Audiobooks by Mark Leyner

Last Orgy of the Divine Hermit Audiobook

A brilliant and utterly original new novel from Mark Leyner about a father and his intense and devout relationship with his daughter and with alcohol. An anthropologist and his daughter travel to Kermunkachunk, the capitol of Chalazia, to conduct research for an ethnography on the Chalazian Mafia Faction (a splinter group of the Chalazian Children's Theater). The book takes place over the course of a night at the Bar Pulpo, Kermunkachunk's #1 spoken-word karaoke bar, where conversations are actually being read from multiple karaoke screens arrayed around the barroom. Moreover, it's Thursday, "Father/Daughter Nite," when the bar is frequented by actual fathers and daughters as well as couples cosplaying fathers and daughters. Last Orgy of the Divine Hermit is a book about the deep pleasures of reading and drinking, the tumultuous reign of a cabal of mystic mobsters, and, of course, the transcendent love of a father for his daughter.

Mark Leyner (Author), Brittany Pressley, Michael Crouch, Natalia Payne, Peter Ganim, Robert Fass, Robert Petkoff (Narrator)

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Gone with the Mind

The blazingly inventive, fictional autobiography of Mark Leyner, one of America's "rare, true original voices." (Gary Shteyngart) Dizzyingly brilliant and raucously funny, GONE WITH THE MIND is the story of Mark Leyner's life, told as only Mark Leyner can. In this utterly unconventional, autobiographical novel, Mark Leyner gives a reading in the food court of a mall. Besides Mark's mother, who's driven him to the mall and introduces him before he begins, and a few employees of fast food chain Panda Express who ask a handful of questions, the reading is completely without audience. The action of GONE WITH THE MIND takes place exclusively at the food court, but the territory covered on these pages has no bounds. Existential, self-aware, and very much concerned with the relationship between a complicated mother and an even more complicated son, Leyner's story--with its bold, experimental structure--is a moving work of genius.

Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

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The Sugar Frosted Nutsack: A Novel

High above the bustling streets of Dubai, in the world's tallest and most luxurious skyscraper, reside the gods and goddesses of the modern world. Since they emerged 14 billion years ago from a bus blaring a tune remarkably similar to the Mister Softee jingle, they've wreaked mischief and havoc on mankind. Unable to control their jealousies, the gods have splintered into several factions, led by the immortal enemies XOXO, Shanice, La Felina, Fast-Cooking Ali, and Mogul Magoo. Ike Karton, an unemployed butcher from New Jersey, is their current obsession. Ritualistically recited by a cast of drug-addled bards, THE SUGAR FROSTED NUTSACK is Ike's epic story. A raucous tale of gods and men confronting lust, ambition, death, and the eternal verities, it is a wildly fun, wickedly fast gambol through the unmapped corridors of the imagination.

Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

Audiobook

Let's Play Doctor

Let's Play Doctor is your instant guide to becoming a Real Fake Doctor. At the Why Do Men Have Nipples School of Medicine, we offer an informative, immersive, and incredibly entertaining course of study that will give you the special skills needed to get your M.D. on! By following the lessons in Let's Play Doctor, you'll learn: -Special mental exercises to give yourself that buff, bulging Doctor brain -How to impress your peers with big, polysyllabic, esoteric medical lingo (can you say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis?) -Easy ways to diagnose your girlfriend's goiter or your father's fistula -Do-it-yourself surgeries from hemorrhoidectomy to breast enlargement -And, most important, how to craft a completely believable, official-sounding get-out-of-work-for-medical-reasons note

Billy Goldberg, Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

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Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex

Did the mega-bestselling Why Do Men Have Nipples? exhaust your curiosity about stuff odd, icky, kinky, noxious, libidinous, or just plain embarrassing? "No," you say? Well good, because the doctor and his able-bodied buddy are IN! Again! Now go-to authorities for that sort of thing, Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D., take on the differences between the sexes—those burning questions like, "Why Doesn't My Husband Ever Listen?" or "Why Does My Wife ALWAYS Have to Pee?" and of course, "Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?" plus plenty of others to keep you fully informed. Full of smart and snarky answers to an onslaught of new questions, all in the do-ask-we'll-tell spirit, that entertain and teach you something at the same time, Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? offers the real lowdown on all the myriad of the things that everyone wants to know about all things anatomical, medical, sexual, nutritional, animal, mineral, but would only ask a physician after a few too many. Bigger, funnier, and better than ever, Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? proves that in the battle of the sexes, as in most things, a little Q&A is a safe, effective, minimally invasive remedy.

Billy Goldberg, Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

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Why Do Men Have Nipples?: Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask Your Doctor After Your Third Martini

Is There a Doctor in the House? Finally, answers to all those strange questions you'd like to ask your own doctor but haven't had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. If you've ever wanted to ask a doctor . . . How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast? Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever? Why does asparagus make my pee smell? Why do old people grow hair on their ears? Is the old adage "beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer. . .," really true? . . .then "Why Do Men Have Nipples? is the book for you. Compiled by Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, bestselling author and well-known satirist, "Why Do Men Have Nipples? offers real factual and really funny answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies.

Billy Goldberg, Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

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Why Do Men Have Nipples?

Is There a Doctor in the House? Finally, answers to all those strange questions you'd like to ask your own doctor but haven't had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. If you've ever wanted to ask a doctor . . . -How do people in wheelchairs have sex? -Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast? -Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever? -Why does asparagus make my pee smell? -Why do old people grow hair on their ears? -Is the old adage "beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer. . .," really true? . . .then Why Do Men Have Nipples? is the book for you. Compiled by Billy Goldberg, an emergency medicine physician, and Mark Leyner, bestselling author and well-known satirist, Why Do Men Have Nipples? offers real factual and really funny answers to some of the big questions about the oddities of our bodies.

Billy Goldberg, Mark Leyner (Author), Mark Leyner (Narrator)

Audiobook