Audiobooks by Adam Carolla

Everything Reminds Me of Something: Advice, Answers...But No Apologies

The bestselling comedian returns to respond and rant on real questions about life and love, careers and cars, and everything else from fans and famous friends. Ever wonder what you would say or do if you didn’t give a f**k? Adam Carolla can tell you. In his sixth book, the comedian, podcaster, and provocateur does what he does best—doles out advice and opinions with utter disregard for our politically correct, self-righteous, virtue signaling, woke times. Thanks to decades of hosting MTV and radio’s Loveline, his Guinness World Record–breaking podcast and touring the stand-up circuit, no one in comedy is as gifted at thinking on their feet. Taking actual questions from his fans—and even some celebrity friends, including Ray Romano, Maria Menounos, and Judd Apatow—Adam dishes out hilarious rants, unpredictable tangents, brilliant inventions, sage advice, and controversial opinions in a way only a self-proclaimed asshole can.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook

I'm Your Emotional Support Animal: Navigating Our All Woke, No Joke Culture

Three-time New York Times bestseller Adam Carolla is back to take on social media, social justice warriors, and a society gone to s**t. In I'm Your Emotional Support Animal, Adam Carolla examines how our culture went careening off a cliff. We used to have one that created real warriors who fought world wars. Now it spawns social justice warriors who fight Twitter wars. He takes on those who are traumatized by Trump and "emotional support animal" owners who proclaim their victimhood at every airport. He stands up for the collateral damage of the #MeToo movement and for freedom of speech on "safe space" filled college campuses. Examining the calculated commercials churned out by Madison Avenue, like the ones about cars "made with love," Carolla rants on ads designed to either bum us out or make us think the corporation is run by Mr. Rogers. Turning to social media, Adam takes down the "hashtag heroes" who signal their virtue daily from atop Twitter mountain. And in the era of the Roomba, performances by dead celebrity holograms, and meals-on-demand delivery services, he looks down the road at our not-so-bright future as a species. Frank, funny, and utterly unapologetic, this is not a book for those who need a trigger warning, but is THE book for everyone who wants to hit the snooze bar on the "woke" culture.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook

Daddy, Stop Talking!: And Other Things My Kids Want But Won't Be Getting

The comedian, actor, television host, podcast king, and New York Times bestselling author of President Me, Not Taco Bell Material, and In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks now lays down the law on the plight of the modern parent. Parents, do you often think that if your kids had to grow up the way you did, without iPads, 70-inch flatscreen TVs, American Girl dolls, and wifi in the climate controlled minivan, that they might actually be better off? Do you feel underappreciated or ignored? Do you worry you're raising a bunch of spoiled softies who will never know how to do anything themselves, because you do everything for them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need Daddy, Stop Talking. Adam rips parenthood a new one, telling it straight about what adults must do if they don't want to have to support their kids forever. Using his own crappy childhood as a cautionary tale, and touting the pitfalls of the kind of helicopter parenting so pervasive today, Daddy, Stop Talking is the only parenting book you should ever read. Here, too, is sage advice to Adam's own kids, and to future parents, on what matters most: dating; drinking and drugs; buying your first house and car; puberty; and what kind of assholes his kids (and yours) should avoid becoming. Even if his own son and daughter pretty much ignore everything he says, you shouldn't. And you're welcome. Again.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook

President Me: The America That's In My Head

My fellow Americans, President John F. Kennedy once famously said, "Hey, is that blond intern eighteen yet?" He also said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." We've changed a lot since JFK asked us all to pitch in. We've become a nation of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac moms of overcaffeinated (yet somehow still lazy) twerking tweens. And our government is an inept bureaucracy incapable of doing anything except getting in our wallets and in our way. That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby declare myself Candidate Carolla. President Me is my manifesto, my vision for a better place . . . free of Big Government, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters who'd rather "Occupy" than work, and the other things that are bringing our country down. With my cabinet appointees, my list of worthy and necessary presidential ManDates, and tons of great ideas for fixing our health care, education, energy, and even national parks systems . . . behold an America we can be proud of. The America I see in MY HEAD. You're welcome in advance.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook

Not Taco Bell Material

In his second book, Adam Carolla author of New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks and chart-topping podcaster reveals all the stories behind how he came to be the angry middle-aged man he is today. Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories and debuts some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad dumps Carolla called home as a child through the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for over fifteen years. Yet he never lost his underdog demeanor. He's still connected to the working class guy he once was, and delivers a raw and edgy, fish-out-of-water take on the world he lives in (but mostly disagrees with), telling all the stories, no matter who he offends family, friends or the famous.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks

A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, 'You've got to be kidding me, son.' The bartender replied, 'New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.' Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past-Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire. ADAM CAROLLAis a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. He is the host of the Adam Carolla Podcast, before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles, and syndicated by CBS Radio. Besides these shows, Carolla is well known as the co-host of the radio show Loveline (and its television incarnation on MTV), as the co-creator and co-host of Comedy Central's The Man Show, and as the co-creator and the performer on Comedy Central and MTV's Crank Yankers and is a frequent contributor and contestant on ABC's top-rated program 'Dancing with the Stars'. Carolla also starred in, co-wrote, and co-produced the award-winning independent film, The Hammer. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two children. From the Hardcover edition.

Adam Carolla (Author), Adam Carolla (Narrator)

Audiobook