4.Territory is the theme that unites these four humorous plays - whether that means fighting over an allotment plot, dealing with the sudden partition of a country, guarding the privacy of a garden or battling with the council over school catchment areas.In 'Losing the Plot', shy Edward decides to apply for an allotment plot after an encounter with attractive allotment-holder Amanda. But doing so involves an interview with ferocious site-manager Bernie who runs the allotments with military rigour. Starring James Fleet as Edward, Joanna Monroe as Amanda and Jonathan Coy as Bernie. Written by Nick Warburton and directed by Peter KavanaghIn 'An Incident at the Border', Arthur and Olivia are enjoying the sun in their local park on a beautiful summer's day. Olivia is reading a newspaper article on their country's new-found independence. Arthur, who is apolitical, is just enjoying watching the ducks. Suddenly a soldier arrives, dragging a tape across the ground, marking out the new border. He barges between the two young people. Now one is on one side of the border, and one on the other! How can the lovers be reunited? Starring Joseph Kloska as Arthur, Leah Brotherhead as Olivia and Nigel Planer as Reiver. Written by Kieran Lynn and directed by Peter Kavanagh.In 'How's Your Mother?' Humphrey Partridge is reckoned to be anti-social, indeed stand-offish. But he always has an excuse - namely that he has to look after his ailing elderly mother. No-one has ever met the legendary matriarch. Not even nosy Raj the local postman. But one morning when Humphrey is at work, Raj notices a fire in Humphrey's house, breaks in to put it out and makes an extraordinary discovery. Soon police are digging in Humphrey's garden. But just what is Humphrey's dark secret? Starring Michael Maloney as Humphrey Partridge, Adeel Akhtar as Raj/Sgt Wallis, Sam Dale as Mr Denton/Trevor, Sally Orrock as Mrs Denton and Christine Kavanagh as Mrs Jones. Written by Simon Brett and directed by Peter Kavanagh.In 'The Accidental Head', Beth just wants what's best for her 11 year old son; a solid secondary education at the kind of school that recognises his genius, as well as his aptitude for baroque music. A school like Folgate. But when the family is edged out of Folgate's catchment area, a battle begins Starring Katherine Parkinson as Beth, Darren Boyd as Jake, Emma Fryer as Ruth Willith, Alex Tregear as the journalist, Sally Orrock as Helen and Brian Bowles as Farmer/Hughes. Written by Jeremy Front and directed by James Robinson

Jeremy Front, Kieran Lynn, Nick Warburton, Simon Brett (Author), Adeel Akhtar, Full Cast, James Fleet, Joanna Monro, Jonathan Coy, Joseph Kloska, Katherine Parkinson, Leah Brotherhead, Michael Maloney, Nigel Planer, Sally Orrock, Sam Dale (Narrator)

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The Bank of Goodliness

When Shadeys Bank loses another C.E.O. to a scandal, they are desperate to show they've reformed. Who better to present their redemption than a country vicar? Reverend Tom Goodman is ousted from his job as a country vicar for allowing a homeless family to stay in the church hall. Meanwhile, a major bank is trying to rescue its image after the latest in a long string of financial scandals. It seems like the perfect match and Goodman is hastily appointed as the bank's new C.E.O. All they have to do is promote him as their new figurehead whilst also keeping him away from the day-to-day business of dubious banking. Unfortunately for Shadeys, Tom is planning on making a difference. And so begins an epic battle of wills. The might of a multi-billion-pound bank versus a seemingly naïve country vicar. "Like reading your favourite sitcom." - Nigel Planer

David Luddington (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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The Colour Of Magic: (Discworld Novel 1)

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the Discworld. Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant idiot. Somewhere on the frontier between thought and reality exists the Discworld, a parallel time and place which might sound and smell very much like our own, but which looks completely different. It plays by different rules. Certainly it refuses to succumb to the quaint notion that universes are ruled by pure logic and the harmony of numbers. But just because the Disc is different doesn't mean that some things don't stay the same. Its very existence is about to be threatened by a strange new blight: the arrival of the first tourist, upon whose survival rests the peace and prosperity of the land. But if the person charged with maintaining that survival in the face of robbers, mercenaries and, well, Death is a spectacularly inept wizard, a little logic might turn out to be a very good idea... The Colour of Magic is the first novel in Terry Pratchett's acclaimed Discworld series, of which some 20 million copies have been sold. This special hardcover edition is reissued to commemorate the twenty-first anniversary of its first publication by Colin Smythe Limited in 1983. Since then the Discworld has spawned a further thirty-one titles and become one of the most popular and celebrated sequences in English literature.

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Guards! Guards!: (Discworld Novel 8)

'The people next door oppress me all night long. I tell them, I work all day, a man's got to have some time to learn to play the tuba. That's oppression, that is. If I'm not under the heel of the oppressor I don't know who is.' An aura of mean-minded resentfulness is thick in the streets of Ankh-Morpork. Insurrection is in the air. The Haves and Have-Nots are about to fall out all over again. The Have-Nots want some of their own magic. But magic in the hands of amateurs is a dangerous thing. The City Watch is the last line of defence against such unnatural goings-on. But when even the Watch have trouble telling Right from Wrong, you know that Law and Order ain't what it used to be. But that's all about to change...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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The Light Fantastic: (Discworld Novel 2)

'What shall we do?' said Twoflower. 'Panic?' said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival. As it moves towards a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, the Discworld could do with a hero. What it doesn't need is a singularly inept and cowardly wizard, still recovering from the trauma of falling off the edge of the world, or a well-meaning tourist and his luggage which has a mind (and legs) of its own. Which is a shame because that's all there is...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Jingo: (Discworld Novel 21)

'Neighbours... hah. People'd live for ages side by side, nodding at one another amicably on their way to work, and then some trivial thing would happen and someone would be having a garden fork removed from their ear.' Throughout history, there's always been a perfectly good reason to start a war. Never more so if it is over a 'strategic' piece of old rock in the middle of nowhere. It is after all every citizen's right to bear arms to defend what they consider to be their own. Even if it isn't. And in such pressing circumstances, you really shouldn't let small details like the absence of an army or indeed the money to finance one get in the way of a righteous fight with all the attendant benefits of out-and-out nationalism...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Feet Of Clay: (Discworld Novel 19)

'Sorry?' said Carrot. If it's just a thing, how can it commit murder? A sword is a thing' - he drew his own sword; it made an almost silken sound - 'and of course you can't blame a sword if someone thrust it at you, sir.' For members of the City Watch, life consists of troubling times, linked together by periods of torpid inactivity. Now is one such troubling time. People are being murdered, but there's no trace of anything alive having been at the crime scene. Is there ever a circumstance in which you can blame the weapon not the murderer? Such philosophical questions are not the usual domain of the city's police, but they're going to have to start learning fast...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Small Gods: (Discworld Novel 13)

'Just because you can't explain it, doesn't mean it's a miracle.' Religion is a controversial business in the Discworld. Everyone has their own opinion, and indeed their own gods. Who come in all shapes and sizes. In such a competitive environment, there is a pressing need to make one's presence felt. And it's certainly not remotely helpful to be reduced to be appearing in the form of a tortoise, a manifestation far below god-like status in anyone's book. In such instances, you need an acolyte, and fast. Preferably one who won't ask too many questions...

Terry Pratchett (Author), Nigel Planer (Narrator)

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Audiobooks Narrated by Nigel Planer