Audiobooks by Dave Barry

You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little A

A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times-bestselling author of Insane City In his New York Times-bestselling I'll Mature When I'm Dead, Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to hilarious results. What comes next? Parenthood, of course, and families. In uproarious, brand-new pieces, Barry tackles everything from family trips, bat mitzvah parties and dating (he's serious about that title: "When my daughter can legally commence dating-February 24, 2040-I intend to monitor her closely, even if I am deceased") to funeral instructions ("I would like my eulogy to be given by William Shatner"), the differences between male and female friendships, the deeper meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey, and a father's ultimate sacrifice: accompanying his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert ("It turns out that the noise teenaged girls make to express happiness is the same noise they would make if their feet were being gnawed off by badgers"). Let's face it: families not only enrich our lives every day, they drive us completely around the bend. Thank goodness we have Dave Barry as our guide!

Dave Barry (Author), Dave Barry (Narrator)

Audiobook

I'll Mature When I'm Dead

A brilliantly funny exploration of the treacherous state of adulthood by the Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist. Some people may wonder what this subject has to do with Dave Barry, since Dave's struggled hard against growing up his entire life-but the result is one of the funniest, warmest, most pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we call 'adulthood'. In hilarious, brand-new pieces, Dave tackles everything from fatherhood, new fatherhood ('Over the next five years, you will spend roughly 45 minutes, total, listening to songs you like, and roughly 127,000 hours to songs exploring topics such as how the horn on the bus goes* [*It goes: 'Beep! Beep! Beep!']'), self-image, the battle of the sexes, celebrityhood, technology, parenting styles, certain unmentionable medical procedures ('There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of a vasectomy, except that: THEY CUT A HOLE IN YOUR SCROTUM.'), and much more. It is a book of pure delight from the man one newspaper claimed 'could become the most important American humorist since Mark Twain' (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)...though, frankly, we think they were indulging in some adult beverages at the time. Watch a Video

Dave Barry (Author), Dave Barry (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Worst Night Ever

Last year, Wyatt Palmer was the hero of middle school, having foiled a plot against the president of the United States. But now he and his friends are in Coral Cove High School-home of the Fighting Conchs-and Wyatt is no longer a hero: he's just another undersized freshman, hoping to fit in, or at least not be unpopular. Things start to go wrong when Matt Diaz, who is Wyatt's best friend but also something of an idiot, decides to bring his pet ferret, Frank, to school. Through an unfortunate series of events, Frank ends up in the hands of the Bevin brothers, who are the most popular boys at Coral Cove High but also, as Matt soon discovers, the nastiest. When Wyatt and Matt concoct a plan to get Frank back, they sneak onto the grounds of the Bevins' waterfront mansion and stumble onto the Bevin family's dark and deadly secret. That's when Wyatt learns that some things are worse than being unpopular in high school. MUCH worse.

Dave Barry (Author), Todd Haberkorn (Narrator)

Audiobook

Peter and the Secret of Rundoon

In this action-packed conclusion to the Starcatchers trilogy, Peter and Molly find themselves in the dangerous land of Rundoon, ruled by the evil King Zarboff, who takes great delight in watching his pet snake, Kundalini, consume anyone who displeases him. But that's just the start of the trouble facing our heroes, who once again find themselves pitted against the evil shadow creature, Lord Ombra, in a struggle to save themselves and Molly's father - not to mention the entire planet - from an unthinkable end. Meanwhile, back in Never Land, a tribal war is under way, and while Peter is off fighting to save the world, a young Mollusk princess has no choice but to join forces with sinister pirates to save her island from the vicious Scorpions. Peter and the Secret of Rundoon is a wild desert adventure - with flying camels, magic carpets, and evil shadows - that literally zooms toward an unforgettable and unimaginable climax. Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson have teamed together once again to pen a story with unrelenting action and adventure that can be enjoyed by listeners of all ages.

Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson (Author), Jim Dale (Narrator)

Audiobook

Peter and the Sword of Mercy

Grade Level: 4-6 Age Level: Listening Level: 9-11 Grades 4-6 The year is 1902-it's been twenty-three years since Peter and the Lost Boys returned from Rundoon. Since then, nobody on the island has grown a day older, and the Lost Boys continue their friendship with the Mollusk tribe and their rivalry with Captain Hook. Meanwhile, in London, Molly has married George Darling and is raising three children: Wendy, Michael, and John. One night, a visitor appears at her door; it's James, one of Peter's original Lost Boys. He is now working for Scotland Yard and suspects that the heir to England's throne, Prince Albert Edward, is under the influence of shadow creatures. These shadow creatures are determined to find a secret cache of starstuff, which fell to London many centuries ago. The starstuff is hidden in an underground vault, which has only one key: the Sword of Mercy, a legendary weapon kept with the crown jewels. Molly is determined to locate and protect, but when she suddenly goes missing, it is up to her eleven-year-old daughter, Wendy, to keep it out of the Others' clutches. Wendy has heard her mother's stories of a flying boy named Peter Pan, and he may be her only hope of saving the world from a shadowy doom. . . .

Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson (Author), Jim Dale (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Worst Class Trip Ever

In this hilarious novel, written in the voice of eighth-grader Wyatt Palmer, Dave Barry takes us on a class trip to Washington, DC. Wyatt, his best friend, Matt, and a few kids from Culver Middle School find themselves in a heap of trouble—not just with their teachers, who have long lost patience with them—but from several mysterious men they first meet on their flight to the nation's capital. In a fast-paced adventure with the monuments as a backdrop, the kids try to stay out of danger and out of the doghouse while trying to save the president from attack—or maybe not.

Dave Barry (Author), Todd Haberkorn (Narrator)

Audiobook

Insane City

Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute… From the Trade Paperback edition.

Dave Barry (Author), Dave Barry (Narrator)

Audiobook

The Bridge to Never Land

Aidan and Sarah Cooper have no idea what they're getting into one afternoon when they discover a mysterious coded document in a secret compartment of an antique English desk their father recently bought at an auction. Something about the document seems familiar to Sarah, and that night she realizes what it is: the document seems to be referring to some books she has read - the Starcatchers series, about the origin of Peter Pan. But how could that be? The document seems far older than the books. And of course, the books are just stories. . . . Curious, Sarah and Aidan begin to decipher the mysterious document. At first it's a game -unraveling the mystery piece by piece, each piece leading them to a new, deeper puzzle. But soon the game turns strange - and scary. They discover that the "stories" are real, and that what they thought was a fictional battle between good and evil is still going on. And the scariest part is: They have become part of it. Pursued by a being that can take any form and will stop at nothing to get what it wants from them, Aidan and Sarah embark on a desperate, thrilling quest for help - a quest that leads them to some unforgettable people in some unlikely places, including one that's not supposed to exist at all. At each step they must solve new puzzles and escape new dangers, all the while knowing that if they fail, the evil they are fleeing will be let loose on an unsuspecting world.

Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson (Author), MacLeod Andrews (Narrator)

Audiobook

Peter and the Starcatchers

In an evocative and fast-paced adventure on the high seas and on a faraway island an orphan boy named Peter and his mysterious new friend, Molly, overcome bands of pirates and thieves in their quest to keep a fantastical secret safe and save the world from evil. Bestselling authors Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson have turned back the clock and revealed a wonderful story that precedes J. M. Barrie's beloved Peter Pan. Peter and the Starcatchers is brimming with richly developed characters from the scary but somehow familiar Black Stache and the ferocious Mister Grin to the sweet but sophisticated Molly and the fearless Peter. Riveting adventure takes listeners on a journey from a harsh orphanage in old England to a treacherous sea in a decrepit old tub. Aboard the Never Land is a trunk that holds a magical substance with the power to change the fate of the world - just a sprinkle and wounds heal and just a dusting and people can fly. Towering seas and a violent storm are the backdrop for battles at sea. Bone-crushing waves eventually land our characters on Mollusk Island - where the action really heats up.

Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson (Author), Jim Dale (Narrator)

Audiobook

Peter and the Shadow Thieves

In this riveting and adventure-packed follow-up to the award-winning New York Times bestseller Peter and the Starcatchers, Peter leaves the relative safety of Mollusk Island - along with his trusted companion, Tinker Bell - for the cold, damp, dangerous streets of London. On a difficult journey across the sea, he and Tink discover the dark and deadly slithering part-man/part-creature Lord Ombra, who is intent on recovering the missing starstuff - celestial dust that contains unimagined powers. In London, Peter attempts to track down the indomitable Molly, hoping that together they can combat Ombra's determined forces. But London is not Mollusk Island; Peter is not the boy he used to be; and Lord Ombra - the Shadow Master - is unlike anything Peter, or the world, has ever seen.

Dave Barry, Ridley Pearson (Author), Jim Dale (Narrator)

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Dave Barry's Money Secrets

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn't stopped him from writing a book about how to understand money. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: Â· How the U.S. economy works, including the often-overlooked role of Adam Sandler. Â· Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money. Â· Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are, let's be honest, a no-talent loser. Â· Why corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider. Â· An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel). Â· Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key one being: Never buy, or for that matter sell, real estate. Â· How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating. Â· Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one. Â· How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any. Â· Estate planning, especially the often-overlooked financial benefits of early death. But that's only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points in a book written by Donald Trump, so you don't have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip; how to negotiate for everything, including bridge tolls; how to argue with your spouse about money; and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics ("Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot"). Also there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can't afford NOT to buy this book! Probably you need several.

Dave Barry (Author), Dick Hill (Narrator)

Audiobook

Boogers Are My Beat

The New York Times calls him "the funniest man in America," and his legions of fans agree, laughing and snorting as they put his books on bestseller lists nationwide. In Boogers Are My Beat, Dave gives us the real scoop on: • The scientific search for the world's funniest joke (you can bet it includes the word "weasel") • RV camping in the Wal-Mart parking lot • Outwitting "smart" kitchen appliances and service contracts • Elections in Florida ("You can't spell Florida without 'duh'") • The Olympics, where people from all over the world come together to accuse each other of cheating • The truth about the Dakotas, the Lone Ranger, and feng shui • The choice between death and taxes And much, much more - including some truths about journalism and serious thoughts about 9/11.

Dave Barry (Author), Dick Hill, TBD (Narrator)

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